Chapter 13: An average day at the Fox Hole
– Haru –
"Here's your tea, Momonga," I said, placing the steaming cup in front of the living skeleton. According to him, he was an undead known as an Overlord—which was basically the Magical King of skeletons? Yeah, his world was weird. But weird was the new normal around here.
"Thank you, Haru," the skeleton replied, elegantly picking up the teacup with two bony fingers. He brought it to his lips—er, well, where his mouth should've been—and somehow managed to make sipping noises. I didn't even bother questioning it at this point.
"I'd like to thank you for saving some of those prisoners for us," Momonga said after a slight pause. "In my zeal the other day, I ended up killing all the magic casters that invaded your territory, Haru," he admitted with a slightly embarrassed tone.
Albedo, who sat next to him, frowned deeply. Her golden eyes glinted with disdain as she crossed her arms. "Hmph! Those pathetic worms should have considered themselves honored to die by your divine hand, my love!" Her voice dripped with fervent adoration and pride.
"R-Right," Momonga stuttered slightly, shifting awkwardly in his seat. He cleared his throat, or at least made a sound resembling it. "That reminds me, Haru. I've decided to change my name. From now on, I am no longer Momonga. I am Ainz Ooal Gown."
"At least you picked a cool sounding new name," I said with a chuckle. "Have you given more thought to my offer, Ainz?" I added.
"Er…" Ainz glanced at me, then at Albedo, who was sitting next to him.
"What offer is that, my love?" Albedo asked curiously.
Ainz hesitated for a moment before explaining. "Haru offered to find someone who could teach me transformation magic," he said, his voice carrying a hint of awkwardness. "It would allow me to take on a humanoid, fleshy form…"
Albedo's eyes lit up with pure, unbridled excitement, her cheeks flushing as her breathing became heavier. "Such a thing is truly possible!?" she exclaimed. She turned toward me, almost trembling. "You will have my eternal gratitude if you make this happen, Lord Haru! I cannot wait to be able to lie with my beloved Ainz for real!" She clasped her hands together, her golden eyes practically sparkling with lust. "The sounds of our passionate lovemaking will echo throughout the halls of Nazarick for hours upon hours! Shalltear will be so incredibly jealous when I rub it into her undead face that I'm pregnant with our child!" Albedo turned back to Ainz. "What should we name it if it's a boy? Or maybe it will be a girl?" She blinked up at him, waiting eagerly for his response.
I just stared from where I stood behind the counter...
Albedo really wanted that D…
Somehow, despite being a skeleton, Ainz managed to look utterly horrified—or at least, as close to horrified as a skull could get. His red eyes flickered in panic. "Er—please, calm yourself, Albedo," he said, his voice faltering slightly. "I haven't even started learning transformation magic yet…"
Albedo pouted, her excitement faltering for just a moment, and she let out an adorable little huff, crossing her arms. "Hmph! But you will learn it, right, Ainz-sama?" she pressed, her voice laced with impatience.
Ainz shifted awkwardly, looking like he regretted everything. "W-We'll see. Let's not get ahead of ourselves…"
"Of course, my beloved!" Albedo's mood shifted back in an instant, her eyes filled with renewed determination. "I'll wait for as long as it takes. Our love knows no bounds!"
The conversation shifted as Ainz leaned forward, his glowing red eyes focused intently on me. "Haru," he began, "what's the strangest thing you've seen in the other dimensions your restaurant has connected to?"
I paused, thinking it over. "Well... I haven't seen it yet, but yesterday, my restaurant connected to a place called the Citadel. It's located in deep space and is run by a bunch of aliens…"
Ainz had just taken another sip of his tea when he spat it all out of his bony mouth in shock!
The tea splashed all over Albedo…
Instead of looking upset, Albedo's eyes lit up, and she giggled, wiping the tea from her face while panting with that lecherous expression. "Ainz-sama," she purred, her voice full of delight, "If you wanted to get me wet all you had to do was ask…"
Succubi were weird, or maybe it was just Ainz's girl that was special...
Ainz, ignoring Albedo's reaction, looked at me in disbelief. "Aliens? Such things actually exist?"
