I entered my apartment building and hurried up the stairs with the prospect of a bath making me elated.
I ventured to my room but before I could enter I heard Anna from the living room calling : "Hey Cathy, rent is next week so you better pay on time"
I shricked : "you startled me Anna, what are you doing in the dark, open the curtains..."
"none of your business what I'm doing, just remember to pay your share on time, I don't want that old creep cornering me for rent"
I hesitated afraid of her reaction: "can't you pay for me share, I'll pay you back as soon as I get paid ..."
Anna glared: "for the millionth time, I am not your friend, I don't care about your little misfortumes, I'll need the money by Saturday". She concluded and turned around.
I entered my small room and heaved a long sigh. I was short on money because I stopped my last job abruptly when I was called to work at the company.
I worked as a waitress downtown and it paid well but they didn't give me my last paycheck because I had to stop without a two week notice.
But I was used to these hardships, I still had enough for my share of rent, but i would have to cut off meals until I got paid.
Anna's treatment wasn't anything new, that's just how she is.
We became roomates through an announcement I found on Campus. She is the dark aura type of person but living with her was bearable. I knew her affairs were shady, but she didn't involve me and that was enough.
I took a bath then started on my meeting notes. I wanted to prepare well, to be so much of help to him that he would keep me as an assistant, I didn't crave any position other than being near him.
I made a mental note to prepare everything in advance, including the instructions emailed to me by Linda.
I layed there on my bed swarmed with the memory of Darrius today, his voice , his jet black hair with some strands framing his face, his mesmerizing stormy blue eyes and his lean and muscular body.
Everything about him physically was near perfection, and his gentleman attitude with his seriousness were the cherry on top of the cake.
How could someone be so perfect?
Along with the instructions sent by Linda, I could paint a clear picture about him now, better than my days when I was drooling over him from afar.
Apparently, he liked his coffee to be ready before he entered the office, it was the first thing he had in the morning and he liked it black. He didn't have a whole meal for breakfast and usually has lunch around 11.30.
I continued to read through the email and somewhere along the lines, I drifted to a deep slumber where I dreamed of Darrius' blue eyes squinting with laughter and shining with love.
When the alarm started, I was up and about determined to make the most of this great luck that came over me.
Sure, I worked hard to work for him, but I'm sure I drained all the luck I have for the rest of my life by being his secretary/ assistant from day one.
I wore a pink blouse with long black pants, I braided my curly hair and was satisfied by the end result.
On the way to work, I made sure to buy black coffee for Darrius using the company's credit card and I bought some energy bars with my own money.
I had to eat something if I were to sustain myself through the day, I was scared I would pass out like last time from low blood sugar.
I arrived exactly half an hour before everyone else. I organized Darrius' desk with the documents for the day and his steaming coffee.
Before I left, a picture frame caught my attention, it was a picture of him and an older man who appeared to be his grandfather.
The Astor family is a very wealthy and mysterious family. Their enterprise had many branches, including banks and commercial centers. But not many information was available online about them, just a few pictures from events. I knew all of that because I did some research on Darrius's family, just to be utterly disappointed by the result.
All I knew was that they were wealthy and that D&R Financials was the product of Darrius's work with zero reliance to Astor Enterprise.
The old man in the picture, who was Darrius's grandfather and the chairman, looked formidable, he looked to be in his late sixties, nevertheless strong and healthy and somewhat scary. He had the same color as Darrius's eyes, though upon further inspection they were a shade lighter.
I was immersed with the picture as close to my eyes as it could get, that I didn't notice the door opening until a voice came right up behind me : "Are you done inspecting the picture?"
I jumped from fright and bumped my hand on the desk which made me buckle in pain. Darrius looked shocked and took my hand to see the damage.
The moment his hand touched my throbbing one, the pain miraculously vanished and I blushed from the tingles I felt.
He asked alarmingly : "are you okay? Does it hurt a lot?"
I managed to say breathlessly : "it's okay, I'm fine, I was just startled, I was organizing the files and saw the picture... I apologize"
I managed to stop my rambling and apologized, but a smile graced my eyes when I directly looked at him. He didn't look upset because I was snooping around or because I kept talking, he rather looked at me with amusement.
He didn't let go of my hand, but I think he was doing so unconsciously, whereas for me I was well aware of his big warm hand engulfing mine and I liked the feeling a little too much to snatch it away.
