MY mother had sensed there was something wrong with me, ever since Ola had dropped me off the day before but she chucked it up to me missing him. I scoff anytime I think of it, me? Miss that monster? Not in thislife or the next. I'd I miss someone that's so cruel to me? But my mommy didn't know that and I gave her a pass for coming to that conclusion.
"Don't take your makeup off!" I remember him giving me
that warning but He has got to be kidding me, my parents know for a fact I don't like wearing makeup and suddenly wearing it around the house would
definitely raise alarm bells with them.
I am currently sitting in front of my vanity looking
at my bruised face in the mirror, I can't believe I let a man do this to me.What was I thinking? When did I becoming a punching bag for a man? How did I
ever get here! I always watched the movies with the battered women in
it and hiss saying out loud "it can never be me…" but now here I am and it's me
alright, it's definitely me in the mirror with the spilt lip and the bruised
face. Feeling what any of those women must have felt, powerlessness, pain,
shame and the guilt of I had made him do this to me.
No woman should have to go through that, I know I
didn't make him hit me that night or the next night after that. He's just a
monster and I should have realize that sooner rather than later but I've
finally come to my senses.
Before I could process anything the door to my room
burst open, I knew my mother would never open the door without knocking and
asking if she could in and neither would my father. Halimat my younger sister…
and her voice solidified that fact for me.
"Fatima! My love" she lunged for me and tackled me
into a hug, the panic of her seeing my face didn't let me enjoy the thrill of
finally seeing my young sister after a while.
"Halima you should knock! Don't just come into peoples
rooms like that" panicking I looked around to try to find anyway that I could
hide my face but I couldn't find any… nothing to keep the shame.
"That has never being a problem befor…" she trailed
off when she stood up and saw my face from behind my hand that I had used to
cover it instinctively.
"Fatima! Fatima!! Who did this to you? I swear to
God!" I could sense the anger coming from her voice as she spoke and I shook my
head.
"Don't shout, lock the door." I said and she nodded
going to lock the door and coming back to sit on the bed next to me before
turning my face towards her and inspecting it.
"He did this to you?? That monster! I knew it! I just
knew it" Halima was almost fuming at the mouth as she spoke coming to her own
conclusions without waiting for me to answer.
"I fell…"
"Don't even come here with the classic cover up, this
is a palm print on your face!" Halimat cut me off as she inspected my face and I
couldn't hide the emotions anymore and I started crying.
"Fatima…" she added all the anger gone from her voice
and replaced with a soft tone that somehow brought me comfort.
"I don't want you to see me like this… to see what
I've become… he did this to me Halimat. He did this to me" my voice cracked
towards the end feeling all the pain and emotions I had locked away and
promised I would remain locked away come bubbling to the surface breaking the
exterior I had painstakingly cultivated.
"Fatima… stop… this isn't your fault. You haven't
become anything" she said gathering me into her arms as I began to cry my eyes
out onto her shoulders. I didn't realize that I needed this sort of hug and to
cry like this on someone's shoulder.
"I don't know what to do! I don't know what Momcy and
Daddy would say if I break off the engagement…"
"How many times did he hit you?" Halimat asked cutting
me off from what I was saying
"He hit my twice the first time, and the other time he
hit me thrice across the face and gave a punch in my stomach" I couldn't
believe I stayed after the first time and even let the second happen but I
lifted up my shirt to show her the large bruise on my stomach and I watched the
tears roll from her eyes.
My mother a Yoruba woman is a very fair woman, she
gets confused when an half-cast most times and lucky but in this case unlucky
for me I picked her skin color while my sister was more chocolate like our dad.
"God! That animal! We should tell daddy about this"
"No" I said shaking my head from side to side to clear
the thought. "Daddy won't agree to this… he's so proud of our union that he
doesn't see anything else"
"We both know daddy isn't that way! Anything that
would bring harm to us… his family he doesn't condone it! Ever" Halimat said
shaking her head at me to tell me off.
"But we can't do that Halimat… today is Sofia's
engagement party. He won't even be home for most of the day and we'd be meeting
at the party. Maybe after…" I don't know why I am putting this off, maybe
because I was ever still so scared of my father. The little girl in me hadn't
grown past seeking validation from him at every turn I could find and wanting
him to at least praise me. And this union made him happy and I didn't want to
make him sad or mad at me.
"After? How did you do it that Momcy didn't see this?"
Halimat asked looking at my face again in disbelief.
"I used makeup… I've being using makeup"
"I figured after asking the question… are sure you are
up for going to Sofia's party? We can stay home to watch Netflix and eat junks"
Halimat ask looking into my eyes with concern in hers.
"No… it's fine… we'd go… I'd just try to stay as far
away from him as I can" I said to her and she nodded bringing me into a bear
hug by her side and stroking my back as I just let the tears fall and she
patted my back.
I had never wanted Halimat to see me in such a
vulnerable state, I've always wanted her to see me as someone she could look up
to snd look down on but feeling her comforting me without any judgement in her
eyes, I knew she'd never think less of me.
