The following morning, I awoke with a sliver of hope, a fragile belief that perhaps I could finally gain control over this darkness, the bitterness gnawing at me. The previous day, I had chosen to turn away, to resist—but deep down, I knew it was temporary, a fleeting moment where I'd managed to keep the shadows at bay.
Yet, the darkness had returned, thick and suffocating, whispering, as though waiting for me to fail again.
The day unfolded like any other—classroom chatter, glances with Piku, the familiar sense of routine, almost comforting in its predictability. And for a brief while, I could almost convince myself that things were normal. But a part of me knew better. The girl's words echoed in my mind, haunting and relentless.
> "If you don't face what's inside you, you'll keep losing pieces of yourself. Until there's nothing left."
At lunch, I sat with Piku on the rooftop, his laughter ringing out as he shared another one of his wild stories. His face was lit up, free of shadows or worry. He lived so fully, with so much ease. But for every laugh he gave, I felt the resentment within me grow stronger, a venom spreading through my veins.
"Piku," I found myself saying, my voice low. He looked over, still smiling, but something in my tone must have caught his attention.
"Yeah? What's up?" he asked, tilting his head.
I hesitated, words catching in my throat. I wanted to tell him everything, to let him see this darkness that I carried, to make him understand. But instead, something bitter twisted inside me, a thought so sudden and sharp it left me breathless.
> He'll never understand. He'll never know what it's like to live in someone else's shadow, to always be second-best.
Piku's smile wavered. "Hey… are you sure you're alright, Takeru?"
The knife was in my pocket. I could feel its weight, solid and cold against my leg. I tried to shake off the urge, to force my hand to stay still, but it was as if something else had taken control, something darker than jealousy, stronger than guilt.
"No," I whispered, unable to stop myself. "I'm not alright."
Piku's face softened, his hand reaching out to pat my shoulder. "Hey, man, whatever's going on, you know you can talk to me, right? We're friends."
"Friends?" The word tasted bitter on my tongue, laced with resentment. "You don't know the first thing about me."
He blinked, taken aback. "What are you talking about? Of course I know you."
"Do you?" I laughed, the sound hollow and sharp. "You think you know me, but all you see is what I let you see."
"Takeru…" His voice trailed off, confusion and hurt filling his eyes. He looked at me like I was a stranger, and that only made the darkness surge, feeding off his shock.
Before I could stop myself, I reached into my pocket, fingers closing around the knife. I pulled it out, feeling the familiar weight, the cold metal biting into my palm. Piku's eyes widened, his gaze darting to the blade, fear seeping into his expression.
"Takeru… what are you doing?" His voice was a whisper, trembling, and I could see the fear in his eyes, the growing realization of what was happening.
"Why do you get everything?" I spat, my voice raw with anger. "Why do you get to be perfect, to have the life I'll never have?"
He shook his head, backing away, his hands raised as if that could keep me at bay. "Takeru, please… whatever's going on, we can work through it together. You don't have to do this."
"Don't lie to me," I growled, taking a step closer, the knife glinting in the sunlight. "You've always had it easy, haven't you? Everything just falls into place for you, like you were meant to succeed. And I… I'm just a shadow, always watching, never living."
Piku's back hit the railing, his gaze darting from side to side as if looking for an escape. "Takeru, please," he begged, voice breaking. "This isn't you. You're my friend."
The word stung, twisting the anger in my chest into something darker. I raised the knife, every part of me consumed by that singular thought—that he had everything I wanted, that I would always be less, forgotten in his light.
"Goodbye, Piku," I whispered, and in one swift motion, I plunged the blade into his chest.
He gasped, the sound hollow, and his hands clutched at the knife, as though trying to pull it free. Blood blossomed from the wound, staining his shirt, seeping through his fingers. His gaze met mine, and in that moment, I saw the betrayal, the shock, the hurt. It sliced through me, but it was too late.
"T-Takeru…" he choked out, his voice barely a whisper. His legs gave out, and he crumpled to the ground, his breathing shallow, his face pale.
I stood over him, numb, watching as the life faded from his eyes, as his chest rose and fell in weak, desperate gasps. And then, finally, he was still, his body sprawled on the rooftop, silent and empty.
I sank to my knees, staring at my blood-stained hands, the realization crashing down on me with a sickening clarity. I had done it—again.
And, as before, the world around me blurred, fading into darkness.
---
I was back in the classroom.
My heart pounded as I looked around, disoriented, and my gaze fell on Piku, laughing with our classmates, oblivious to what had just happened, unaware of the horror that I had unleashed upon him—again.
I barely heard my own voice as I whispered, "No… not again…"
The girl was there, leaning against the wall, watching me with a faint smile. Her eyes glinted, sharp and cold, as if savoring my despair.
"Well, Takeru," she said, her voice laced with mockery. "Here we are again. What did I tell you? Until you face what's inside, this will keep happening."
I glared at her, my fists clenched, rage boiling over. "I tried! I tried to resist, to change… but it's like I'm trapped. No matter what I do, it always ends the same."
She laughed, the sound sharp and cruel. "That's because you keep running from the truth. You think you can escape the darkness inside you, but it's a part of you, Takeru. The only way to break free is to face it, to accept it."
"What do you mean?" I shouted, desperation clawing at my chest. "How am I supposed to accept something that's destroying me?"
She shrugged, her gaze piercing. "That's for you to figure out. But until you do… well, I think you know how this will end."
I wanted to scream, to claw my way out of this nightmare, but the words wouldn't come. The world spun around me, each second ticking by like a countdown to the next inevitable tragedy.
And Piku's laughter rang in my ears, haunting me, reminding me of the cycle that I couldn't escape, the endless spiral tightening around me, drawing me deeper into the abyss.