I enter the royal temple. Stay like a nun. Did chanting and ate vegetarian meals throughout the stay. Sometime I watch the sky. Soon news came to me that concubine Han had miscarriage. She must be really upset. Of all the three concubines she is the sweetheart. She might be gossipy but she doesn't have a mean bone in her.
Throughout my stay in this temple, I have long conversations with a monk. He talks about life. He tells me to let go of the resentment towards my parents. Sometimes life takes a different direction for us.
Dingbat occasionally appear throughout my stay here. I don't know if should be happy or not. Sometimes he sits around with me to watch the moon together. Sometimes he says odd things like he miss me. I cannot understand nor explain myself to him that I am not who he thinks I am. Most of the time he hold my hand and we walk in silence. That is comfortable for me.
Four months come !nd go. I find myself still in the temple. I did not want to leave. Staying here without knowing what the outside world is doing makes me feel comfortable. The sixth month here, my father come. We stand in silence watching the sun set. "I hope whatever decisions you make in life. You will be happy. If you really think you should divorce Prince Xian. Go ahead. Our family can keep you alive."
"Thank you father. I will bring it up to him on a suitable occasion."
"Did you falling love with him?" I am surprised that he asked that. With my eyes open wide I said no.
On the ninth month, a messenger run hurrly into the temple while I am praying. He announced that a girl and a boy is born each to a concubine. I should return to the mansion for a celebration. I kneel and give my deep bow. My escape route is finally set.
When I arrived at the mansion, outside the later is hanging a huge character of joy. The servants are dashing around one noticed me till granny Li walk up to me and bow. I touch her arm and lift her gently. She smile with tears in her eyes. "It's time granny Li"
A few days later, royal physician came to check on the two children. There seems to be something wrong with the boy. Either he cry non stop or he sleeps for a long time. His mother concubine Zheng is getting crazy by the day. She screams when her son cry non stop. Since she is unbalance, the son was sent to the palace to be care under the crown Princess. While concubine Sheng's daughter is healthy stays in the mansion with the care of the wet nanny. She drink milk and sleep like other baby.
One day concubine Zheng snatch the baby girl from the wet nurse and run off like a mad woman. Everyone chase after her. She threatened to throw the baby on the ground if they don't return her son and she wants her husband too. After a long struggle, she accidentally slip and fell. I managed to catch the baby before she hit the hard ground. In the process I hurt my chin and arms. While concubine Zheng had hit her head, she bleed non stop still wanting her son. She die with her eyes open wide staring at me.
On the same day, the son she had borne had passes away too. He had complications on his lungs that has too much fluid. The royal physician couldn't do anything.
Two coffins are make for the mother and son. Just a few days, they are buried in the royal tomb. The royal household is in a slump with the two death. Again the successor for the next crown Prince is empty. The emperor pressure dingbat on this. The conclusion is to marry more woman.
Meanwhile the baby girl falls under my care. Granny Li help to take care of this little one. Dingbat returns from the palace with an upset face expression. "What is the name of your daughter? "
"I don't know yet. The royal astrologer haven't find the proper name."
"I will call her little peach, for now."
"Whatever. My wife tonight you have to sleep with me."
"Why? I have to..."
"My son had died. My father did not mourn for that child but asked his son, me to conceive another son. I won't want another woman to suffer. I already have made three women miserable. How can I marry again just to help the royal family to have a future emperor of our bloodline. If only my brother the crown Prince could conceive without a problem. All these wouldn't fall onto my lap. I can happy just stay married to you only. "
I want so much to listen and understand this man who is suffering. How can I know if he is saying the truth. Will he lie just to make me stay under his thumb.
That night I felt his anger and frustration. His kisses aren't tender as he used to be. They are just a rush just a force. He ended faster than he usually do. Right after he is done, he roll on his back to the side and sleep. He don't even use the blanket to cover like before. Making love had taken a toll to him. It become a chore for him to make a child. It's not a joy. I kissed his back gently and hug him from behind. Suddenly I felt like I need to protect this man. Protect what he wanted and maybe return his love for my sister that he loved. I wish I can do more for him.
Every night we sleep together. Everyday I learn to put up with his frustration. Everyday I see the kindness behind his mean face. Every morning we wakeup together before the dawn to start our day together. I think everyday I learn to like him little more.