"Yeah," I replied with a chuckle. "And they're pretty hot, too. The Asari, which is the alien species I met, are all beautiful blue women. They're also monogendered which is pretty interesting."
Ainz tilted his skull curiously. "Then how do they…" he trailed off awkwardly, his bony fingers tapping lightly against the table.
"How do they make more Asari?" I grinned. "I have no idea yet. That would've been a pretty awkward thing to ask during first contact." I laughed, shaking my head at the memory. "What made it even funnier was that the Goddess Amaterasu decided to pay my restaurant a visit while I was talking to them. It freaked the alien out even more."
Ainz's red eyes flared with interest. "A Goddess visited your restaurant during first contact with an alien race? What even is your life…?"
Albedo, now mostly dry after using the towel I handed her, perked up as well. "There are gods in your world, Lord Haru?" she asked. "Do you hunt them for sport like the Supreme Beings did back in Yggdrasil?"
I blinked at her. "Um, no…?"
Albedo pouted slightly. "I see. That's… disappointing. It would've been quite thrilling, I imagine."
I turned to Ainz, wanting to ask what the whole "hunting Gods" thing was about, but he just told me that he would explain later.
More customers were entering the Fox Hole anyways.
"Haru, my friend! Tis good to see you again!" Agnar's booming voice filled the restaurant as he walked in with his vampire wife, Serana, close behind. He glanced around the room, noticing the unfamiliar faces of Ainz and Albedo seated nearby. "I see you have some new and unusual customers," Agnar added with a grin, casually plopping himself down at the bar counter next to them. The Dragonborn was just a big friendly Nord. "Tis nice to make your acquaintance!" Agnar said with a wide smile. "I am Agnar, and the lovely woman behind me is my wife, Serana." He gave Serana a playful nudge as she sighed softly, taking her seat beside him.
"Charmed..." Serana said, exchanging nods with Albedo. The two women seemed to size each other up for a moment before settling into the strange atmosphere.
"It is nice to meet you as well," Albedo replied, eyeing Serana with mild interest before returning her attention to Ainz.
"What dimension do you come from?" Ainz asked curiously, his voice echoing slightly. "And what is your armor made of if I may ask? I've always thought black armor was the coolest looking, myself."
Agnar's grin widened even more as he patted Ainz on the shoulder. "Thank you, my new undead friend! My armor is made from ebony, a very rare and expensive ore that can be mined in Skyrim, the home of the Nords!" he said proudly.
Ainz's eyes glowed with fascination. "Ebony? Interesting... I've never heard of such a metal."
Agnar turned to me next, leaning in a bit. "Serana and I just got back from another dragon subjugation quest. Falkreath was being threatened by a dragon that demanded human sacrifices every week, or it would burn the village to the ground. Thankfully we took care of it before it came to that."
Ainz and Albedo were both lost so I explained to them a bit about Agnar's dimension. "The dragons in Skyrim used to rule over the world before they were overthrown and all killed. But a while back, one of those dragons managed to resurrect itself from the dead and brought the rest of them back to life as well. Now they're causing havoc all over the place."
Serana gave a slight nod. "And if it's not a dragon causing trouble, then it's always something else equally insane..." she added dryly.
Ainz's red eyes flared with interest. "You must be quite strong to routinely slay dragons," he said, his voice carrying a hint of admiration as he looked at Agnar.
Agnar chuckled deeply, flexing his arms. "Aye, it takes strength, but it also takes strategy. Dragons are crafty beasts. You've got to hit them where they're weakest, and make sure you've got a good weapon." He patted the hilt of his ebony sword. "This beauty's helped me slay more than my fair share of 'em." Agnar reached into the bag on his hip, which I only now realized was some kind of expanded storage pouch, much like the magical bags I'd seen before. He grinned widely at me, his eyes gleaming with excitement. "Haru, my friend, I've brought a treat for you to prepare for lunch!" he exclaimed, his voice booming as he began pulling out several large cuts of meat from the seemingly endless bag.
At first glance, I couldn't tell what kind of animal the meat came from, and I leaned in, inspecting it curiously. "What is this?" I asked, my tails swaying behind me in excitement from the smell alone.
