"I'm okay," Remus made to interrupt but Harry held up his hand and continued. "Really. The first few days back here I was a wreck. I didn't eat, didn't sleep, didn't really move much at all. I spent all day and night lying in bed staring at nothing at all. But then I decided that brooding all day long wouldn't solve anything and that Sirius wouldn't want me to be taking it so hard. So I decided to do something with myself. Ever since then I've been doing a lot of studying, and I recently started jogging and working out in the morning. I'm finished with all the summer homework that was assigned for the classes I'm planning on taking next term. I've just been going through all my old text books picking up anything I might have missed."
"Sounds like you've been keeping pretty busy," Lupin commented.
"Yeah, you could say that. I just needed to do something. I'm sick of being left here cooped up in my room all day, so I started studying. That left me feeling restless, so I began training physically as well. That night made me realize dueling is as much physical as it is magical. I'll need all the edge I can get next time, so while I can't practice with my wand here, the physical training will have to suffice." Harry hated lying about the magical training he had been doing, but he just couldn't risk telling anybody. Not yet, anyway.
"That's very insightful, Harry," his old professor encouraged. "You may be onto something there."
"I'm thinking about incorporating some physical training in the DA this year as well," Harry continued. "I'm not sure how I'll fit it in, but I think it's important. I need to start planning what I'm going to be teaching and how it will work so I can present it to Professor Dumbledore. I've got to go over some things with Hermione as well. She was the real brains behind it last year."
"You're going to keep teaching the DA?" Remus inquired. "Even with Umbridge gone?"
"Yeah. Even if they manage to find a good teacher, they'll still need all the training they can get, especially with the lack of consistent teaching over the years. In five years there, I've only had three acceptable teachers, and two of them tried to kill me. I already asked for permission to run it as a school club with me as the leader and was granted it. Only the details need to be worked out now, and we've got all summer for that," Harry explained.
"Indeed," Remus replied with a thoughtful expression. "I think it's great that you've found all this stuff to keep yourself busy with, but I'm worried about you, Harry. It does not do to dwell on things you cannot change, but it is perhaps worse to ignore them or pretend that they never happened. I'm worried you might be doing that here."
Harry sighed. "I know what you're talking about Professor, but…"
"Harry," Remus interrupted, "it's been several years since I've been your professor. Please just call me Remus."
"Alright… Remus," Harry tested the name. "That's gonna take some getting used to. I will admit keeping busy does help me take my mind off of S-Sirius" Harry stumbled over his godfather's name. "I know that he's dead and that nothing will ever change that. And I'm sorry I cost you your best friend."
"Don't say that Harry," Remus soothed, putting a hand on the young man's shoulder. "Don't ever even think that. It wasn't your fault. Any one of us would have done the same thing in your shoes."
"Not Hermione," Harry dead panned. "She knew how foolish I was being and tried to talk me out of it. She warned me that I had a 'saving people thing,' but I wouldn't listen. Then she came along anyway and got hurt because of me."
"Hermione is…" Remus took a moment to choose his words carefully. "Hermione is the type of person to analyze a problem from all angles before attempting a solution. Sometimes that's what you need in a situation, but other times you need quick, decisive action. Hermione would be left at a disadvantage there because she would refuse to act on her own without all of the information. If Sirius really had been taken and Hermione had been left to decide the course of action, you never would have left Hogwarts in time to make any difference. You may not have made it out of Hogwarts at all."
Remus continued "In this case that would have been the best course of action but only because Sirius was not in any danger. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. Next time it could be your quick action that saves lives versus Hermione's less risky, analytical ways. As you grow older and more experienced, you'll learn to tell which type of action fits each situation better, but nobody is infallible."
"Right," Harry replied with forced confidence. He then asked "What about you? How have you been doing?"
Remus let out a long breath before admitting "Not so good. It was hard losing my friends the first time around. James, Lily, and Peter dead with Sirius their betrayer. When I got Sirius back a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders, but now I've lost him again. And I know that I'll never get any of them back ever again. It will only get worse when the next full moon hits. Having Padfoot there helped calm the wolf down."
"Could I help?" Harry blurted out before he realized what he was saying.
"What do you mean?" Remus questioned, studying Harry carefully.
Harry had to think fast. 'How could I be so stupid?' he berated himself. "Do you promise not to tell anyone?"
"Sure Harry, if that's what you'd like," Remus responded.
"Not even Dumbledore?" Harry shot back.
Remus gazed at Harry penetratingly. "What's this about Harry?"
"Only after you promise," Harry replied seriously.
"Okay," Remus sighed. "I promise I won't tell a soul. Now don't make me regret this."
"I've been practicing to become an animagus," Harry said quietly.
"What? When? How?" Remus spluttered.
"Sirius…" Harry slowly explained. "He got me started over the Christmas holidays. He gave me the potion and told me everything I would need to know. He even told me a couple books he and my dad had used at Hogwarts that might help," Harry fabricated, impressed with his ability to make this up on the fly.
"How come he never mentioned anything?" Remus asked. "Or you for that matter?"
"We wanted to keep it a secret, something just between the two of us," Harry made up. "He didn't think many people would approve."
"I see," Remus paused taking in this new information. "So what's your form then?"
....
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