Days start to blur together as Evangeline threw herself into her coursework, hoping the intensity of her third year in her nursing program would drown out the noise in her head. But no matter how hard she worked; something kept gnawing at the edges of her consciousness – something different that she couldn't ignore. It had already been more than a month since that night with Julian, but her body felt different, unfamiliar in a way that unsettled her deeply.
She hadn't seen Julian on any formal occasion since – he only taught first-years, and she was already in her third year. But somehow, they kept crossing paths. In hallways, during clinical rotations, even in the library. Each time, Evangeline would feel her heart race, her pulse beating against her throat. He never acknowledged her other than with a passing glance, always composed and focused. His stoic demeanor directed to her made Evangeline think that he had already moved on from their night of passion.
It was another chilly autumn day when she passed him in the halls just outside where their simulation labs were located. He was standing in front of first-year students as he instructed them on basic clinical skills. Evangeline's breath was caught, and she quickly rounded another corner in the corridor, avoiding eye contact. As she moved, however, a sudden wave of dizziness washed over her, and she had to steady herself against a railing on the side, gripping them with an intensity.
She feels her stomach churn and she swallowed hard, trying to push back her threatening nausea. It's just stress, Eve. Just stress.
"Eva! Are you okay?" Just when she was straightening herself back up, she looks up to find Louise and Isabel standing in front of her, both of them immediately fussing in an attempt to help her.
"Sorry" Evangeline muttered, blinking away the fog in her mind. She glanced back to make sure Julian hadn't heard them and luckily, his back was turned, his attention fully focused on his students.
Isabel raised an eyebrow. "Have you even been taking care of yourself? You look like you're about to faint anytime soon!" Louise had the same worried frown on her face as the two girls held both of her arms. Isabel was running soothing caresses down her back.
"I'm just really stressed about the clinical exams next week"
Isabel eyes her suspiciously. "Yeah, right. You've been saying that for a week" she pointed out. She seems to know Evangeline was hiding something important from them, something that was eating their friend out. But Evangeline just couldn't let them know. Just can't bring herself to tell them. To confess everything. Because that would mean opening the unsaid questions and words she was holding for Julian. As well as her own feelings.
"Can we just go?" though she knew that she shouldn't be mad at her friends, Evangeline was starting to feel annoyed at their constant admonition. A thought that was so uncharacteristic of her. Upon realizing, she immediately felt guilty for thinking about her friends in such a way.
.
.
.
The three of them reached a café near their building. Louise launched herself into a dramatic retelling of her anatomy lab mishaps, talking about her clumsy mistake that ended up breaking one of the mannequins they use for clinical practice. Isabel jumped with complaints about Luke being too busy studying to spend time with her. Evangaline occasionally joins the conversation, laughing at Louise's stories, and empathizing along with Isabel's whines, but her mind was elsewhere, like they usually are these past few weeks – her thoughts scattered as she absentmindedly sipped her coffee.
She jumps, placing the coffee back again on the table. It tasted awful. The bitter taste made her stomach flip. She puts the cup down, feeling queasy again, waves of nausea hitting her nose and throat. What's wrong with me?
Isabel must have noticed her discomfort because she suddenly leaned forward, her eyes sharp with inquisition and concern. "Eve, seriously, are you okay? You look really out of it"
Louise shot her with another skeptical look. "You've been acting weird for weeks now. Are you sure something's not up with you?" she inquired as she places her own cup down.
The words hit harder than they should have. A lump formed in Evangeline's throat. Her friends were getting too close, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep it all inside. Bearing the weight of her secrets was taking a toll on her. It was affecting her worse than she expected it to affect her. The anxiety and the burden of her mistake was really weighing her down, she feels another wave of dizziness washing over her and swallows it down.
"I'm just so tired, burnt out" she said, running a hand down her hair. "It's been a lot lately"
Isabel didn't seem to be convinced of her. "Eve, if there's something going on – whether it's school, family, a guy, whatever, you can talk to us. You don't have to carry it all on your own. You know that we're always here for you" she placed a warm hand on top of hers.