"This, my friend, is horker meat—the most succulent and delicious meat in all of Skyrim!" he proclaimed proudly.
"Horker?" I raised an eyebrow. "What's a horker?"
Agnar launched into a quick description, telling me that horkers were large, tusked creatures that lived in the icy waters of Skyrim. They sounded a bit like walruses, only more aggressive and larger. "Their meat's the best—rich, tender, and full of flavor," he assured me.
I nodded, intrigued. "How do you cook them?" I asked eagerly, feeling my tails sway even faster. The thought of preparing something new always got me excited, especially when it came highly recommended like this.
Agnar scratched his chin awkwardly, glancing at Serana. "Uh… well, you see..." he began, clearly unsure.
Serana let out a sigh and shot him a look of exasperation. "Honestly, Agnar, how have you survived all these years as an adventurer without knowing how to cook?" she grumbled, shaking her head.
"That's what you're here for, love," Agnar said with a sheepish smile, which earned him an eye roll from his vampire wife.
Serana turned to me, crossing her arms. "Horker meat is pretty much like cooking a steak—just thicker and more tender. Grill it a bit longer than your average T-bone, and it should turn out perfect," she explained, her tone more practical. Then, to my surprise, she added, "It's one of the few meats I can actually ingest as a vampire… as long as it's extra, extra rare."
I blinked. "Extra rare, huh?" I smirked. "That pretty much means I'm not going to be cooking it at all."
Serana chuckled softly. "Just wave it over the fire, Haru. That'll do."
But no way was I just going to serve up raw meat. My pride as a chef was on the line here! "I'll at least season it properly," I declared. "No one's getting a bland cut of meat in my restaurant." I mentally ran through the list of spices I had on hand. Something earthy to complement the richness of the horker, maybe a bit of sea salt to enhance the natural flavors.
Ainz and Albedo, who had been quietly enjoying their tea up until now, perked up at the mention of the steaks. Neither of them had ordered any food yet. Technically, Ainz didn't even need to eat, and Albedo had a ring that stopped her from feeling hunger altogether.
"Did you say steaks?" Ainz asked, his glowing eyes locked on the cuts of horker meat on the counter.
Albedo leaned forward eagerly. "I'd like to try a cut as well. Even Nazrick's great chefs cannot compare to Lord Haru's cooking."
Agnar chuckled heartily. "No need to worry, friends. Horkers are very big creatures—I've brought more than enough for everyone."
With that said, I immediately went to work. I fired up the grills and started seasoning all the meats. I filled a few pans with my homemade butter along with a few pinches of salt as well that I would sprinkle over the steaks to add that little bit of extra deliciousness.
…
Agnar had been right. The horker steaks were absolutely delicious—some of the juiciest, most tender cuts I'd ever prepared. Everyone seemed satisfied with their meals, including me. I had made myself a steak too, and as I chewed the rich, flavorful meat, I could tell this was a new favorite.
While I started cleaning up the kitchen, I could hear Ainz and Agnar chatting at the bar about weapons and minerals found in Skyrim.
Serana had joined Albedo at a nearby table, and the two of them were deep in what could only be described as… girl talk. What exactly do a female vampire and a succubus discuss when they think no one is listening? Well, judging by the things I heard—things that made my face flush red and my ears flop down in embarrassment—it wasn't exactly the kind of conversation I needed to overhear.
I loved having enhanced senses as a kitsune, but sometimes super hearing was a curse. There were more than a few nights growing up where I could overhear my mother, Yasaka, "satisfying herself" late at night in the palace through the thin walls…
I finished cleaning up the kitchen and packed the leftover horker steaks neatly into the freezer, grateful for the distraction. The peace didn't last long, though. Just as I finished, the doors to my restaurant burst open with a loud bang. A woman with blue skin and long, pointed ears stormed in. She wasn't an Asari though—her features were sharper, and I recognized her as a Dark Elf from Skyrim. Her intense red eyes locked onto Agnar.
"Dragonborn!" she called out urgently. "Your assistance is immediately needed. Three dragons are flying directly toward Whiterun!"