***
The evening came sooner than I expected seeing as I
had to spend most of the evening doing my make up to cover all the bruises on
my face. Since dinner the night before and the hanging out after, I haven't
seen my father because he went to work to warp everything up so he could spend
the next five days with us around the house and anywhere we want to go.
After dressing up, myself, Halimat and my mother had a
full on production, taking pictures and videos for our various accounts all
over the house. The fun and laughter that filled the whole house warmed my
heart up and made me forget almost all my worries.
The drive to the venue wasn't a quiet one because
myself and my sister didn't stop talking all the way there about random stuffs
and how to edit our pictures and videos before sending moms own over to her
knowing her she wouldn't edit before posting it all over her socials.
"We are almost there o" Momcy called out to us from
the front seat and we got the idea because that meant get your act together and
be ready to greet and smile.
The car packed before the doors opened and we got out
to the bright lights a deep contrast to the darkness of the night and the car. They
were using Sofia's fathers house for the party and it had been decorated so
nicely with soft colors that Sofia usually called her best colors.
"Daddy wa" my mothers voice called out as she began
greeting and we followed behind her smiling and greeting them once they turned
their attention to us.
"Don't look but he's heading towards us…" Halimat said
coming closer to me and snatching my hand into hers before giving me a small
squeeze and I knew who she was talking about. The monster himself.
"My love" yes I knew who she was talking about before
and was even more sure when I heard his voice, it sounded like needles
scrapping through glass and irritating my ears
"Halimat, how are you? How's studies?" He asked my
sister stopping by my side as Halimat bent down
"Good evening Uncle Ola, how is everything" anybody
that knew Halimat would know that the smile was forced as can be and she didn't
want to be in his presence, thank God our mother was busy socializing.
"We thank God. Permit me to steal your sister away for
a minute or two" he said to her and she looked at me as if to ask "Would you be
okay?" And I nodded at her telling her not to worry about me.
"Baby… how are you?" I said turning to him and giving
him a light kiss on the lips, I wanted to immediately wipe my lip off but I
knew that's just look suspicious to everyone around. For some reasons the
parents always watched with eagle eyes.
"I am good but I missed you my Queen" he said dragging
me closer by my waist and deepening the kiss and I heard Halimat scoff behind
me
"Abeg all this relationship people… rest!" She called
out and I thanked God she managed to cover up her feelings.
"Don't be angry with us… you'd find yours soon" Ola
said before leading me away from the entrance and towards the insides of the
house.
"I have some partners I'd like you to meet, they even
came with their wives so you'd be able to socialize with them" Ola said walking
me towards the heart of the party and I wanted to crawl away. I didn't want to
socialize with anyone or even be in the same air space with him.
But regardless I maintained the smile on my face
"That's so nice, I'd like to talk to them" I wouldn't like to talk to them and
I didn't want to but I'd have to.
The mingling took a whole while and contrary to what I
had felt? I like socializing with the women and they made the conversation
lively that I almost forgot all my problems.
After a while we were ushered to the back of the house
where the tables had been set for dinner and a live band was playing from the
front. The setting was nice and spoke to the romance between the two persons in
love.
I took a sit with the rest of the woman and we
continued talking as the ushers brought food to us after we placed our orders
through the pads on the table. This isn't even the wedding and there's already
a lot of fancy Nancy going on.
"This party is so nice" one of the women said looking
around with a smile on her face
"I know right, it's wonderful" another of the wives
said and I tried to keep my mind on the whole conversation when I heard my name
being called from somewhere in the party. I decided after a while that I
probably wasn't the only one named Fatima that was attending this party when
the person called again this time walking towards where I sat.
A guy? The light didn't let me see him well till her
got closer and that's when I saw him as bright as day. My childhood friend from
primary school. Nelson… I couldn't believe my eyes.
"Nelson? Oh my God Nelson is that you?" I asked over
the sound of the music as he came closer to the table where I was sitting with
a big smile on his face.
"Nelson!"
"Fatima!"
We called out to each other simultaneously and I stood
up from where I was sitting to take him into a hug as she hugged me right back.
I couldn't believe I'd be seeing him here, right now at this party.
"Oh my God you've grown so much since when was it?" He
asked me as we broke the hug apart and I laughed probably the most
wholeheartedly laugh I've had since I got to the party.
"Fifteen? Sixteen years ago!" I exclaimed putting my
hands on my hip as we both just looked each other over with excitement in both
our eyes.
"I can't believe we just come across each other like
this.. I saw Halimat earlier but I didn't believe that's her" he said laughing
after the sentence and I just smiled back at him.
"Even myself… how's everybody?" I asked still standing
there with him before I heard someone clear his throat from behind. And just
like that he managed to dampen my fire and destroy the little fun I've managed
to have.
"Nelson… this is my fiancée… Ola" I said grabbing his
hand and he stood up trying to make himself look bigger by puffing his chest
and it took everything in me not to roll my eyes.
"Hi Ola.. Nice to meet you" Nelson said trying to
sound polite but Ola just ignored him and began to walk away with his hand
holding mine tightly.
"I'd be back soon" I said to Nelson and just followed
behind Ola as he walked away from the gathering into the main house where there
were people hanging around and then to a small corner of the house where there
wasn't much noise and even much attention.