It's been 3 days since Reiss and I had s3x. The memories and images just keep resurfacing no matter how hard I try to bury them, because even though I enjoyed that night, I can't help but remember all the bad things I did to him when we were in school together.
I haven't been myself since that night. I haven't even talked to Reiss; it's like, when I look at him, there's this invisible void between us that neither of us is willing to break.
I'm super scared because, for the first time, I don't understand what I want.
My body wants him to just pin me to the wall and fuck me till my knees grow weak. I want him to do those things with his fingers and that mouth of his. Anything and everything he thinks of, I want him to try it all on me. But then I hate myself, and I feel like crying for letting him touch me in the first place.
All I wanted to do was apologise, and he took it elsewhere! I gave my body to someone I didn't even love, and he doesn't even love me back! Even after that night, he didn't kiss me goodnight or ask if I was okay!
He just slept off like nothing happened, and he's been acting like nothing ever happened. I hate that this was more special for me than it was for him. Now I bet he'll belittle me like those models who can't resist his charms.
Just on the first night, Freya!
First night, and I was already screaming "Take me, Reiss" at the top of my lungs.
Gosh
Now he'll treat me like a fool who would do anything to have him inside me again. He's very stupid for making me crave him like this, and he damn well knows what he's doing to me!
And I fucking hate how my body wants to relive that night all over again!
ugh! I have never wanted a man in my life before!
I've always been the dominant one, and now here I am, sitting outside in the cottage, drinking orange juice. horny as fuck.
And then… There's still one thing that towers over all these emotions.
The truth is...
Reiss hates me, and the fact that he hasn't forgiven me for what happened scares the living crap out of me.
I'm terrified of what his channelled anger might actually do to me. I was right all along. He didn't just marry me because his father wanted him to settle down; it was also the reason why he was adamant on me being the one to walk down that aisle and not Selena.
It's all because he wants to exert his vengeance on me. For so long, he must have carried this hatred, and now he finally has the chance to act on it without being questioned because I'm legally his wife.
This is a fucking nightmare I've gotten myself into.
But I can't help but wonder: Does he want me too? Since he was the one who instigated the whole S3X thing,.
But then again!
Men could do anything to fuck a woman, and I just played right into his trap. It doesn't mean anything to him.
Then why? Why have s3x with me of all people? The number one woman he hates the most. Just why?
Is it because he's trying to break my resolve? Show me how vulnerable I am before him. Drive me nuts, and then watch me go crazy myself?
No! No, I can't allow that to happen. Getting married to a stranger was one thing, but knowing he's your enemy just sends you on high alert!
"What do I do?" I sighed as I watched the water wash up a rock.
"Ma'am," I heard someone call, and I turned to check who it was.
"Oh, Gabrielle"
With a warm smile, she answered, "Ma'am, I came to inform you that dinner will be ready in 15 minutes."
"Okay, thanks," I answered.
As Gabrielle was about to leave, I couldn't help but ask about him.
"Where is Reiss? I mean, my husband."
"He's in his study. Sir Reiss is just so hardworking that sometimes it's scary to watch," she says with a shy chuckle.
"Really? " So how long have you worked here?"
"Quite a while, ma'am," she nodded.
"Which means you might have an idea of how he treated his past girlfriends, right? And please don't call me ma'am; Freya is much better."
"Okay, ma'am Freya. But I really don't know if it's alright to discuss such a matter with you."
"Oh, it's fine." I waved several times, trying to assure her that it was okay.
"He's my husband after all," I laugh.
"Okay, but I wonder why you would ask me instead of him?" She raised a brow.
Look, I know she's trying to be cautious because Reiss is the'master' and I'm just the new face. I really need to know all of this so I can plan my next move.
"You see, we met up and fell in love so fast; I just never had time to ask him about other girls, and even when he proposed, it just cemented his feelings for me, you know?
And like you said, he's a hard worker, so I'd hate to disturb him because of idle chatter."
Her nodding and that brown head of hers just confirm that my lie has gotten through to her.
So come on, Gabi, spill it all for Mama.
"You know..." she starts as she takes the chair beside me.
"Mr. Reiss is somewhat private about his life, so he never liked the press knowing about his relationships, and no one knew. That's because he brought them here during the weekends, but there were so many that I and the others lost count. She laughed
"Although, one thing we were familiar with among all girls was the crying. They always left here crying, but they never came back. Except Araceli, though.
"Thank you so much for this; I'll be at the dining room soon." I smiled.
She reciprocated before taking her leave.
They all left crying, huh?
~~~
Later that night...
Just another quiet dinner between us both, although Reiss was acting like the opposite of what I thought he'd act like.
I was so afraid of seeing him that I'd always ask for my dinner to be brought upstairs, except for today because I wanted to confront him with a now-sound mind and tamed body.
But here he was, acting so sweetly towards me. Kissing me on the forehead as soon as he saw me enter the dining hall.
Pulling my chair out for me and demanding I get whatever I felt like eating from the cooks.
Even as we sat to eat dinner, he insisted I sit beside him and still held my hand on the table.
Was I dreaming or something?
Was this another mischievous plot from him?
Because I fucking remember vividly when he said to me that night that he could never accept my apology because he hates me too much to do so.
Then why all this pretence? Is he trying to suffocate me with his all-new righteous husband role? Or was this actually for real?
My eyes darted from my food to our intertwined hands occasionally, and I shivered each time his thumb caressed my hands.
It's like I'm in the hole of a snake, just waiting to strike and poison me with his venom.
This is crazy; I've decided
I can't do this.
"Reiss, I have something to say." I mustered all my determination and courage. Since he has finished eating, he should be in a good mood right now.
All I know is that, no matter what, I will get what I want from him this night. No backing down.
"Well, go on, honey," he smiled as he turned to look at me.
"I want a divorce."