Soon enough and to my disappointment, he let go and moved to take his seat, so I hurried to stand on the opposite end of the desk.
"you may go now Cathy, I'll call you once I am ready to hear my appointments today"
I blushed again because he said my name and I answered before leaving : "Yes Mr. Darrius"
When will I ever get used to him?
Outside his office, my new desk arrived and I organized my papers and notes. Next to me was Linda's desk but she was in the process of moving out given that she was no longer needed by Darrius' office.
I looked around me and for the first time in a long time I felt truly content, I can take a breath now, I can cease to work so hard for something, stop my earnest search for my place in this world.
But these emotions were shortly lived unfortunately.
My work with Darrius went on smoothly, I was able to follow along with his schedules and because of my feelings towards him, I was able to detect even his smallest preferences.
Like the fact that he didn't like strong perfumes which I discovered when he would scowel whenever Linda was around with her rosy smell.
Or the fact that he liked to work in office during the afternoon, it felt like the time he was mostly able to concentrate on the work.
So I moved his schedules to either morning, lunch meetings or dinner meetings accordingly. I wore a less eccentric perfume, I included some cream to his coffee and I decorated the office with lilies.
All went great, until one afternoon a week after I started work. Linda came in with a paper and handed it to me : "these numbers are really important, I've written the names of each person so you must call them and let them know that you are the new assistant of Mr. Astor"
"who are these people and why do I need to let them know that I am the new assistant?"
She hastily replied : "because they keep calling me to hold meetings with the director. The first number is Miss Natasha's, she's Mr. Astor's girlfriend..."
A deafening sound blocked my ears and I bent down, I was sure to fall if I had been standing.
Linda's worried voice came next to me :"are you okay Cathy, what's wrong?"
"nothing, I'm sorry, I hadn't had my lunch yet that's why I'm a bit fatigued"
That was a partial truth. It is true that I had been cutting on my lunch to save money, but what shook me to the core was Linda's revelation.
I knew that such a dashing man cannot be celebate, but I had hoped against hope.
He was never on the magazines with scandals but I knew deep down that he might have private relationships.
It turned out that Natasha was his on and off partner as Linda explained when I appeared to be better.
"Ms. Natasha calls from time to time to schedule dinner meetings, I have no idea why would she contact the assistants instead of her alleged partner. Anyhow, you cannot book an appointment for her without asking Mr. Astor beforehand".
She made her way out then came back again : " before I forget, the other number is the Astor family butler, you must call both of them immediately, Ms. Natasha asked for a dinner date for tonight, confirm with the director first.
And the butler must be notified of your contact immediately in case he tried to reach out for Mr. Astor "
She hurried out again and I was in a whirlwind of thoughts, so much so that my brain felt like it would explode at any moment.
I decided to forget about the dinner date and call this butler first.
The phone rang for a moment and when it answered I cleared my identity to be met with a courteous answer and as quickly as the call started it ended.
I sat for a moment to govern over my emotions and then I walked to Darrius' office.
When he allowed me entrance I stood by the door and said in a cautious manner : " Mr. Darrius, Ms. Natasha has called to ask for a dinner appointment tonight. What should I do?"
I held my breath and prayed. I prayed that he would dismiss her and ask me never to talk to her again. But that didn't happen.
He looked pensive for a moment then answered indifferently :" make a reservation at a fancy hotel restaurant for 8"
I felt shattered. I stood for a minute too long and he looked up quizzically. I nodded and left the room.
Tears brimming in my eyes, I sat down and started making proper arrangements.
I was angry at myself for ever imagining anything other than the scenario unfolding right now.
What was I expecting? I am his assistant, of course I would have to face reality.
I kept repeating to myself :"I am nothing to him".
The prospect of being near him felt less appealing at that moment. Because in a way I thought that my closeness to him would only bring me happiness and I didn't calculate how it would feel to be on the sidelines.
I cursed the wretched dreams I had ever since I started working here. They're the ones messing up with my head. I loved him for almost three years now with zero regard to him reciprocating my feelings. But the dreams made me think of a future where I could be his lover.
Where I could mean to him as he meant to me.
Suddenly those feelings of being in love were not enough anymore and I wanted something more sinister... I wanted to be loved by him.
I reigned on those raging thoughts and I reprimanded myself never to think in this way ever again.
'I was here by his side and that was enough'
I kept repeating these words to make them come true...