Monday
I hand Roxy 200 dollars, in cash for rent even though it's due by the end of the week, it's our second month living at the manor and it's been a dream. "Thanks," she says sheepishly she doesn't like taking our money, I can tell, but she deserves it plus it's cheap. Cassie came down the stairs still groggy from our bonfire last night, we were up until 3 am roasting marshmallows, and listening to Roxy's ghost stories. "Where's Liv?" asked Cassie, I shrugged I thought she was still sleeping, while Cass shook her head, not saying much more.
"Make sure Liv cashes her check before the bank closes, you know how forgetful she is," says Roxanne with a small laugh, while putting on her running shoes, "Bye guys love you" she shouts to me and Cassie shouted love you back, and then we hear the door slam, "are you excited for your interview?" Cassie asks, I sigh even though this isn't the first real job I've had I'm still a bit nervous.
"I don't know, I'm a bit nervous," I say, letting the words slide off my tongue, it's becoming easier to tell them the truth to say how I feel, and I don't know if it's for better or worse. But for some odd reason, I open up to them.
"Don't be, they're going to love you" She says to me
Cassie was right, they did love me. And I got the job, excitement dripping from my voice when I told Cassie, and she dragged me to get food with her.
We both ordered large french fries, ranch packets, and large water, she dipped her fry in her ranch, and I laughed when it dripped down her chin, giggling a bit too loud because one second we were alone and Cassie was wiping her face with a napkin, telling me to shut up with a smile on her face. And the next I felt a dark pretense behind me that wrapped around my soul, like we shared it. Zane.
Any other woman would have gone pale, but Cassie was sensitive to feelings she narrowed her eyes at Zane, and his friend, "Hi angel" he said to me, the last time we saw each other he had licked my pussy, that night I was so frustrated even after making myself come, it just wasn't the same. "this is Jade" Zane pointed his head at his friend by his side, and I didn't have to look at him to know he was one of the guys from the other night. But he didn't have a bruised nose, so I don't think it was that one. Jade didn't look at me, maybe he was scared that Zane would punch him if he did, or because he was too busy looking right at Cassie taking her in. He didn't seem scared, so I think it was Cass. Cassie didn't seem impressed though, "He can't speak for himself?" She says instead, god I love her.
Jade just smirked, "You've got a mouth on you" his voice was dark, and in warning like say sorry or I'll break you. "Doesn't everyone?" she questions not backing down. Zane breaks me from there bantering by whispering in my ear hands on the backside of my bench. "I wanna see you again," he says I turn to face him, his tats running down his strong arms, our mouths inches away we breathing the same air space. I stare into his midnight black eyes, while he stares into my baby blues. "No," I say he's too dangerous, and he chuckles "It wasn't a question" he states. I gulp his eyes following the movement, grabbing my throat and staring at my lips muttering a fuck it and kissing me, I let out a gasp my eyes close melting into it, he bites my lip making me open my mouth and shoving his tongue to my back of my throat dancing with my tongue. He kisses me like a mad man, this isn't love this is an obsession, this is lust, little kids turn to look, along with moms and disapproving glares, but Zane doesn't care he makes me taste him, I arch myself into him, moving my body so we can have a better position, I moan into him he pulls back, but I don't want him too so I lean in more which causes him to smirk. "shut up," I say, trying to get out of his grip "Your not going anywhere," he says but I dig my nails into him until he lets up
Cassie gives me a look, Jade looks indifferent still staring at her like she's a prize. "Let's go", I say "Thank fuck" Cassie says rolling her eyes. We pack up our stuff and Zane watches me, while I pretend to not acknowledge him, "I'll see you angel" he says while I flip him off, and he chuckles. Like he knows I'll pay for it later.
we hop into Cassie's car, "so Jade?" I ask, "he's annoying, might fuck him," she says smiling, we burst into giggles while she starts the car.
Tuesday
Liv doesn't come home until late, me and girls are playing Uno and convinced that Roxy is cheating somehow. "Uno" she taunts, as Cassie throws down her cards "Next game," she says Cass hates losing I laugh, too happy to care...not drunk, not high...happy. When Liv comes home she's tired she doesn't say much, and she doesn't eat dinner she heads to her room and shuts the door, "What's up with her?" ask Roxanne getting up to put up food, I follow her into the kitchen, and start washing the dishes, "She's Livvy Catalan, of course, she's fine" Cass said sarcastically
I narrow my eyes, happiness leaving my body like drugs do, I guess happiness has come down too, because I'm left with emptiness and a need for more, "What does that mean?" I say, a little harsher than intended, but Cassie doesn't get mad, or even snap back, she tells me to let it go for now.
which I can do, for now at least.
