The next day the household was gossiping away. They change the bed sheet that is stain with blood. I am not able to walk while he is bleeding from his wounds again. I am is in extreme bad mood and had my bedroom moved to another room. At night i can't sleep. I keep granny Li with me in the same room. A few days later i heard that he is well enough and have gone back to camp. The moment i hear that i feel relive and happy. However happiness is short lived, he return with a healthy body.
I try to avoid him as much as i can. To the extend that i go over to the Su mansion to hide. Of course my father had let him in. Every time this happens, i am not sure what am i thinking. I want him to stop yet this strange feeling takes over me. I want him to stop but yet i don't want him to go away when he is done. I always end up feeling like a wanton.
A week staying in Su mansion did not work as what i hope for. My mother advised me to move back into to Xian mansion. Reluctantly, i enter the dungeon again. As my angry grows, the more food i eat. He is rather amused to see me that good appetite. He even buy more sweet snacks from the shops to feed me.
The weather had change too. I begin to perspire more than usual. I end up wearing less than what i usual wear. Laying down on the couch reading the latest novel. I hear feel foot steps approaching. "Madame you better put on more clothes. His Highness have return home."
I ignore her and continue what i am reading. Usually he will go straight to the library and pick up a book. Today he came to the pavilion that i am staying at. He sit at the edge of my couch. Touch my back. I feel that he have something to say however he remain quiet. His finger keep running up and down my spine which is so uncomfortable. Finally i can't take it, i turn around and look at him. " Stop doing that, what is it? Do you have something to say?"
"This morning at court, i received an order to bring my men to the south border. It will be another six months to one year." Suddenly, i feel sense of joy. He will be leaving me alone for awhile. In his serious tone, He hold my hand. "Come with me to the border. I will protect you." Withdrawing my hand I look into his eye "No. I won't go. It's not because i can't withstand any suffering or without all the comfortable status. I don't want to be a stumbling block when there is a danger to you and your troops. I cannot be a useful person at the border but i will be useful at this capital." He grab my hands again and this time he hold them tight while looking at them, he said softy. "I know you all my life but sometimes i cannot understand you. Why do you dislike me yet i think you actually like me." i take back my hands and he look at me again. "Can you show me how much you like me before i go away that long?" My eyes open wide and try to get off the couch. Using his weight he pin me down. "If there is another life waiting for us, i would like to meet you again. Whether you are healthy to not, your soul is the most brightest I've ever seen." In my mind i wanted to say that the person you like had passed away. The person with you now is just a mirror person. Who he miss and loved is my sister Su Shung Yu. "Are you touched with what i said? You have tears in your eyes, my wife." Instead of wiping the tear with his hand, he kiss my eyes. It makes me upset more. He hug me on the couch. Later he carry me to the bedroom. We did not leave the room for awhile till dinner is serve.
He left after two weeks. Just like that day of our wedding, he left with his back facing me. This time, an odd feeling runs all over me. This time i don't know what am i suppose to feel. Is this how a married woman should be? After my sister's death, i seems to be nicer to him. I no longer wish to run away but the ideal of divorce is still lingering in my mind. Soon will be the mooncake festival. He will be on the other side watching the same moon as i am.
The day before the mooncake festival, an invitation card is sent to the mansion. It is from consort Liu, one of the many consort but she is the favourite one. She is the one that the emperor allows many indulgence. I turn up in her palace along with many other noble ladies. I did not speak much but just enjoy the cakes and tea while watching the moon. While eat and drinking makes me want to go to lavatory. With my maid, we walk pass the garden. "madame your hairpin is not secure. I pick it up on the ground."I lower my head and allow her to stick it back into my hair bun. We continue to walk and later return to the banquet. However the atmosphere was rather strange.
"Madame Su, wife of Prince Xian. I did not expect you to be this, unethical." She said it while sitting on her high chair. I stand near the door before stepping to my table. I stand and look at her. Everyone is staring at me too. I look at my maid. She is puzzle by the unfold happening. "Consort Liu, what do you mean? I just went to the lavatory..."
"Im not referring to that." She raise her hand and a maid help her off her seat. She slowly walk towards me. Suddenly when she is near, she pull off the hairpin. In shock, i look at her. "How are you to pick up my hairpin and just simply pass off as your's! Don't you know that my jewellery is all given to me by the emperor! I did not know that Prince Xian had married an unclean hands!"
"That is mine. I did not steal. I don't even..."
"How you did it, i don't care. All i know is that you dare to steal but don't dare to knowledge that. I will report to the emperor about this. Duke Su have such a daughter! What s shame! tsk tsk tsk!" She walk away with my hairpin. I am fuming mad with that accusation. Following her, i walk faster and snatch back my hairpin. Her big round eyes look at me with horror. "How dare you! Guards! Drag her out! Give her twenty flogging! Hold her maid and bring her there to watch it! When your master is not clean this is what happens!"
"Consort Liu, she is the daughter of ..."
"I don't care who she is! She dare to offend the emperor! I have the rights to punish those fools!"
As i struggle, the hairpin drop from my hands and she pick it up. "Out now!" I was forcefully drag out with my maid crying in the background. The guards have me tie to the wooden log. They start to hit my buttocks. It is so painfully. i try not to scream but i feel so weak all the sudden. My eyes turn blurry, the last thing is see is that my maid kneeing and struggling to get off the guards who are holding her. She is screaming for me.