Emma's POV
I cried all the way out.
I want to believe I even say pity in Patty's eyes for the first in a long time,
I had never been this emotionally wrecked, not even back in Starry when the whole school got my pictures.
"Why? Why does this have to happen to me?!" I screamed to no one exactly.
It felt like my world was caving in and there was nothing I could do about it.
The next day came by fast.
I didn't know how I got in my bed, cause last I closed my eyes, I was still outside.
I woke up around five in the morning, it was still on my mind.
I knew Chase was gonna break my heart. I already knew about all that. I was still hurting inside, scared as fuck to fall in love. Worse still with someone who'd leave me shattered.
In all honesty, no one I've been with or had a crush on felt like Chase, but I still had to be cautious. I knew I was not the best at choosing others. My past speaks for itself and I didn't want history to repeat itself.
I continued rolling from side to side. Staring at the four walls in the room. The feeling was unfamiliar, but I knew it so well.
I felt my face swollen, I felt parched and thirsty, my eyes were heavy even to open.
I knew I couldn't stand the light, so I kept the lights in my room off.
I dragged myself off the bed, to spend some time gazing at the rest of night-life before everyone got up and started attending their business.
Mark's house was so peaceful at times like those.
"Lord, please." I wasn't ever really religious. "Please give me a sign. I need something. If there's a point to being broken, repeating pain, I hate this place! Please! Show me, tell me. There's got to be more."
My intrusive thoughts were paralyzing me.
I looked to the rest of the night sky. It looked so pretty, even with my blurry vision.
"I'll be much better somewhere else." I said to myself. It just seemed so unfair. There was no point to being good. I'd seen worse than Chase and Jessica combined.
Speaking of the devil, I saw him swinging in 'my' outdoor hammock.
He didn't look like he had gotten any sleep.
I felt a bitter taste and a heavy feeling in my throat because I pitied him. But he sure looked pitiful.
I looked away, I couldn't stand seeing him
Fresh tears were streaming down my tired eyes. I had a headache already and my eyes were hurting.
It's how nothing good was ever really for me. I crashed on the floor, sobbing.
My bedside clock read twenty-eight minutes past five. I had to start getting ready if I was planning to not bump into Chase.
I got in the shower, and reluctantly scrubbed my body.
I cried as I scrubbed the places I'd felt Chase's hands on.
If there was ever a time in one's life where they'd be granted their wishes, I wanted it to be then for me. I'd never felt so dead and caged, so sad.
I was done by thirty minutes past six.
I bolted downstairs with my sunshades on.
My vision was horrible. I kept my head down low, scared to ever meet Chase's eyes.
I was in the garage as soon as possible.
I took the most quiet ride, which was the car Chase rode out the day before
I caught the whiff of his perfume as soon as I got in. They evoked fresh new tears. I hated myself. I was breaking, and breaking fast. Every memory of him and I together came running back.
I shook the thoughts out of my head.
I started the engine and backed out of Mark's fancy garage.
I was friends with most of the home staff, so I had to greet a few of them on my way out, despite how I felt.
In my head it was chaotic, I started feeling sick.
The whole situation was taking its toll on me.
"You look like you've been going through hell." Lily said, pulling the shades off my face.
She winced when she saw how dark the circles around my eyes were.
I remembered tucking concealer and powder into some corner of my bag.
I tried force my bag out, but I was clumsy as fuck.
"Come over here." Lily dragged me out and helped me get it. She rummaged through the car for my stuff.
I wiped the crease of my clothes and straightened up. I exchanged the sunshades for my medicated glasses.
"Here." Lily handed me the powder which had already fallen out.
"Thank you." I croaked and applied some on my face.
I looked in a little mirror I always carried and it was good enough.
I looked closer in the mirror and saw that Chase was approaching from behind.
I dragged Lily out of the car and banged the door shut, locked it, held her hand and dragged her out of the parking lot.
"What was that for?" She asked when she finally caught her breath.
"Nothing." I replied, with a very forced smile.
"That's a lie, bitch." She said, Lily saw through me. But I never did see through her. Which is why I still hadn't been able to conjure the reason why Chase would be sending money to her.
That was not an immediate worry, so I shrugged it off.
"I know." I admitted. "We'll talk later." I still hadn't made up my mind whether I wanted to tell her or not. So I was just giving myself time to think.
Rudd was gone, so I comfortably sat in front of the class.
The sub was a cute little woman with square glasses that sat right on her nose.
Lily was next to me and kept squeezing my hand from time to time.
She didn't need to. My mind was in the class. It was all the distraction I could get, so I was exploiting it.
"Riddle me this." She whispered in my ear. "I'm…"
"We both know you're about to make a joke about me." I said, laughing. Lily was predictable, and sweet and secretive.