Evangeline paced through the crowded building of their university like a striding ghost, her thoughts disconnected from the reality around her. She had thrown herself back in her routine, of clinicals, libraries, and hanging out with friends in a fit of relentless determination. Anything that would keep busy and prevent her from thinking about that night. From Julian. But it seems as if no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't escape him.
Somehow, they managed to keep crossing paths with each other ever since that night. He was always there, lingering on the edges of her consciousness. She'd see him at the end of a hallway, across the courtyard, or near the library – always composed and distant. They hadn't spoken since that night. And when they pass each other, they exchange polit nods, nothing more. It was as though nothing really happened between them. Like they hadn't crossed that forbidden line.
Evangeline was about to cross the street when she spotted him again. He stood on the other side of the street, just across from the university, and when the lights turned green, she held onto her tote bag tightly. The air seemed heavier with every step that she took, she felt her pulse rising despite the great effort it was taking to remain calm. Don't look, just keep walking, she hears her own voice berate her. But Evangeline couldn't help it – her eyes flickered up towards him, just before they passed each other, and for a few seconds she caught his gaze. She finds his expression unreadable, but his strides were confident as if nothing weighed on his mind. As if she was nothing. He nodded once when their gaze met, a curt and polite acknowledgement, and she replied with a fleeting smile that lasted a millisecond before she tore her eyes away from him.
By the time Evangeline reached her destination, her heart had settled a bit, but the knots of anxiety in her stomach hadn't disappeared. She sank into the familiar comfort of her seat, on the second floor of the establishment, to a tiny corner where barely anyone noticed her and pulled out her tablet. She knew she didn't have the time to waste to keep thinking about him. Midterms were coming and she felt as if she only spent time worrying and thinking about Julian.
Get it together, Eve.
Her phone buzzed, snapping her scattered thoughts back into place. It was a message from Isabel.
Isabel: Babes, are you at the café? I'm on my way with Luke.
Evangeline smiled despite herself. Isabel really had a way of showing her care. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep up with this pretense of 'I'm fine, don't worry'. Pretending that everything is alright is not her forte. She knew her friends had started noticing that she was quieter, more withdrawn, but she couldn't possibly tell them the truth when it involved someone else, someone who most likely wouldn't approve of her telling another. And Evangeline knew her friends wouldn't understand.
Still, a few minutes later when Isabel enters the café with Luke, Evangeline finds their presence to be a welcomed distraction from her thoughts.
"Hey, babe!" Isabel swiftly made her way down to the little corner where Evangeline spends most of her time before her exams. "You've been hiding here in your little corner spot again" she comments.
"I'm studying, we have a test tomorrow" At the mention of that Isabel rolls her eyes and she made her way to sit when Luke pulls out a chair for her. The sweet display of affection made Evangeline's own eyes roll.
"Forget about that for a second, I just have the hottest gossip about someone" Luke walks away from then just as Isabel starts one of her gossips.
"About what – and where is he going?" Evangeline asks.
"Getting us drinks – anyway you gotta hear me out!" Isabel throws her small shoulder bag on top of the table. Evangeline gives a small chuckle at the sight of it. It was a small bag that barely fit any of Isabel's things, but it was very characteristic of her.
"Hear this, Dr. Carl and Janette Miles are photographed kissing in Dr. Carl's car!" Isabel jumps up and down her seat in front of Evangeline who flinched at the loud excitement of her voice.
"What? Dr. Carl and Janette? Really?" Despite herself, Evangeline finds the news to be a surprise. Dr. Carl is infamous for being hot, and considerate to his students so this kind of news was really a shock to her.
"Apparently, they've been having an affair for months. You know Janette's like a president of this organization led by Dr. Carl, right? That's how the two have been able to get away with it, they were using the organization as an excuse to meet up around campus – to make it worse, one of the janitors saw them kissing in his office!" Isabel was grinning, her face alight with the thrill of talking about the lives of others.
Luke came back at the right moment, with a tray in his hands and three cups of coffee on top of it. Evangeline forced herself to laugh, yet there was unnamed feelings blooming inside her chest. She tries to laugh with Isabel, and if this were the past, she would be happily participating in the gossip, but this subject of a professor-student affair hit too close to home, stirring the feeling she was trying to bury.
As the conversation between the three carried on, Evangeline tried to focus, but her mind kept drifting back to Julian, and to the night she swore she'd forget. A secret that seemed to weigh heavier with each passing day. Isabel and Luke were flirting, and more gossip about other students, and their clinical professors in which she tries her best to present. She feels Isabel's eyes on her, glancing occasionally as they continue with their conversation, studying her a little too closely for her liking.
"By the way, how've you been doing, Eve?" Isabel finally asks, she places her cup of coffee down just as she finished taking a sip. Evangeline meets her gaze full of careful worry over her.
"I'm fine, just been tired from studying. Pscyh's been hard on me" she tries to cover her secrets and anxiety with a difference excuse.
"You've been extra MIA lately. I know you usually disappear when exams are near but something different feels up with you" as always, Isabel read her too well. Evangeline feels the tension in the air as Luke even stops scrolling on his phone to observe them. Her throat tightened, and for a second, she considered confessing to Isabel.
No. You can't, Eve. Her mind argues with her. Evangeline's heart skipped a beat as she gave out another excuse. "Nothing's up, at least, aside from me stressing about Pscyh"
"You sure?" Isabel frowns.
"I'm sure" Evangeline insists.
Isabel finally smiles and moves on to talk about another topic. This time, they were talking about how their studies were going, and the electives they were planning to take on their last semester of third year. For now, the conversation has shifted, and Evangeline allows herself to fade in the background, hoping her friends wouldn't pry any further. But the unease, the anxiety, remained, lurking just beneath the surface and waiting for the moment to reveal itself.
.
.
.
Julian saw her from a distance before she even noticed him. Evangeline Clarke. The name lingered like a feeling he couldn't shake off no matter what. She was walking with her hand clutching her bag tightly, her pace quick and hurried, and her head turned away as if she was trying to ignore the world. Ignore him. Julian keeps his own steps steady, each one measured, every bit of his attention focused on the professional distance he had forced upon himself since that night. His instincts screamed at him to look away, to focus on the lecture he was preparing in his head, but his gaze betrayed him. He watches her, and when she finally turns her forward, their eyes meet.
A brief glance, just a fraction of a second, but it was enough to stir the tension that had been lying dormant inside him for weeks now. Just when they were about to pass each other, she smiled at him, small and uncertain. It was an attempt at normalcy. His nod was just as brief, a silent understanding passing between them that neither would acknowledge what had transpired. They walked past each other, just like they always did now, pretending they had nothing else in connection with each other more than those of a professor and his student.
But as the distance grew between them, Julian couldn't help but feel the pull of unspoken words, the faint echoes of that night that he worked so hard to bury within himself. He knew he had to stay focused. He couldn't afford to let his thoughts wander – especially not now.
It was a mistake, Julian. You know that.
He hadn't allowed himself to pursue her. Evangeline was a student, someone whose life he could never entangle with his own. That was the rule. The boundary. And yet he lets himself wonder, during those nights of awakeness, and the moments where all he had on his mind was the night he shared with Evangeline. Did she feel the same weight of what had happened? Was she able to forget? Or was she like him, trapped in the lines of regret and memory?
No, he wouldn't let himself go there. He was Peter Julian Moore, a man of order and discipline. There was no room for confusion, no space for weakness.
Not now and not ever.