what do you do for a living-unknown, I could tell Unknown I'm a businesswoman, I could tell him I'm a lawyer or a vet. I could make up this huge fat lie and pretend to be someone else behind a screen, or I could grow the balls I never had and tell him the truth. I've been staring at the text for a while, maybe a couple of hours, I could tell him something witty too, but for some odd reason, I can't type out the lie, which leaves the truth. I'm a whore, who seduces men earning their trust to steal from them.
But I can't tell him that, what will he think of me? I don't even know what I think of myself. "Still moping over that weirdo? you know he could be a catfish, right? I mean you haven't even seen his face" Liv comments, I chuck the TV remote at her, which she barely misses, and she flips me the bird. Roxy comes down the stairs, along with Cassie, with a geek bar vape in her hands when she sees me eying it she passes it to me. "you know" Cassie pipes up, "a waitress at the cafe quits and the job is open you make good tips" Cassie knows I've been wanting a real job for awhile now my ears perk at the opportunity Livs sighs she doesn't understand why I hate our job, but then again Liv's been on the streets since 13 she's done what she can to survive we all have, "or you could be a stripper, clubs are always hiring" Roxy suggests I'm not tall enough, or plus it's basically the same job I have now expect legal
"Will you put a good word in about me?" I ask, Cass smiles "Of course" I knew she would I didn't even have to ask, Cassie is just like that. I turn off my phone, telling myself I'll answer him tonight, I can't make hasty decisions, especially with someone like him, he's so different, like za-woah wait let's not go there. I get off the couch and, tell the girls we should have a girl's day, "Shopping" roxy exclaims running up the stairs, shouting to be ready in an hour. Cassie laughs "Set a timer or you'll be in there all day getting ready"
Cassie wasn't wrong...
Roxanne ascended down the stairs in 2 hours, and our patience was already stretched thin. She does an awkward laugh "Sorry guys" "Yeah yeah get in the car bitch" I say laughing, we head to Westfield Century City mall which is near us, and Roxy is dragging us everywhere which I don't mind it gives me a distraction "Oh my god those heels and that dress, compliment your eyes so well you need that" she says putting it in my basket, Cassie excused herself to hit her vape in the bathroom getting away from all the people, and Liv got lost in the heels section which is a couple of sections down admiring herself in the long mirror.
Everything looks better in stores, the bright lights the cute mirrors, the rich girls, and the laughter it feels like an escape from reality I wonder if this is Roxy's escape. and I'm-no this is life suck it up.
2 hours later, after many bags, and trips to Hot Topic Victoria Secret, and a hundred other little stores that I didn't know existed, Roxy declares she's tired and we all let out a sigh of relief which she smacks are arms for. We stay inside and get drunk on wine and stay up until things spill out that we are not supposed to say.
"I like to be watched that's why I'm a stripper" We each listen in and out, hearing each other out, I think that's what best friends are supposed to do, I wonder if we could do this sober. "I use sex, as a feeling" Liv blurts, she never blurts, "My mom killed herself, and I want to stop using heroin," Cass says, it's the most information she's given about the drug, maybe because she hates it, I look in her eyes....no she doesn't hate it, she hates that she can't stop herself and something tells me, she's regular user, not just on birthdays, she looks at me too, tears building up but she blinks them back down. And now it's my turn.
I think there are a million things I could say, like my dad chose needles over me, like I just wanna forget, like I hate myself.
"I watched my mom die, and I dream of her every night" but that's the one thing I want to get off my chest. And tonight I can. We all sit in silence in our thoughts after that, comfortable with what we shared, comfortable in our own thoughts because our minds our clouded, or maybe just maybe we feel comfortable in each other.
I really hope it's the latter.
and before I go to sleep, I pick up my phone typing my slurring words
I ttrick men, and steal from them n sell them fake drrrugs-Alice
sent is the last word I see before I fall into darkness.