The classroom felt different. Shadows stretched across the walls, distorting the familiar space, and everyone's laughter seemed hollow, echoing unnaturally in my ears. Piku sat by the window, staring out with a peaceful look on his face, blissfully unaware of everything that had happened—or everything I'd done. The others didn't seem to notice, but to me, he looked ghostly, fragile, like he could disappear at any moment.
My hands were trembling. I clenched them tightly, willing myself to hold it together, but the memories were too fresh, too vivid. I could still feel the cold steel of the knife, see the look in Piku's eyes as the life drained out of him.
Why was I here again? Why couldn't I escape?
"Is something wrong, Takeru?" Piku asked, turning to look at me with a concerned smile. "You seem... off."
Off. I wanted to laugh at the understatement, but the humor died in my throat. Instead, I managed a nod. "I'm fine," I whispered, though I was anything but.
Every interaction, every second that passed felt like I was tiptoeing on a razor's edge. The tension inside me was growing, a storm threatening to break. I didn't know what would happen when it did, but I knew I couldn't go through it again. I couldn't.
As lunch approached, I slipped out of the classroom before Piku could join me. I didn't have a destination in mind; I just knew I needed to be alone. I wandered the empty hallways, feeling a dull ache in my chest, a weight that seemed to be pressing down on my very soul.
And then I heard her voice.
"Running away won't save you, Takeru."
I spun around, and there she was, leaning casually against the wall, arms crossed and a knowing smile on her lips. Her presence was like a toxin, infecting the air around us. I felt sick, anger bubbling up inside me.
"What do you want?" I demanded, my voice barely holding steady. "Why are you doing this to me?"
She tilted her head, examining me like I was some fascinating experiment. "Doing this to you? Takeru, I'm not making you do anything. All of this... it's just you, over and over, choosing the same path."
"That's not true!" I shouted, the sound echoing down the empty corridor. "I don't want to kill him. I never wanted to kill him."
"Then why do you?" she replied calmly, an eerie smile creeping onto her face.
The words cut deep, silencing my protests. I knew she was right. Each time, there had been a moment—a moment when I had a choice, and I chose to give in. To let my anger take over.
But it wasn't that simple, was it?
She stepped closer, her voice soft, almost gentle. "You think you're the victim here, Takeru. You think you're trapped in some nightmare. But the truth is, this darkness? It's you. This cycle exists because you keep feeding it, letting it consume you."
"No..." My voice broke as I backed away, shaking my head. "No, it can't be. I'm not... I'm not like that."
"Aren't you?" she whispered, her gaze piercing, merciless. "This isn't just about jealousy or anger, Takeru. This is about control. You hate that he's living the life you think you deserve, that he has something you believe should be yours. You think killing him will make it stop, that it'll free you. But every time, you end up right back where you started."
I sank to the floor, my hands clutching my head, trying to block out her words, but they rang through me, relentless and cruel.
"Face it, Takeru," she continued, her voice soft but unyielding. "Until you accept the truth about yourself, until you stop running from what you really are, you'll be here forever. Stuck in this endless cycle."
I looked up at her, desperation filling my eyes. "Then tell me... how do I stop it?"
Her smile faded, replaced by something almost sad. "You already know the answer. But it's up to you to find it."
With that, she vanished, leaving me alone in the empty hallway. Her words echoed in my mind, filling me with a chilling sense of inevitability. The answer was within me, she'd said, but I didn't understand. How could I stop something I couldn't control?
---
The rest of the day passed in a blur. I couldn't focus, couldn't even bring myself to look at Piku without a mixture of guilt and fear gnawing at my insides. His laughter grated on me, a reminder of everything I wanted but could never have. The anger was there, simmering beneath the surface, threatening to erupt.
After school, Piku invited me to the rooftop again, just like he always did. And, just like every other time, I followed him.
We stood there in silence, gazing out over the city. The sunset painted the sky in hues of orange and red, casting long shadows that seemed to reach for us. Piku turned to me, smiling, but I could see a hint of worry in his eyes.
"Takeru, are you really okay? You've been acting strange."
I wanted to tell him everything, to explain the nightmare I was trapped in, to beg for his forgiveness. But the words wouldn't come. Instead, that familiar bitterness rose up, the resentment that had haunted me for so long.
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. This time, I would make a different choice. This time, I would fight it.
"Takeru?" Piku's voice was laced with concern, and when I opened my eyes, I saw him watching me, his expression soft, understanding.
I took a shaky step back, forcing myself to turn away from him. "Piku... let's go back inside."
He looked surprised, but nodded. "Yeah... sure."
As we walked back down the stairwell together, I felt a strange sense of relief, as if I'd taken a small step forward. It wasn't much, but it was something. For the first time, I had chosen not to give in to the darkness. And maybe, just maybe, it would be enough to change the path ahead.
But in the pit of my stomach, a lingering dread told me that this wasn't over—that my battle was only just beginning.