The moment I was alone with Avery at the studio an anxiety I never felt before crept forward. The urge to hold him, to wrap him in an embrace that he couldn't dream to escape from, to smother him so much that he would become a part of me… It took everything I had not to give into these foreign desires. At the same time, however, it felt like I would lose my mind if I didn't do anything. I had never felt anything like this before, and every time I looked at him my body would start burning up. My heart rate increased, my breathing grew rapid and shallow.
I somehow managed to get through observing the art class, but from the moment he sat me down to start painting my portrait I couldn't take my eyes off him. Every movement of his had me completely enraptured. The way the tip of his tongue would stick out between his lips when he was concentrating on his strokes, the way his brows furrowed together when he stepped back to look at his painting's progress, even the way his wrist would flick ever so slightly after dipping his brush in more paint – every movement seemed to hypnotize me on the spot.
At some point I ended up at a table in the back of the studio, and I kept my eyes on him from there. Seeing how he interacted with all the kids made me think he would be an amazing parent someday, and I couldn't help but imagine a future in which he would give me a family. Distracted by these thoughts, time ended up flying by, and before I knew it Avery was approaching me in an empty studio.
I helped him pick up as quickly as I could, and suddenly I was glad that we were taking separate vehicles until we got to his place. Being in this state, there was no way I would be able to manage getting us back to my apartment safely. We walked out to the parking lot after he finished locking up, and I hopped on my bike and pulled around to the back of his car so I could follow him to his house.
The entire drive was pure torture. I kept racking my brain, trying to figure out what the hell was going on with me. I know that I didn't imprint on him because I haven't had any issues with other omegas, and my rut isn't scheduled to be here for a couple months. The longer I thought about this I realized that I had been acting out of character since this morning. I had woken up restless and the only thing I could think about was wanting to see Avery as soon as possible, and once I was near him it took every ounce of strength to suppress my urges.
There were some similarities to how my rut presents itself in the early stages, such as obsession, restlessness, irritability, inability to focus, and a low-grade fever. I had ignored all those symptoms that I had been experiencing since last night, assuming that it was stress or fatigue from the sudden developments of the last week. However, once we were alone together in the studio, I couldn't control myself. I kissed him and held onto him almost out of desperation. The feeling of my pheromones being held back was almost unbearable, and I decided to release them without a second thought.
I should have been ashamed of myself and worried about how Avery would respond, but there was a part of me that almost didn't care and that itself was enough to scare me. It wasn't until Avery shouted my name that I came to my senses, and I had to step outside to clear my head. After a few minutes he came out to talk to me, and there was this internal war in my mind between lust and reason.
Even now, following Avery back to his house, I can only think about what he told me outside of his studio. "It's okay." "You didn't do anything wrong." "I liked it." Playing what he said on repeat in my mind made me feel like I was going delirious.
Before I knew it Avery was pulling into a driveway. I waited until he got out of his car and started walking inside before parking right next to him. He was only inside for a few minutes, and I had to use that time wisely to talk myself down and convince myself I could manage to drive us home. A few minutes passed of me repeating just stay calm in my head like it was a holy mantra before I heard the front door open and close. It was in that moment, unable to contain my excitement, that I knew I was screwed.
After making sure he was ready to go I plopped my slightly too big helmet onto him, strapped it tight, and helped him onto the bike. I really need to get him his own helmet. Pulling out of the driveway I could feel Avery's body relax into mine. His hands were clasped together and rested in my lap. Every now and then I could feel his fingers moving around, tapping my thigh or skimming some bare skin just above the button of my pants. My body tensed up every time, and it was then that the drive back to my apartment felt abnormally long.
When we were just a few minutes away I felt something akin to ice find a home on my stomach under my shirt, and it wasn't until Avery moved ever so slightly on my back that I realized it was his hands. I couldn't tell if they were genuinely that cold, or if it felt that way because my body was that hot.
Soon after we found ourselves outside my apartment building, and after putting my bike away I guided him inside to my place. The thought of him being in a place that was solely mine was somehow invigorating. Everything in there belongs to me, smells like me, and as soon as I open this front door he will be in there too, among my possessions. What the fuck am I thinking? He's a person, not some thing to be owned. Maybe it would be better if he came over another night, when I am in the right mind?
Despite my concerns I continued to open the door, and soon we were both inside my apartment. Avery looked shocked, and I couldn't tell if he was happy or disappointed to see the kind of place I lived in. Either way, we were here now, and he took it upon himself to start exploring what little space there was.