"Eve, we're your family, almost. You need to trust us more" Louise added and placed her own hand atop of theirs.
Evangeline opened her mouth to respond, but a sudden wave of nausea silenced her. She pressed a hand to her stomach, trying to breathe through it. Isabel frowned, her concern deepening.
"Are you sick?" Isabel asked gently. "You look pale."
Am I sick? It couldn't be. Evangeline, contrary to what her friends thought of her, she manages her health pretty well. Plus, there really were major exams coming next week. She couldn't allow herself the luxury of having a cold.
"No, I'm fine, I think" Evangeline forced a light-hearted laugh, trying to shake off the unease creeping up her spine. She was already nervous about a lot of things, and this sudden sickness only made it worse. She never thought she would ever get sick at such a crucial time. And she never gets sick during a time like this anyway.
The stress must be really getting to me, she thinks.
.
.
.
Evangeline comes home after a draining shift at the hospital. She lets herself into her apartment, the familiar darkness and silence greeting her as she closed the door behind her, hearing it lock itself automatically with a beep. She dropped her backpack by counter of her kitchen and leaned against the wall, feeling the weight of the day settle over her. She had early lectures today, and a shift at the hospital till midnight. The apartment was already dark, and somehow, the emptiness of it pressed in on her more than usual.
She has lived alone for three years now, ever since her mother and sister passed away. Her aunt, who worked overseas, send her money every month to help with her tuition, rent, and bills, but otherwise, she had no one here. No family, no real support beyond the occasional phone call with her aunt. It was just her. Most days, she was fine with that. She'd learned to live with the quiet, to find the comfort in her solitude. But tonight, as she stood in the dim light of her apartment, she felt the silence heavier than ever.
There was a strange hollowness inside her, a sensation she couldn't quite place. She pressed a hand to her stomach, feeling the faintest twinge of discomfort—something she'd been noticing more and more lately. There was a feeling in the back of her mind, a possibility that she didn't want to explore because there was just no damn way. She headed to the kitchen, brushing off the feeling and heads to make a quick dinner and get some rest.
As she opened the fridge, the familiar smell of leftover pasta hit her, and suddenly, her stomach churned. She pulled herself away, stepping back and covering her mouth as she gagged. The nausea hit her hard and fast, suddenly more intense than before. She shut the fridge door and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. What the hell's happening. She hadn't eaten anything unusual to her knowledge, and she normally loved pasta. But lately, it seemed like everything made her stomach turn. Coffee, too – she hadn't been able to stomach it for days, and it left her feeling more tired during the day. The thought of the bitter taste alone made her feel sick.
She shook her head, forcing the unsettling thoughts aside. You're just tired, Eve. That's all.
But as the days passed, the symptoms persisted. The nausea, the dizziness, the fatigue – it all lingered beneath her skin like an unwelcome shadow. Evangeline tried to power through it, pushing the discomfort down and telling herself it would pass. She avoided her friends as often as she could, not wanting them to witness how off she was feeling.
Though both Isabel and Louise weren't easily fooled.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Isabel asked, her eyes narrowing as she watched Evangeline in front of her. Louise and Isabel had her cornered in one of the lounge rooms in their building where they allow the students to rest, sleep, or even play on one of TVs. It was a room built to give the students a chance to de-stress, especially those in the medical programs who are always loaded with a ton of work.
"I'm fine" Evangeline replied, her own voice sounded unconvincing even to her. She sat down on one the couches, followed by Isabel and Louise who sat down in front of her. Only a small coffee table separating her from the two. "The clinical rotations are just killing me"
Louise, seated next to Isabel, raised a suspicious eyebrow. "You've really been saying that for weeks now, though. Are you sure it's just clinicals? You look kind of…pale."
