That evening, we all sit down to have dinner. General Tang left with some of the men. We eat in silence. Without a word. I feel that i almost can hear the sound of the fly around me. Duke Su would occasionally take a peek at me and look away. While my mother would just keep chewing and stare at her rice bowl. Dingbat will just eat as per normal. One thing good about him is that he doesn't like to waste food. He will gobble down what is given to him. Even thought sometimes it is too salty or sweet. He will inform the maid to tell the chef to adjust the next round.
After dinner, Duke Su and dingbat actually take a walk in the garden. While with my mother, we sit at the pavilion and enjoy the hot tea. "When Shung Yu is old enough to join us to sit here, i always wonder how you are doing. Are you alike Shung Yu in character? How do you look like? Is it how people say, the person in the mirror comes into reality. If both of you are here together, can we tell the difference of both you girls? Now there is only you. "
She takes a slip of the tea. "If you ask me why i ask to keep you alive. I will still say that you are my flesh and blood. I carry both of you nine months in my belly. I have suffer so much to bring both of you out this world. I cannot see why i can't keep both my girls alive. Your father never say that he have to follow the soothsayers but he was pressure by the traditions and the fear that our clan will be exterminated. Shung Yun, i hope you will understand. What you have missed out in your early years, i hope to make it up to you."
"You will continue to see me as Shung Yu, am i right? After all she and i are the same person."
"No no. She and you are different person. Your personality and her are totally different. It's like one of you is the sun and the other is the moon."
"When the servants came to pick me up, i was happy that i do have a family. I wasn't abandoned at all. However when i learned why am i taken back was a disappointment. Since now i have hear your story i will try to understand. However i can't accept everything over night."
She smile and hold my hand. I can't smile but i look directly into her eyes. They are fill with tears that are about to flood her face again.
That night i sit at the vanity table to comb my hair. In the mirror i look, it seems like i am look at my sister. I have taken her life, her identity and her husband. With her death, i am completely Su Shung Yu. In the eyes of the public, i am Su Shung Yu. My former self have vanished. My love and my old life is gone as well. Cheung'er must have gotten a new love by now. He probably sitting under a tree with the woman who loves him but i can't love this man who was supposed to be my brother in law. I still have to find away to get him divorce me.
"Dreaming again?" From the mirror i see dingbat standing there looking at me.I sight and continue to comb my hair. "What time are you leaving? It very late now"
He walk to the screen and remove his belt. I turn around. "Why are you removing your clothes?" He smile and remove more from behind the screen. He continue to look at me as he removes his outer clothes and i turn back looking at the mirror.
"Your father and my father is eager to have grandson, so i have to do something about it."
"Go somewhere else to save your problem. Besides that this is my maiden moon before i get married. I sleep alone in that small bed. The room is not big enough for both of us..."
"You have plenty of excuses. I would like to think that my little wife is rather smart. However your smartness is always place at the wrong place and the wrong time. Father says that you have a bad temper after you get well. I want to believe that but I hope that my little wife will tell me the truth one day."He place his hand on my shoulders and lower he face to mine. looking into the mirror, he smile "I think the other you is inside the mirror. The one i know, the one i met so many years ago. The one with those skinny frail legs who can't walk well. The person here is a new person that i don't know but i want to know her. I want to keep her around. I want to have a family with her. Can i?"
That night i kick him out of the room. I am frustrated with what he said. I cannot go on this show for long. I want to regain my freedom. I want to live as me.