Evangeline's eyes open at the first light of the day, she quickly feels the soreness between her thighs, and the sticky sensation upon moving her legs to slowly get up, her arms aching as she uses them for support. And when her eyes fully adjust to the dimness of the curtained room, she sees a figure standing just a few feet from the blue sheeted, double-sized bed. Professor Peter Julian Moore, with his hair dripping wet, a towel around his neck, wearing a white shirt buttoned up perfectly tucked inside his slacks. He had something black in his hands, though Evangeline couldn't tell what, and a troubled expression etched across his face.
"Good morning…" Evangeline was at a loss for words and ended up saying the most unlikely thing to be said in such a situation. She pulls the duvet higher to cover her body, but she feels as if it is ironic after what had transpired between them.
She knew they crossed boundaries that shouldn't have been crossed between a professor and his student. Their professional relationship was at stake, and she couldn't even begin to imagine the consequences someone who could have seen them reports them to the university. She knew she could be saved, but the price that Moore will pay if this ever gets out is enough to tighten her chest with guilt.
"I have your clothes," he passed her black dress, the floral scent coming from it was a sign that he had just washed the dress.
"Thank you, professor" Evangeline takes it from him, ignoring the spark when she met his hand.
Moore's expression turned sour, and Evangeline immediately thinks she has said something wrong. "You can call me Julian," he says, his tone cautious.
"It's a bit informal, but anything would be better than calling me professor in this situation" he adds and her brows furrow at the implications.
"Julian, then," she hesitates, her eyes scanning the interior of the room, placing them anywhere but on the man standing in front of her. "I didn't…this is awkward, but I wasn't expecting for this to happen."
Evangeline knew this was the greatest mistake she had ever made in her life. This was not supposed to happen, she wasn't supposed to have given in to her desires so easily.
"I wasn't thinking straight. I know I made this situation happen, I – " he broke off, running a hand through his wet hair. "I'm not usually like that." He speaks with frustration, and Evangeline could tell he was really blaming himself.
She swallowed dryly; her throat tight as she nodded. "I know," her voice was soft, a little strained, and her hands clenched the sheet tighter. "Me neither."
Julian sat down on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. "This can't happen again," there was a finality in his tone that made something in her chest ache. Sure, Evangeline wasn't expecting anything serious but hearing him say it so decidedly made it real for her. Whatever happened between them last night has just been a one-night stand. Nothing more.
"I should've been smarter. I didn't mean to drink so much, and I know I sound like I'm making excuses for myself, but I really should've been more responsible for myself" Julian spoke in a soft, apologetic tone that made her squirm on the bed uncomfortably.
"I also made my own choices, it wasn't just on you" she assures. Evangeline's 22, and she's about to turn 23, she was old enough to make her own decisions and she's already more than aware of the gravity of her actions.
"I know, Evangeline. But I'm still your professor, and I crossed a line that shouldn't have been crossed between us" Julian rubs his hands across his face repeatedly as if doing it would erase what had already happened. "I know you're an adult, and you get to make your own choices, but this…it's something that shouldn't have happened if I didn't…" Julian abruptly stops, as if he was about to say something he didn't want to speak about.
"Are you alright?" he asks, and Evangeline was made to wonder the same.
Was she alright? The night had been a whirlwind of emotions, desires, and impulses, and now all she was feeling was the aftermath. She wasn't sad, or devastated, but she wasn't fine either. There was a strange feeling of losing something, similar to the feeling of getting something, only for it to be taken away again in the span of a single night. Evangeline chooses her words carefully as she twists the duvet around her fingers. Again, she was looking at anything but Julian.
"I think I'll be okay" she finally says, offering a small smile. "It's just…it's a lot."
Julian nodded, his own expression a tangled mess of guilt, confusion, and something else directed to the woman sitting on his bed. "Yeah," he breathes. "It is."
The room fell into a silence, neither of them knowing what to say. The intimacy and passion they had shared the night before was now replaced with uncertainty and shame of their actions, both grappling with the consequences of their choices that had changed everything they ever had between them – before anything had ever really started.
.
.
.
Julian couldn't believe what he had done. Spending a night of passion with one of his students at the university? It wasn't him. He wasn't the kind of man to bring a girl home, who let his guard down so easily just as Evangeline did to him that night, especially with someone like her – his student. Even if she wasn't really his student anymore, there was still a level of responsibility that he had broken, shattered in a single night. As a professor, a working adult years older than her, Julian should've known better than to let his desires run wild.
He looks at her with guilt twisting his gut uncomfortably. Evangeline was putting her clothes on again, refusing to shower when he offered. He didn't want to push, he had already done enough last night. Julian wonders what she is thinking. Did she regret it? She had seemed so sure of everything last night, so in control of herself, but now that he's in his right mind again, the confidence that she had was also probably the alcohol talking for the both of them.