Agnar and Ainz's conversation halted as the large Nord stood up, his expression turning serious in an instant. "Three at once, Irileth?" he asked, his hand already reaching for the hilt of his sword.
Irileth nodded grimly. "Yes. It's an emergency."
Her attention briefly shifted to the rest of the room, her gaze flickering with surprise as it moved between me, Ainz, and the others. When her eyes landed on me, a hint of recognition flashed in them. "Hello," she said with a curt nod. "My name is Irileth, and I am Jarl Balgruuf's personal guard. I apologize for not greeting you sooner. Things have been so chaotic in Skyrim that the Jarl hasn't had a chance to welcome you personally."
I blinked. "The Jarl knows who I am?"
Irileth nodded. "Of course. All of Whiterun knows who you are, Lord Haru. The Dragonborn and Aela the Huntress both openly brag about you and your restaurant."
"Well, that's... flattering," I said, scratching the back of my head, feeling a bit embarrassed by the sudden praise.
Ainz, having listened quietly, spoke up, his voice calm but curious. "Three dragons at once... That sounds like quite the challenge. Do you plan to face them alone, Agnar?"
Agnar looked at Ainz, a determined smile on his face. "Not alone, my new undead friend. I'll have Serana, Irileth and some of Whiterun's finest soldiers at my side. But if you're offering your assistance, I wouldn't mind the help."
Ainz's eyes glowed with interest. "I believe this could be a valuable learning experience..."
I was tempted to join them.
"Meh, what the hell," I said, stepping out from behind the counter. As I walked over to join the group, I noticed a flicker of relief in Irileth's eyes, though she still kept glancing at Ainz with a wary expression.
Ainz noticed her discomfort. "If my appearance is unsettling, I could wear a mask to hide my features. I wouldn't want to make the people of Whiterun uneasy."
Before Irileth could respond, Albedo hissed sharply, her golden eyes narrowing in displeasure. "How dare you suggest that Ainz-sama should hide himself!" she snapped, glaring at Irileth.
Agnar, however, laughed loudly, his booming voice cutting through the tension. "What kind of pansy milk-drinkers do you take us Nords for!?" he declared, slapping a hand against Ainz's bony shoulder. "The true Nords won't be scared of you just because you're undead. We've seen worse!" The Dragonborn wasn't biased against undead, after all he had married one.
Serana smirked and placed a light kiss on Agnar's cheek. "My man might be a big dumb lug who only knows how to shout and swing around a greatsword, but his heart's always in the right place. The people of Whiterun learn to accept me, and I'm sure they'll accept you in time as well."
Ainz looked relieved to hear that.
With that, we left my restaurant and stepped into the open streets of Whiterun. It was my second time seeing the city, the first being when I went out on my first date with Aela. Unlike that lively day, the streets were now deserted. Everyone had fled indoors, save for the soldiers and the brave members of the Companions, who stood ready to defend the city.
The distant sound of dragons roaring echoed over the mountains, but thanks to my enhanced hearing, I could tell those roars were getting closer—fast. "We've got about five minutes, tops, before the dragons get here," I told everyone.
Agnar gave a sharp nod of acknowledgment, while Ainz's red eyes glowed thoughtfully. "How do we want to handle this?" Ainz asked. "Shall each of us take on a single dragon?"
I shrugged, rolling my shoulders to loosen up. "I'm fine with that. Just let me keep the dragon's bones and meat after I take it down. Dragon meat is a delicacy in my restaurant, and it goes fast." The last batch I had from the dragon Harry killed had already sold out in just a few days!
Agnar smirked. "This is Skyrim, Haru! You keep whatever you kill obviously!"
As I stretched my arms, preparing for the impending battle, I overheard Irileth speaking in hushed tones with a few nearby guards. "These people are insane," she muttered, her voice tinged with disbelief. "They're discussing killing dragons so casually—and eating them!"
One of the guards beside her nodded. "I've never heard of anyone eating a dragon before…"
I couldn't help but grin, my ears twitching as I turned to them. "Trust me," I said, "once you've had dragon steak, you'll understand." I tried to reassure them, but some of them still looked at me like I was insane. They'd catch on.