Evangeline shifted in her seat, feeling the weight of their stares. She was pale. She'd noticed it in the mirror that morning, the dark circled under her eyes more pronounced than usual. And the fatigue – it was like nothing she'd ever experienced before. Even when she managed to get a full night's sleep, she still woke up feeling drained, like she hadn't rested at all.
"I'm fine" she insists, but knew both weren't buying it.
"Eve, come one" Isabel pressed, her voice softening and her eyes filled with concern. "We've known you for years. We can tell when something's up. Are you sure there's not something else going on?"
Evangeline's stomach churned again, but this time, it wasn't just nausea. It was the fear. The quiet, creeping fear that now crawls underneath her skin, seeping into her bones, and building inside her for days now. She hadn't let herself think about it, hadn't dared to entertain the possibility. She ignored all the signs, begging it to be a mistake. That they were just symptoms of sickness. But as they piled up, the thought had begun to take root in her mind.
She was late.
It had been weeks, and she hadn't thought much of it at first. Her cycle was irregular anyway, especially when she was stressed, so she hadn't paid it any attention. But now, with the nausea, the unusual exhaustion, and the aversion to food, she feels the pieces starting to fall into place.
But she couldn't say it out loud. She couldn't bear to give voice to the thought.
"I'm fine, really" Evangeline said, standing up abruptly. "I just need to - I need to use the restroom. I'll be back"
She hurried away from the table before either of her friends could say anything more, her heart pounding against her chest. Once inside the restroom, she leaned against the sink, gripping the edge as she stared at her reflection in the mirror.
Her face looked pale, drawn, her eyes wide with anxiety. She pressed a hand to her stomach, the subtle queasiness still lingering there. What if…
She shook her head, trying to push the impossible thought away. It was too soon to jump to conclusions. She didn't know for sure, and there were other explanations – stress, lack of sleep, maybe a virus. Though deep down, in the part of her that she didn't want to acknowledge, she knew something was wrong. Please, don't let it be that.
.
.
.
Later that evening, back in her apartment, Evangeline paced the small living room, her mind racing like a thousand miles. She had been avoiding the thought for days, but now it was all she could think about.
I can't be pregnant. I can't.
She didn't want to entertain the idea, but her body was telling her a different story. The nausea, the exhaustion, the missed period – it all fits perfectly. The realization was beginning to settle in, but she just wasn't ready to accept it.
Her phone buzzed on the coffee table, pulling her out of her thoughts. It was another message from her aunt, asking how she was doing, whether she needed more money. Evangeline glanced at the message but didn't reply. Evangeline glanced at the message but didn't reply. The weight of the situation was too much to bear, and she couldn't bring herself to talk to anyone right now.
She slumps down on the couch, staring blankly at the wall. What am I going to do? The question echoed in her mind, but there were no answers, just an overwhelming sense of panic. She was alone. Her mother was gone, her sister, and her brother and aunt lived countries away from her. Evangeline had no one to turn to, no one to lean on. And if she really was pregnant….
Her thoughts drifted back to Julian. He didn't even know. How could he? They hadn't spoken since that night, and every time she saw him on campus, he barely acknowledged her. To him, she knew it had been a one-time mistake, a lapse of judgement he never wants to repeat.
But for her, it was becoming something much more complicated. Something she was afraid she couldn't handle on her own.
She stood up, pacing again, her hands were trembling as she tried to calm herself. She needed to know. She needed to be certain, one way or the other. But the thought of taking a test, of confirming her worst fear, made her stomach turn all over again. Evangeline stopped in front of the bathroom door, her heart racing as she opened it ang gagged, making her way to vomit on the toilet.
I need to know.
The next morning, Evangeline forced herself out of her bed, her body heavy with exhaustion, The nausea hit her the moment she stood up, a now-familiar sensation that made her stomach flip. She glanced at the calendar on her phone, the empty square where her period should have been mocking her.
I have to know.
She grabbed her keys, her wallet and headed out the door, her mind swirling with uncertainty and fear as she made her way to the pharmacy.