Emma's POV
"Chase, look at me." He just kept on talking and talking. "Chase. Chase. Chase, look at me, look at me." I brought his face to mine, but it didn't stop him.
"Emma. No. I don't want to have to not do this. I'm tired of keeping quiet, being mature, and having my feelings under check. Emma, I have you here with me, and I still miss you. We could be so much more. Contrary to what you think there really is not much to live for. Emma, please. Give you to me, please. Falling for you, Emma, was like falling for grace."
"I don't want to keep imagining what would be if we gave this a chance, I want to live it. Emma, take me to your heaven." He was out of breath, and for that, I was grateful.
"Say something, please." He pleaded finally.
My eyes were moist, and so was my face. Chase never really came out about all this to me.
At that point, I knew everything could not be the same. Our lives had changed.
But worse than all, I hated feeling lonely. And even in times I felt I had everything, I still did feel lonely.
Almost half the school knew my past. I needed someone. I had known that for the longest time. I was just an idiot kid to many of them. I had no one to call, and literally none of them could relate to that, not even Lily whose parents were undergoing a messy divorce.
All the while he was talking, I had so much to say, so much to respond to, but putting me on the spot was the remedy for all that. I suddenly didn't know what to say or how to put it.
"Emma, I know how this is for you, but please don't think that I could ever forgive myself for all the stupid shit I've put you through. I'd take any time machine to go back and fix what I did."
I still sat there, crying and looking at him.
He took my hands and put them on his face.
"Touch me, Emma, touch me." I hate how the mind plays funny games.
I had the whole other time to think about stuff, but it was at that point that all the shit he really did put me through started pouring in.
In my mind, I reread the article in the school piece that he wrote about me being ugly. I relived all the bullying he and Jessica put Lily and I through. I saw him disrespect my mom and I too. I saw Chase feel unbothered when stupid news about me and my mom went round the school.
More still, I saw a credit alert from Chase to Lily. Chase wasn't talking about that.
I knew he'd had other girls since Jessica, but she was the one he saw to single out. I don't care for whatever reason he did that, but it was such a freaking huge turnoff.
I needed the truth. I hated surprises. I loved being sure, being certain.
We were in a pretty sensitive situation, but I really cared less about how he felt.
I've lived such a short, one filled with putting literally everyone else ahead of myself.
I needed to put me first. Chase was asking for a lot.
"You're asking for a lot." I said, finally.
"I Know." He said, holding my head up,"it's why I'm begging."
"Chase, you had to drink alcohol to say this to someone you claim to love." I asked, in disbelief.
"Emma, you're taking it all wrong, and some part of me feels like it's on purpose."
He looked at me with a very surprised look on his face.
"Here's me admitting that you are my medicine, Emma. I need you to fix me." He said. "I wanna go back and change things, but I can't. I wanna sleep with you next to me."
Chase was so good, so smooth with his tongue.
"Slow down!" I screamed. I was so close to having a meltdown. "This is too much for me to take at once." I added. "I didn't know what I was walking into when I agreed to come in here with you."
"What does that mean, Emma?" He asked me.
"Chase! I've known you for only about six months, the bulk of which we weren't even talking. You didn't treat me nice till you had a fallout with Jessica. Chase, you used my friend's boyfriend to get to me. You played your game so well. Gray kept bringing you along to meet Lily and I. Chase, that just shows how little you guys think of us. Gray kept bringing you, knowing Lily doesn't like you for shit…"
"Leave her out of this!" He screamed. "It's just you and I now, Emma."
"And I didn't either!" I shouted back. "Chase, Jessica embarrassed me on what was supposed to be a shopping spree with my friend because of you. I ended up attending the school trip with clothes Lily picked out. You kinda ruined my trip too, and I hope you remember. The same night you walked into my room to seduce me, you went straight to Jessica's and banged her brains out. Chase, she talked about it right there on the bus. All you do is embarrass me. News about me and my mom was floating in that school, and you kept quiet. You were comfortable with having me in your head and in your bed and going fishing, while your best friend claimed I killed his uncle. By the way, is there more I should know about that?" I sucked all the tears and mucus streaming down my face and asked him.
"Gray's funding the investigation." He said, looking down.
"I hate you! I fucking hate you, Chase. Get the hell away from me." I pushed him so hard he crashed against the chair and then on the wall.
"The key?" I asked him when I got to the door and realized it was locked.
"It's '2244'." He replied. The lock was digital from inside.
I unlocked the door and went back outside.