Suddenly, a loud roar cut through the air, much closer than before. I could feel the vibrations through the ground as three massive shadows swept over the mountains, heading straight for Whiterun. The dragons were nearly here.
Agnar unsheathed his ebony greatsword, his eyes shining with the thrill of battle. "Time to show these beasts why they fear the Dragonborn!" he shouted.
Ainz raised a hand, dark magic crackling between his skeletal fingers. "Let's see if these creatures are formidable enough to face Ainz Ooal Gown!"
I summoned a bit of foxfire, letting the blue flames flicker at my fingertips. "Alright, boys and girls, let's make this quick. I've got a restaurant to run," I said with a grin.
– Kunou –
"Kunou-sama! Please slow down! Your brother's restaurant isn't going anywhere!" Tanya-chan called out.
Kunou darted through the streets of Kyoto, her face lighting up with a big, happy smile. It was the best time of the day—lunchtime! That meant an hour away from her tutors and a chance to see her awesome big brother at his restaurant. She could hear Tanya, her bodyguard, panting behind her, trying to keep up as she zigzagged through the crowded streets while barely avoiding colliding with startled Yokai.
Those who recognized her just chuckled and cheered her on as she ran.
Finally, Kunou reached The Fox Hole, bursting through the doors with excitement. "I'm here, Haru-niichan!" she sing-songed. But as she looked around the empty restaurant, her smile faded into a pout. "Huh? Where is everyone?" She sniffed the air, her keen senses picking up the lack of her brother's usual scent. "Aww…" she muttered, realizing that Haru was gone.
A few seconds later, Tanya caught up, her blonde hair a bit disheveled. The 13-year-old leaned forward, planting her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath. "You're so fast… on the ground…"
"Haru's not here," Kunou complained.
Tanya straightened up, glancing around the quiet restaurant. "Maybe he went to see one of his girlfriends?" Tanya suggested with a shrug.
Kunou pouted again, stamping her foot on the wooden floor. "He can make kissy faces with his girlfriends later! I'm hungry now!" As if on cue, her stomach growled loudly.
Tanya smiled faintly. "Maybe he's still nearby. If we check one of the dimensions—"
"Okay! Let's check Skyrim first!" Kunou declared immediately. She closed the door, picturing Whiterun in her mind, and then flung the door back open. The moment the door opened, a deafening ROAR filled the air, followed by the ground-shaking BOOM of something heavy crashing nearby!
Kunou's eyes lit up. "I found niichan!" she said happily, completely ignoring the chaos as she sprinted through the streets of Whiterun. Behind her, Tanya's panicked shouts followed, but Kunou was too focused. She could smell her brother now. He was just outside the city, and from the sounds of it, he was fighting a dragon!
"So cool…" Kunou whispered to herself as she hopped up one of the ramps leading to the city's edge. There, she saw a group of soldiers watching the battle intently. A Dark Elf woman stood at the front, barking orders.
"Agnar, Haru, and Ainz look like they're winning, but keep those arrows ready in case one of the dragons tries to get past them and attack Whiterun itself!" the Dark Elf commanded.
"Yes, ma'am!" several soldiers saluted, gripping their bows tightly.
Kunou walked right up behind the Dark Elf and tapped her shoulder. "Hi there! Why's my brother fighting a dragon?" she asked.
The Dark Elf jumped, startled, before quickly spinning around to face Kunou. She stared down at the small girl with a mixture of shock and concern, then quickly placed her hands on her hips. "What are you doing out here, child? This is no place for you!"
Kunou puffed out her cheeks, her tails swishing behind her in frustration. "I want to see Haru fight the dragon!" she complained, not understanding why anyone would keep her from watching something so cool.
Tanya finally caught up, her face flushed from running again so soon after catching her breath. "Kunou-sama, please! You can't just run into battlefields!"
"I'm not on a battlefield!" Kunou pointed fiercely outside the city walls. "The battlefield is out there!" Her eyes gleamed with excitement as she watched her brother conjure a massive plume of blue foxfire and hurl it at the red dragon. The resulting explosion shook everything around them, and Kunou gasped in delight. But her joy quickly turned to anger when the dragon roared in a language she couldn't understand and struck Haru with a bolt of lightning that appeared out of nowhere.
