"Come on, Elias, I know you love that prince-princess, white-horse BS. You have Frozen merch. You probably bought it while giving the cashier an overly detailed explanation about how it's for your niece or the daughter of a friend, yada yada yada. And besides, stop distracting me. We were talking about Raphael Morgan, your very hot ex. You've been single for, I dunno, what, six years? It's actually getting concerning now. It's like you've got cobwebs down there, man. I bet the Vegan Teacher is getting more action than you-"
"Do I even need to know who that is? Of course I don't," Elias sighed. He didn't even need to blink to counter the earlier accusation. He didn't have cobwebs anywhere, thank you very much. "At least it's not STDs, like a certain someone."
Park gasped aloud, almost scandalized, clutching imaginary pearls like some shocked Victorian lady. He pouted. "Hey! I take precautions! I'm not stupid, okay? Well... mostly."
"I pity your urologist. Truly. Poor Dr. Patel. That poor man has seen some things. Every time I happen to meet his eyes in a hallway or something—that man is dead inside."
Park burst into hearty laughter, almost doubling over as he clutched his stomach. A single tear leaked from his eyes as he cackled. It took him a few moments to regain his breath, and when he finally spoke, his voice was raspy from laughing, with tears still glistening in his eyes.
"I think, and I could be wrong, but I think he's contemplating his life decisions. Every time I go in for a check-up, he just goes through the motions like an automaton. I'm pretty sure he tried to hit me with a clipboard once. And he's so... stiff, like one of those robotic dolls with pre-recorded responses."
That wasn't even the worst part of his dear friend's shenanigans. Elias ran a tired hand through his hair. "And for God's sake, I don't know why people think I have some sort of leash over you just because you are, self-proclaimed by you, my 'best friend.' They keep asking me to keep you in check. But seriously, stop hitting on Dr. Patel! You're torturing the poor guy enough as it is!"
Park pouted, leaning back in the chair, arms folded, looking every bit like a petulant child. He huffed, "Hey! It's not my fault the man is unfairly attractive, okay? Did you see that jawline? And his eyes? Dude, it should be a crime to look that good. And it's not my fault I have a thing for older guys, blame my daddy issues. He's a caring, nice man, and also very cute, but in a hot way. Have you seen those arms? The man could probably tie me up with just a few pieces of gauze-"
Park ranted on, getting a little carried away, as his mind wandered in the entirely wrong direction. He was totally oblivious to the vein that was starting to throb on Elias' forehead. Fortunately, he noticed it just in time and very wisely changed the topic.
"Anyway, enough about me. What's the deal with Raphael?"
Elias rolled his eyes. "Hm? There's nothing there, obviously. I'm his doctor, he's my patient. We're being civil about it. He's a little flirty, but that's just how he is."
Park raised an eyebrow, utterly unconvinced. There was something in his expression and tone that said he wasn't buying Elias' words. "He's a little flirty, huh? I call bullshit. You and I both know how that man is when he gets 'a little' flirty. Delulu, that's what you are."
He continued, with a teasing smile, "And, well... a little birdie—who may or may not be an intern—told me you made lunch for him because the man was whining about our cafeteria's signature peas and broccoli sandwich."
"...Oh, come on, you know those things are disgusting-"
"Yeah, I'll give you that. Whoever came up with those monstrosities should be shot. But I also know, for a fact, that you don't give a damn about what other people eat. When it comes to Mr. Morgan, though... well." Park trailed off, smirking knowingly, "You made him lunch. And breakfast. Don't try to deny it; the interns were gossiping about it because you gave one of them the box to deliver it. You really thought those little shits wouldn't gossip? And I know for a fact that you can't cook. Don't think I didn't notice the plaster on your wrist, either. Your clumsy ass probably burned yourself or something."
...Honestly, Elias was just impressed. Was this gremlin a psychic?