My mind was all over the place for the whole afternoon since the lunch break because of what happened with Donsu. I knew I impulsively got involved in the heat of the moment as it reminded me of what used to happen to me, but it also became immediately apparent that the person I was mad at was neither Hechan nor Donsu, but myself. Hearing Donsu admit defeat and let go of his own human dignity in fear just reminded me of who I was before.
Did I also look like someone less than human and not worth helping? Did I look that way to others around me too? Did anybody ever think about helping me then saw that I had no balls to stand up for myself, so they just went 'Why should I stand up for a guy who doesn't even respect himself?'.
I had let myself down. Of course, I was bullied into doing that. But could I have put up at least some form of a fight instead of just being frightened all the time? I had 'the courage' to jump, to end my own life. Why couldn't I use that courage to fight back? If I was gonna kill myself anyway, why didn't I even think about enacting some sort of revenge in exchange for my life, which I was gonna throw away anyway? If I did that, at least that way my death wouldn't have been for nothing.
Yet I survived and I was back to where it all began, but as Jenn.
I wanted nothing more than to just live a whole new life without thinking about the past. I was looking forward to finding out what I, as Jenn, am capable of doing, and maybe someday even improve these abilities to be able to say they are really mine. But then -
"Jenn, did you hear what I say?"
My train of thought abruptly came to a halt as the math teacher asked me with a stern look on his face.
"Sorry, sir. I didn't quite catch that"
When I looked around I realized the class was finished already.
"Please go visit the teacher's office now. Your homeroom teacher wants to talk to you. Do you need someone to show the way?"
"I will do it"
Ever so helpful Ajin volunteered.
As we made our way to the teacher's office on the administration floor Ajin was giving me an earful about how I should have listened to her and don't get involved with Hechan and his bullying. I just shrugged it off as a habitual nagging from a class rep and nodded my way through her mini lecture.
"Oh, you brought her here Ajin, thank you. Jenn, please have a seat there"
Our homeroom teacher saw us entering his office and waved us to a small tea table near his desk where…. Donsu was sitting?
"Ajin, you sit with us as well. We will talk things through together"
"Yes, sir"
Ajin didn't seem surprised at all and gave me a look that said 'I told you so'.
"So, Jenn. Unfortunately, I have received some complaints and thought we should straighten this out before it evolves into anything concerning", the homeroom teacher opened the talk.
"Complaints?"
"Donsu here tells me that you were insulting him during lunch break, calling him names in front of everyone"
"What?!"
"Is that true, Jenn?"
That really stumped me.
Yes, I did call him a pig and how was I supposed to defend myself? Just say that 'other guys were calling him a pig too'?
I looked at Donsu in confusion but he cast his eyes downward and wasn't saying anything.
"Sir, I was there and I can say it was just a joke gone bad", Ajin butted in to try to help me.
":Sigh: I'm sure it was. It's only your second day at school here, Jenn. I don't expect that you'd have any real problem with Donsu already to mean it seriously. But please understand that even a little joke can make the person receiving it uncomfortable if it's done in front of many other people"
"Yes, sir…"
"So what do you say?"
"I'm sorry, sir"
"No, you don't need to apologize to me. Please apologize to Donsu and say you won't be doing that again"
I took a deep breath. This was annoying as fuck. Donsu probably got bullied into reporting me to the teacher, and Hechan knew there really wasn't a credible way for me to defend myself in this situation - that bastard.
"I'm sorry, Donsu"
Donsu just sat there quietly.
"Is it okay now?", the teacher asked Donsu and he just nodded his head in response.
"Right. I'm glad that got settled quickly. Please be good classmates to each other and let's not have these kinda things happen again, right?"
"Yes, sir"
"You may return to the classroom for your next lesson now"
We all got up, bowed our heads to the teacher, and walked out of the room.
Once we were all out, I was trying to confront Donsu but he was walking away quickly.
"Hey!", I shouted to try to stop him, but he started to dash away.
"Hey! Stop there for a second!"
He did not look back though and Ajin just put her hand on my shoulder with an expression on her face that said I should just let it go.