Wednesday
I try to talk to Livvy, I come into her room, and she looks up at me groggy and not pleased, like I interrupted her peace, where was the girl who always brought me a coffee? who cried when she and Reggie had to say goodbye? I walked over to her bed anyway needing some clarity, I sat on her bed, I knew she felt my presence I don't know why she chose to ignore it, she tossed her body over to the other side, which surprisingly took her effort, her face pale, and hallow, even though she tried to hide it, something was wrong with her, and I wanted to know what.
"Hey," I say staring at a conversation the words felt forced, almost hollow, I felt like choking on the words, like dying right there on the spot. "Hi," she says, we sit in silence for a bit, and I wonder who is supposed to break the ice I feel like we've been in a fight even though we haven't and it hurts, my heart aching "Don't worry about me, I'm fine," she says, rolling to face me, but everything I see in her face isn't fine, bags under her eyes, dilated pupils, she didn't seem fine maybe she saw the worry in my eyes because she snapped using the rest of her energy "Fuck this, get out," she said, I opened my mouth shocked that she could even say that fucked up shit to me her best friend. "Fine," I say getting up and leaving taking my anger out on the door.
Thursday
I sent Liv a quick reminder over text to cash her paycheck. Which usually wasn't us but after she snapped at me, for no reason I didn't feel like talking to her besides I had other things to worry about.
Friday
Liv didn't come in last night, and she didn't pay Roxanne and she didn't even send one text. "Where she is?" I asked Roxy, "I don't know she's starting to worry me" Roxy didn't meet my eyes. Cassie marches down the stairs, with used needles in her hands, "I found these under her bed? I think it's just ket or oxy" her voice drowned out, just ket, just oxy...what the hell I shut down, but cassie doesn't let me, "she needs you" she says, dragging my hand even though I just want to crash on the floor and stay there for a couple of hours until this all seems less hazy. "I know where she's going, come on" Cassie dragged me even though I didn't want to go, I never wanted to leave she made me, put me in the car, turned on the music, and stared straight ahead driving, fast.
Cassie was stronger than I ever was.
We finally made it to a dinky run-down bar, blaring music, and drunks stumbling on their own two feet. Still trying to shoot their shot but honestly, I just walked past everyone. what was she doing here, why was she here, she didn't belong here. We walked into the bar, and the bartender who wasn't a bad sight to look at gave us a head nod of acknowledgment Cassie quickened her pace and I followed her until someone stepped in front of us, "Cassie, long time no see are you sick again?" the guy had to be in his late 40's balding, and a ring on his finger, cassie what have you done for these drugs? I think of Mare, and she gives me a quick look, my turn to be strong. "Fuck off" I say pushing past him
I could charm this bar, and in a few seconds, I could make everyone fall in love with me, I could make every girl envy me I could do all that, I could make men buy me drink after drink and forget that this even happened I could be stumbling out of here tripping over my damn feet. But I can't forget this time, I just can't do that for Liv, I have to remember so I scan the room, and then ask Cassie to take me to the bathroom, and I think that's where she would be, I straighten up, and I see Cassie smile, and have a sigh of relief nodding her head she likes when I'm strong she looks up to me, and I look up to her.
we find the bathroom, I go in first and I find Liv on the floor, foam coming out of her mouth, passed out reeking of vomit...I shake as I approach her, and I say very slowly and softly "Liv?" she doesn't reply, so I get on my knees, her whole appearance reminds me of da-no not now, this is about Liv not you. I shake her whole body and she still doesn't wake I feel her throat it's icy, cold, but there's a pulse and it's so tiny and faint. How can this happen suddenly I'm shaking, "Liv, oh Liv" I slap her, hoping to get blood rushing back and her body alive, and I guess it does the trick because her eyes flutter open like she's only been sleeping not dying.
and adrenaline runs through her course because suddenly she's up and standing, "Move she says to me" but I don't I hold my ground, "move please, I just need a little more, then I'll stop" she says, but I hold her in place and she's so weak, "Stop don't fucking touch me, don't you ever touch me!" she says, "What's wrong with you, we need to get you to the hospital" I scream at her, "No, I'm fine I'm not your dad you don't need to take care of me!" she screams back, it's the drugs talking. "Please Liv, you OD," I say sobbing into her chest, her face melts, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she sobs too.
and finally, we load into my car, and she screams out the window "FUCK DRUGS"
but we all know, we love drugs, and we'll always go back when something goes wrong.