"Thanks…for offering the shower, but I think It'll be better for me to get home" Julian agrees with her words.
It is better for her to get home. Evangeline will be able to rest properly there, he thinks.
The more he thought about it, the more it made him angry about himself. His chest tightened at the memory of last night. He didn't even know her that well, not really. What had started as an act of goodwill from Evangeline spiraled into something much bigger – something neither of them couldn't take back. Julian knew that he had crossed an unforgivable boundary, not just a professor, but as an older male who should have known better than letting his desires run rampant in a drunken stupor.
He could remember bits and pieces of last night's events that led to their mistake. How Evangeline managed to enter the wrong Uber, how she quickly realizes how drunk he was. How she assisted him out of the car when they arrived at his apartment, and how she stayed with him the whole time even going as through all the trouble of taking him to his flat. She was acting out of the kindness of her heart, and Julian felt as if he had taken advantage of her.
"I'm sorry" he was taken out of his thoughts by the soft sound of her voice. Evangeline was dressed in her black dress again, the same dress that made lustful thoughts ran through his mind when the door to his flat opened.
Julian could hear the strain in her tone, the hurt she was trying hard to mask. She wasn't even blaming him, even when she should be. The weight of their situation was clearly crushing her as well. He hated himself even more that he had been the one to put that weight on her shoulders. It wasn't fair to her – any of it.
"Don't apologize to me, ever" he spoke firmly, raising a hand to grab her shoulders before stopping himself.
Evangeline doesn't seem sure of what to say again.
"What happens now? After this?" she asks, and Julian knew she was looking for him for guidance that he couldn't provide. Hell, he was asking himself the same damn question ever since he woke up before her.
What the hell do they do now? Pretend it never happened? Ignore the ugly truth that something had passed between them, something undeniable and dangerous? Julian's mind paced, searching for answers that doesn't feel right to him. None of them felt like they could fix what had already been broken.
"We move on?" Evangeline took the words out of his mouth. "Pretend this never happened?" she asked unsurely, her voice set to a quivering whisper.
"I think that's for the best," he managed to answer. Though, the words felt wrong spoken from his mouth. He knew it's the most rational thing they could ever do to fix a portion of the situation. It didn't make him any happier to do it, anyway. A part of him recoiled at the thought.
Forgetting wasn't an option for him – and he knew it certainly wasn't an option for the woman in front of him. But what other choice did they have? Exploring what they'd started would turn it into something more, something deeper and something that a part of him, the selfish part, desired for.
Julian finds Evangeline watching him, her eyes searching his face, looking for something – maybe reassurance, confidence, absolute resolution. But all he could ever offer her was the cold reality of their situation. "It has to be this way," he continued, his voice firm. "For both of us."
She nodded, but the movement on her was forced. He could see conflict cross her face, the battle of thoughts raging in her mind. She clearly didn't want this any more than he did. Last night, there had been something real between them – a connection that sparked and burned so brightly it had consumed them both. But now, in the day, it felt like a flame of a phoenix turned to ash.
"I'm not that kind of girl…I just don't want you to think that I go around and…" Julian felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He hated it even more that she felt the need to explain herself to him, to justify her actions. This wasn't her fault, and she wasn't to blame. He was the one who should have known better.
"Evangeline, I don't think that about you. I know that – " know that what? Other than teaching her during her freshman year, Julian doesn't really know anything else about her. Bits and pieces of things that he did know about her came from other professors who thinks Evangeline was a really bright student with a great future ahead of her.
How could Julian explain his thoughts about her without making it sound like nothing? Because he was certain it wasn't just nothing. The connection, their chemistry, the pull between them had been real for him. But that didn't make it right.
She looked up at him, and he was grateful to find her eyes filled with a mix of sadness and understanding. Somehow, even when he couldn't find the right words to say, she seemed to read through his thoughts. "I guess this is goodbye, then?" she asks, jabbing another strike to his chest.
"Yes, I think that's for the best." Julian steels his words. There was no going back after this. Both of them had a mutual understanding and no matter how hard it could be, they would try to move on with their lives and forget this had ever happened.
You crossed a harsh line, Julian. The rational part of him knew that moving forward – putting everything behind them – was the only solution. But the part of him that had wanted her last night, that had felt something real between them last night, rebelled against the idea. This wasn't just about one mistake, Julian was damn aware of that. It was more of everything that came with it. He inhaled sharply as he watches her by the main door of his flat. He tries to shake off the weight pressing on his chest, but the unease of his selfish alter ego lingered.
"Are you sure you don't want me to call an Uber?" it was the least he could do.
"No, but thank you, Julian…" her eyes lingered back on him for a second. "And goodbye."