In a world where time was like a flowing river, always moving and changing, and memories were like flickering flames, dancing and fading, we found ourselves reunited, our hearts pounding in our chests like thunder.
"So you do remember me, wifey."
She leaned against the railing, her folded hands hiding the turmoil that stirred within her. Her gaze, sharp as an eagle's piercing stare, bore into me, cutting through layers of pain and uncertainty.
My body trembled, each movement a silent witness to the turmoil inside me. My trembling hands clasped together tightly, as if trying to hold myself together and calm the storm that threatened to overwhelm me. The silence between us stretched like an elastic band, heavy with unspoken words and emotions that threatened to shatter the fragile bond that still connected us.
"How... are you doing?" I whispered, my voice barely above a breath. My gaze dropped, unable to meet the intensity of her stare. My nerves were on edge, making my hands shake uncontrollably, like leaves caught in a strong wind.
Her smile flickered, a hint of sadness crossing her features. "On what day did you wake up?" she asked, her voice soft yet firm. It was a question that cut through the silence like a sharp knife, a painful reminder of our incredible journey through the long and winding river of time.
"The day before our paths were destined to intertwine…" A question lingers in my mind, one that gnaws at my soul. Though I know the answer may bring me unbearable pain, I cannot resist the urge to seek the truth.
If only I hadn't met you that day…
"Ama, meeting with me was your greatest regret, why did you choose to cross our path again?" I lifted my head, meeting her gaze. Her eyes held a distant look, as if she were peering into the depths of my soul. A faint smile played on her lips as her body slowly reclined from the railing.
"Ama!" My heart pounded like a drum in my chest as I lunged forward, my fingers digging into her hand. My breath came in ragged gasps, and my muscles trembled with the effort.
Her eyes met mine, and there was no fear in them, only a strange, detached acceptance. It was as if she were watching herself from a distance, unmoved by the danger she was in.
If I hadn't grabbed her hand in time, what would have happened?
"You love me yet you try to alter our path. Why?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. Anger surged through me when I saw her reckless behavior. She was putting her own life at risk just to prove a point. Was it really necessary? My grip tightened on her hand as I pulled her towards me from the railing. My back pressed against the wall, her hand like a barrier beside me. "Did you ever love me at all or was it lie all along?" I questioned.
"Zeya, even after wasting two decades of your life, you seem to haven't realised you love the wrong person."
"Love the wrong person?" I stared at her, in disbelief. My lips parted, struggling to find the words to explain. I chuckled, shaking my head. What an idiot I was. Sophia was right… The hardest thing to read in the world is Amaya.
Few days ago
Music class
"So you haven't decided where to study?" Seth asked, flipping the water bottle. I shook my head, resting my chin in my palm, and stared at him. Amaya wanted to go to the restroom, so Elli and Fred accompanied her, concerned about her injured leg. Sophia took the bottle and tried to flip it, but she failed miserably.
"Aren't you guys going to study for the final exam?" I asked, curious by their always carefree attitude. "If I start to read now, on the day of the exam I might end up in the mental hospital," Seth said, shaking his head sheepishly. I chuckled at his words and grabbed the notecopy of Shreya. Her handwriting was neat.
"Zeya, don't you hate Ama?" I paused, hearing Sophia's words. I glanced at her, then at Seth, their eyes fixed on me. Where did this come from? I couldn't understand why they would ask that so suddenly. "What are you talking about? Why would I hate her?" I asked, slightly furrowing my brows. Sophia sighed, staring at the ceiling. I stared at her sad expression. "I know Demi was wrong, but so was Amaya, yet only Demi apologized. We're really sorry for what she did to your friend."
"Amaya wasn't wrong there. Demi crossed her line, so none of you need to apologize," I said. It was true. Anyone would have snapped if someone talked bad about their mother. Amaya's reaction was valid at that time.
"We actually wanted to talk with you all, but Ama refused. She said it's best for all of us. To be honest, we really can't understand what that girl thinks nowadays. It's becoming more and more harder to understand her." Sophia sighed. She hugged her legs, her eyes slightly narrowed, her eyes filled with tears.