Kunou's fur bristled as she growled, her small fists clenched. "How dare you hurt my big brother, you stupid lizard! I'll kill you!" She made a move to hop over the ledge, ready to charge into the fray, but Tanya swiftly grabbed her and pulled her back.
Tanya sighed in exasperation. "Haru is fine, Kunou-sama. Look—see? All that lightning did was give him a little jolt… he's already retaliating!"
Kunou's angry expression shifted back into a grin as she watched Haru leap into the air, dozens of feet high, and punch the dragon square in the face. The massive beast struggled to stay airborne after the blow and crashed down into the dirt with a thunderous impact.
"It looks like it's almost over," Irileth said with a sigh of relief. "All three dragons have now been grounded."
Kunou pouted as Tanya finally released her. She crossed her arms. "I wanted to help… First, I miss out on fighting zombies, and now I don't get to fight any dragons either."
Tanya chuckled and gave her a pat on the head. "It's not over yet," she said, glancing at Irileth. "My name is Tanya Degurecheff. I'm Lady Kunou's bodyguard... and playmate," she added with a hint of reluctance, earning a giggle from Kunou. Tanya always acted so serious, but she was fun to tease.
Irileth smiled slightly. "It's fine. I've heard tales of Haru's family from Aela herself. I knew what to expect. Thankfully, the danger seems to have passed. Agnar has slain his dragon, and the undead—Ainz—has almost finished his as well."
Tanya tilted her head curiously. "Why were three dragons attacking this place in the first place?"
Irileth frowned, shaking her head. "I don't know. Maybe it's vengeance against the Dragonborn himself. Agnar's known to live in Whiterun most of the time. Regardless, it is safe now, and I'm sure the streets will soon be full of Nords celebrating long into the night."
Kunou's face brightened at the word "celebrate."
"I want to go to a party!" she exclaimed.
Tanya smiled indulgently. "I'm sure your mother will let you go, as long as you don't stay out too late."
But just as they relaxed, a deafening roar echoed from the other side of the city. Irileth's eyes widened in panic as a fourth dragon appeared out of nowhere, soaring over the mountains toward Whiterun.
"Shit, there's another one!" Irileth shouted.
Some of the guards nearby began to panic, but Irileth quickly barked orders to keep them calm. "Hold your ground!"
Kunou puffed out her chest and declared, "Don't worry, everyone! I'll slay this dragon, just like my brother!"
The guards stared at her in disbelief, but before Kunou could take another step, Tanya stepped in front of her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "No, Kunou-sama, you will not be fighting any dragons on my watch," she said firmly, unslinging the rifle from her back. "I will take care of this one."
Irileth raised an eyebrow, glancing at Tanya doubtfully. "No offense, but aren't you a bit young to be fighting dragons? You're not much bigger than Lord Haru's sister."
Kunou giggled at the mortified look that crossed Tanya's face.
"I'll show you who's small!" Tanya muttered under her breath. With a determined look, she took off into the sky, flying high above the city as magic circles formed in front of her rifle.
Kunou watched in awe as Tanya began chanting that strange, math-based magic she always used. Then, with a sharp crack, Tanya pulled the trigger, and Kunou had to cover her ears as a deafening boom split the air. A massive explosion erupted in the sky, and the dragon's roar was cut off mid-sound.
Kunou, with her enhanced vision, spotted the dragon's body tumbling out of the cloud of smoke. Even from this distance, she could see it was missing most of its head. "Whoa…" Kunou whispered in admiration. Tanya had blown the dragon's head clean off.
"By the gods…" Irileth breathed. "I stand corrected."
Kunou grinned proudly. "See? Tanya-chan is the best!" She looked up as Tanya floated back down toward them.
"Modern guns work so much better…" Tanya muttered to herself as she landed on the ground. She then let out an adorable yelp when the nearby guards all picked her up and started cheering. They also decided to pick Kunou up as well and she giggled as they started parading the "little dragon slayer" and her friend up and down the streets of Whiterun!
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