"To be honest, I'm not sure," Tonks replied with a sigh. "The first few days with his relatives, there didn't seem to be any movement at all in his room." She paused as though considering how to continue. "Then one day he's moving about like everything is normal. He does close his shades quite a bit though, which makes it harder to tell what he's up to. Makes me wonder if he knows we're watching him."
"I'm sure he knows. After last summer how could he not know?" Lupin asked sourly.
Tonks continued on as if he hadn't said anything. "Several days ago he started running and working out in the mornings. I always get stuck with that shift, so I have to run with him in my invisibility cloak, which is not an easy task mind you." Tonks paused again to think over her words carefully. "It's strange, really. He seems like he's ok. I'm worried that he might just be suppressing everything and not really confronting his feelings, maybe even pretending that he's not really dead."
Harry felt his chest constrict. Ever since his godfather had begun visiting his dreams, he had not really thought about the fact that Sirius was still dead. He was responsible for Sirius' death, and lots of people were suffering as a result. He resolved to write to Remus as soon as he returned to Privet Drive.
Harry stumbled away from the bar and out of the pub, his hunger long forgotten. He wandered the streets aimlessly for several minutes, jostled constantly by the stream of shoppers now pouring out of shops and heading every which way to their new destinations. His desire to shop had also left him, so Harry stepped off to the side of the street to avoid the hustle and bustle of the crowd. He soundlessly disappeared from Diagon Alley and rematerialized in his room at Number 4 Privet Drive.
After spending several minutes staring unseeingly at a blank piece of parchment on his desk, Harry realized his restless mind would be unable to concentrate on anything at the moment. He needed something to help clear his mind and settle his nerves. The way he saw it, he was left with two options: owl or panther.
He apparated to the outskirts of Hogsmeade again and quickly took to the sky in his owl form. The sun was bright in the virtually cloudless sky. Harry quickly located the railway that the Hogwarts Express uses to transport the students to and from school.
He followed the tracks for several miles until he found what he was looking for. He was surrounded by open fields, green grass everywhere he looked. There was not a human being in sight. He angled himself into a dive and pulled up at the last possible second so that he was flying swiftly, level with the ground only a few feet below. He made the transition into panther straight from his owl form and didn't miss a stride as he galloped through the green fields.
The world was Harry's playground. He ran every which way, chasing everything and nothing. He left the path of the Hogwarts Express and traveled through the countryside not caring which direction he headed nor where he would end up.
After over an hour, Harry found a nice large oak tree and plopped down in the shade panting from exhaustion. He found himself compelled to hunt as his earlier hunger seemed to have caught up with him. His animal instincts longed for him to catch at least a small animal to feed on; his human self, meanwhile, was sickened at the thought of eating raw meat straight off an animal's corpse.
Tired of arguing with himself, Harry reverted back to human form and apparated to the Dursleys'. He ducked out of his room to the kitchen to get some food. As he walked through the hall he glanced through the open door and jumped, startled momentarily by the image that greeted him in the mirror of the bathroom. A blond haired boy with brown eyes reflected back to him.
"I can't believe I forgot to change myself back" Harry quietly chastised himself. "If the Dursleys saw me like this, they would freak." He slipped into the bathroom and shut the door. After taking the color off his hair, Harry removed the brown contact lenses and placed his glasses back on. He thought he rather liked his hair long, but he wouldn't be able to explain the sudden increase in length to any muggles, so he decided he would have to let it grow the natural way.
Now that Harry thought about it, though, his hair didn't ever grow. He hadn't had a haircut since before he started attending Hogwarts when his aunt had shaved the hair off his head save for the fringe to cover his scar. The next morning his hair had all grown back to its usual length, and she had never tried to cut his hair again.
Harry focused hard on his hair and felt his magic flowing atop his scalp. He willed the hair to become shorter and shorter, then longer again. It worked. He had control over the length of his hair. He decided to leave it slightly longer than it normally was for now, and he would just increase the length a little bit every day until he was happy with it.
Harry looked at himself in the mirror again. He debated whether or not he should keep the glasses or switch to his clear contacts, but he decided that he didn't want to have to explain them to anybody yet. He would wait until he left the Dursleys before he switched to contacts for good. Satisfied with his appearance, Harry left the bathroom and resumed his trek to the kitchen.
After scarfing down a quick lunch, Harry returned to his bedroom and sat at his desk. He found the blank piece of parchment he had left lying there earlier and his quill and ink. He dipped the quill into the ink bottle and began to write.
Dear Professor Lupin,
Hi. I realized today that I have never written to you before, and for that I am sorry. During my third year with you teaching at Hogwarts, I felt close to you and closer to my parents by extension. I had never met a friend of theirs before. You were there for me when I needed you, and I can never thank you enough.
When Sirius came along, I lost sight of the bond we had formed. He represented a chance for a different, better life, and he was yet another connection to my parents. But now he is gone. I'm so sorry. I've spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and feeling guilty for what happened. I know Sirius' death doesn't really lie on my hands, but I cannot help feeling responsible. I'm not arrogant enough to try to take all the blame; I know there is plenty to go around. But I still feel like I have my own share to carry.
I spent all that time thinking only of myself without ever thinking about how his death had affected anyone else. What I'd most like to say to you is that I'm sorry that you lost your best friend, and I'm sorry for the hand that I played in everything that happened. I can't imagine how you must feel, having already lost him once, but I want you to know that you don't have to go through it alone. If you feel up to it, I'd like to talk to you about everything: Sirius, my parents, your time at Hogwarts, life in general, or whatever else might come up.
I don't think it would be a good idea to meet at the Dursleys' since they hate everything magical, especially magical people. They've been tolerable so far this summer, but I don't think they would take too kindly to a wizard visitor. There is a park nearby where we could talk. If you would like to meet, let me know when to meet you. My calendar is pretty open right now since I'm stuck here with nothing to do all summer, so whenever works for you would be fine. I look forward to hearing from you.
Take care,
Harry
He read through the letter once and smiled inwardly. He really hoped this would help cheer his old professor up. The man had looked awful in the pub today, and Harry hoped he could do something to lift his spirits. He couldn't believe that Professor Lupin thought that Harry wouldn't want to talk to him. Harry rolled up the parchment and tied it to Hedwig's leg asking her to deliver it to him right away.
His owl gave him a hoot to acknowledge his request before taking off out of his bedroom window. With that taken care of and his nerves finally settled, Harry took out his new trunk and enlarged it. He retrieved one of his new Defense Against the Dark Arts books and began reading.
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