*Genevive*
My parents and Ama have been hinting at me to tell Lucien about the twins, but have I listened? No.
The two weeks have since gone, and so has Lucien. Had I known that the knowledge of me having kids will make him go back to his home, I would've said it since. I have loved the peace of mind, but I have also experienced bad guilt. All I've been thinking about is the nagging feeling.
The kids have been asking more about their father, and the looks my best friend has been giving me has not been disguised one bit. I ignore it and pretend like the father of my kids isn't alive and well.
Imagine my shock when I come face to face with Lucien when I'm about to buy pizza.
Immediately, I say, "Don't tell me you're stalking me because we both know this is not your type of restaurant."
He smirks a little. "People can change Genevieve, plus a certain someone believes these taste better than the expensive ones. "
I unknowingly grin at him, and I attempt to move past him, and he follows me. When I order an extra large pizza, his eyes widens and he says, "damn. How many people do you live with?"
I roll my eyes and raise my eyebrows. "I live with Ama and my kids. They need the food. Trust me."
My heart beats at the fact of calling our kids mine. I feel guilty all over again, but shrug it off and decide to enjoy this rare occasion of Lucien and I conversing as if we did not have bad history. When I talk about my kids, I notice the smile on his face dims a little, but I shrug it off because I must be seeing things.
I sit down to wait for my order, and Lucien sits in front of me. I mask my anxiety, and give him a small smile even though am screaming inside.
He looks at me as if he is staring into my soul. I shift uncomfortably, and give him a wobbly smile. He stares at me as if deep in thought, and asks, "How was your pregnancy?"
The question throws me off so bad. That was the last thing I expected him to ask about. I narrow my eyes at him trying to gauge his reason for this question. I look at him and notice he is just genuinely curious.
"Well, after I found out I was pregnant and I could not contact my kids' father, I was so down, but I had family around me. I had my strongest support system, and although it was not how my parents envisioned getting grandkids from their only daughter, they still were by my side. My pregnancy was so difficult. I don't think I will be going that again."
His brows furrows, and he asks, "You don't want to have more kids?"
I shrug. "There is no reason to. If I am ever going to have kids, I will be married. I am not waiting on that anymore though. I love my kids," I say smiling.
Lucien stares at me as if lost n thought. "I am sure thanking care of twins was and is hard."
I smile slightly. "Having kids is not an easy feat to be honest, but I love it. I wish I had more time to spend with my kids because they are growing rapidly, and mama will miss them. My kids fight a lot, but that is normal for siblings. It is only slightly crazier because they are twins."
Lucien smiles and says, "Well, thank God I don't have kids."
MY heart sinks at that, and I decide to prod since he did the same to me. "You still don't want kids?" I ask genuinely curious and sad for my babies.
"Yes," he says. "My mother, sister and job are more than enough for me. I will rather not have kids when I know I will barely have time for them. The last thing I have time for is to create a family. Work is my main focus," he says while I try to control my tongue from telling him that he has two kids who need him.
I knew I made the right decision. He did not need to be dragged back by my kids. At least, I never gave him an opportunity to overthink or think about bribing me to keep our kids under wraps. I am deep in thought, when the waitress announces that my food is ready. Lucien and I head out to our cars, and bid each other farewell.
I am deep in thought at home to the extent that the talk keeps replaying in my mind. Yes, I know I did what I thought was right for my kids and myself. I also tried to reach Lucien, but I was blocked. I know I would have tried harder, but I was still dealing with the breakup.
I can not even lie, it hurts to hear that he still does not want kids. I know that if he knows about them, he will be there financially, but I don't want his money. I am doing okay. I want him to give my lovely kids what they are missing right now.
FATHERLY LOVE.
I sigh and go to bed knowing fully well that even if I tell my ma this, she will still be of the opinion that he needs to know about them, and I agree, but what if he does not want to know them?