I stood near my front door and watched him as he took in everything in front of him. He looked at the kitchen and the living room, but it seemed as though the raised platform my bed was set on piqued his interest. He ran his fingers up and down the comforter and looked to the ceiling to examine that installation which supported the curtains to act as a canopy for my bed. He quickly moved to the bathroom, and he looked excited when he saw the tub.
"What do you think?" I asked after being able to muster up the courage.
"It's wonderful, I love it. It has almost a minimalist feel, but there is just enough to also make it feel lively. Whoever designed it really put some thought into how they wanted it to look."
It made me happy to hear him say he liked my apartment, but it saddened me when he mentioned the design. Mr. Hoswell had designed this place, and Mrs. Hoswell had decorated it. I had gotten used to it by now, but blatantly remembering sent a pang to my chest.
Trying to distract myself from the memory, I decided to cook up something to eat. I needed to keep my hands and mind occupied – not only to try and shake off the past but also to make sure I didn't pounce on Avery. A simple meal of grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup would do well, plus he seemed chilly on the ride home so this should warm him right up.
I pulled out all the ingredients and started whipping up dinner, when I was hit with a question I had never been asked before.
"Why do you provide for your mother, when she never provided for you?".
I paused what I was doing briefly and looked over at Avery. He himself seemed shocked that he asked the question aloud. While I wasn't necessarily offended by his curiosity, this was a topic I didn't want to talk about tonight. I tried not to delve too deep into an answer. It wasn't something I really thought about myself, either, but there were some thoughts that came to mind.
"I still wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my mother, I guess. My entire life she has told me that I am a good-for-nothing son, and that I ruined everything for her. I guess I just feel bad. Maybe if I was a dominant alpha, or if I had asked for things less, or I didn't complain, maybe then she would have had a happier life. I think this is my way to atone for the sins I unknowingly committed in her eyes."
I wasn't sure how he was going to react to that, but he decided to change the subject to dinner. I told him what I was making, and the look he gave made me remember how young he really was. It was so adorable, and while there was only around five years between us, I couldn't help but feel like a cradle robber.
"Here you go, kind sir. Dinner is served." I said, while placing a plate and bowl in front of him. I then served myself and sat across from him at the table. Avery dug into dinner like he hadn't eaten anything in days, and he didn't speak again until he was done with his food.
"Whew, that was amazing Kai. Thank you for dinner. I didn't know you were such an amazing cook!"
"I'm glad you enjoyed it; it wasn't anything special. I've been cooking for myself for quite some time, but I rarely ever made food for anyone else, so I was a little nervous."
There was a moment of silence afterward, and while it didn't bother me I still wasn't quite sure what to do next. I ultimately decided to put on a movie for us to watch, and had Avery go sit in the living room while I put away dinner and grabbed a blanket.
"Anything you're particularly in the mood for?" I asked after sitting down next to him.
"Not really. I like all genres of movies, from indie films to blockbusters, mysteries, dramas, romance, action, horror. I don't typically watch movies often, but I generally enjoy any movie that I do end up watching."
No preference, huh? Maybe I can use this time to feel things out. I want to be with him so bad, and it's almost agonizing holding it all in. If I put on something boring then maybe he will decide to call it a night and go to bed, or maybe things will lead somewhere else. Either way, I decided to try it out.
"Works for me, I know just the thing to put on."
I put on a boring as hell documentary about the history of distilleries. It wasn't quite that it was boring, the information was quite interesting. However the narrator chosen for this documentary was completely monotone, and the visuals were not that eye grabbing. Every minute that passed was painstaking in more ways than one, and after about fifteen minutes I decided to try making a move. I felt completely overwhelmed, my heart was racing, and my hands started sweating. I mean, I know that I am a virgin but it's not like I don't know how any of this works. I just need to pull it together.
I decided to look at Avery and tilt my head slightly downward. Just as I finished doing that, he also turned toward me and started to open his mouth to speak.
"Hey, Kai-"
I had no idea what he was going to say, and frankly I didn't care. I decided to lean in for a kiss and slipped my hand onto his thigh under the blanket. His body felt so warm and soft, and despite having just finished dinner his mouth tasted so sweet. I've never done drugs, gambled, or had a problem with alcohol, but in this moment it felt like I was becoming addicted.
I kept kissing him, and the longer my lips were on his the hotter my body felt. I didn't realize that I was squeezing his thigh until he tried to reposition himself, and when I loosened my grasp, he changed positions to straddled my lap, then wrapped his arms around my neck. I could smell something like that of morning dew after a long night of rain, and I could feel something caressing my body with a touch lighter than a feather. These are his pheromones.
His pheromones helped quell this raging heat that was building up inside, but I needed more. I wanted more. I started releasing my own pheromones in kind, but rather than releasing them lightly they exploded out of me, and I was unable to control it.