I lowered my head. Even after living together for decades, I never got to understand her. What she thinks, what's she planning, she was unreadable and unpredictable. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard Seth's voice, filled with nostalgia, "She wasn't like this before. She was cheerful, loud and noisy, always happy. But after the uncle's death, she changed. Ama loves her papa the most."
"We were in grade three when uncle died." Sophia continued, "Ama had to take psychotherapy to cope up with her Papa's death. She had a… dissociation."
"Dissociation? A mental disorder?" I was confused. I was never aware of this. They never talked about it, not even once in the previous life. Are they telling the truth or just pulling my legs? But I don't dare to question it, their eyes were enough to confirm my doubt. They weren't lying.
"Um.. it's a mental disorder but after the therapy, she became normal… not like before though. She was all smiley and happy but from outside only. Whenever we leave her alone, her smile would disappear, like a corpse she would stare blankly at one place, it kinda scared us at first." I felt my heart sink like a stone after hearing their words. My hands trembled in fear, each and every word of their matching with Amaya after the death of Sophia.
"Doctor said it'll be fine after full therapy. Slowly we saw her smiling again. Then it was fine until a few months ago. Amaya had a fight with Aunty, she said many things in anger because of which aunty left the house. It was before Elli's basketball and my dance competition." Sophia's voice trembled, tears threatening to stream down.
"She again started to show signs of dissociation. Ama often says things she didn't mean in anger then regrets it later. We weren't there so we don't know what actually happened or what she said that time. That's why, can you please not hold any grudge against her?" Seth pleaded.
My hands trembled uncontrollably. My own heart pounded loudly. I gulped, my throat slightly dry. Breathing became hard yet I asked, sweat trickling down my forehead like a river of tears, "How does she look when she had dissociation? I mean symptoms."
I didn't want what I'm thinking to be true. But Seth's words shattered my heart, "She gets detached from her emotions and world. Whenever she finds something her mind can't handle, she usually goes blank, emotionless. Like the brain shutting down itself."
Amaya's emotionless face haunted my mind like a ghost. No, it can't be. I always thought she got tired of me and my love but now you're saying she was mentally struggling and I never knew that.
"And she often forgets time too." Sophia asked. "Even she fell from the stairs because of this."
"What do you mean by that?" I asked, terrified.
"Yeah, that incident confirmed to me too that she needs to take psychotherapy again. She stood in the stairs for almost half an hour then she took a step back and fell. Thanks to lord, I came in time. She didn't even know she stood there for half an hour." Seth sighed, a relief escaping from his mouth.
Suddenly we heard footsteps outside so we stayed quiet and calm.
If that day, they hadn't told me about it, about dissociation, then maybe I would have believed I loved the wrong person.
It's not like I would regret loving you.
I don't know if you were going through dissociation or not, but I don't want to regret anything. Since lord gave me this chance, I'll do everything this time to know the truth and… change our fate. I loved you without knowing anything about you, now it's time to find everything about you.
Like an open book, Ama, I want to read you.
"Love the wrong person? One look at me and your eyes used to sparkle like a diamond. Your soft and rosy lips, like rose petals, whispered my name as if it were a holy mantra. Your attentive ears patiently endured my endless complaints. And now you tell me I loved the wrong person all along?" My hand trembled slightly as I touched her chest. I could feel her heart racing beneath her calm expression.
"Every time I get scared, I long for your embrace, and you used to come too, leaving everything behind. When I fell ill, you defied all odds to be by my side, driving through the night from Feather City to Aqua City, a journey that should have taken two days but which you completed in a mere sixteen hours, breaking every driving rule in a hurry. You gave me that necklace which you didn't even let your own best friend touch. You, who never once touched her own projects, sacrificed your own sleep to finish my project, so I wouldn't feel embarrassment in the classroom. And now, after all this, you tell me that I have loved the wrong person all along?" I cannot bear to let you go, so I hold tightly to your hand as you try to distance yourself from me again. Mustering all my remaining courage with a deep breath, I leaned in her chest, "Ama, did you jump from the cliff after me?"
*Thump*
Her heart skipped a beat. Your face can lie but not your heart, Ama.