"Ama, did you jump from the cliff after me?" I asked, grabbing her wrist.
Her hand shot out like a viper's strike, seizing mine with a force that made me cry out in pain. Then she pulled away her hand that I was gripping, her eyes blazing with a mixture of fury and fear. Her jaw was clenched so tightly that her teeth ground together audibly, and her gaze pierced me like a thousand tiny daggers, searing my soul with its intensity.
Her words were like ice, piercing through my heart. "I never knew you were this foolish. Everyone does that at the start of the relationship or until they get the person they want."
I clenched my fist, my knuckles turning white. "No one goes to the extent you went for me," I retorted, my voice barely a whisper. I took a step forward.
"Love is blind, I heard," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Never knew it could make someone this blind."
She chuckled bitterly, staring at me. "I treated you like a queen for only two years, while like a slave for almost two decades. You remember those two years and not the horrible things I did in those two decades?"
I paused, raising the corner of my lip slightly. "Even in those two decades, you stayed loyal," I asked, my voice barely a whisper. "Why is that?"
Now I understand why I couldn't move on! If you had cheated on me, then maybe I would have tried. You never treated me like a queen after those two years, but you never treated me like a slave either. You stayed by my side even when we fought, and even though you ran away, you always came back later.
How can I move on? How can I bring myself to hate you when you stayed loyal and faithful till my death?
"It's not easy to forget the good times we shared, the moments when you made me feel loved and special."
Yes, I can't ignore the pain you caused me. The way you neglected me, the way you made me feel like I was never enough. But it doesn't mean I can forget the times when you made me feel special.
"You were struggling too, you were in pain too, you lost someone special too. Yeah, you hurt me, but you were hurting yourself too."
I'm starting to realize now that our relationship was more complex than I thought. We both made mistakes, we both caused each other pain. But we also loved each other, that's why we stayed together till our last breath. I'm ready to forget everything if we can be together again. "Ama–"
She scoffed, her gaze fixed on her friends downstairs. Everyone was engrossed in the movie. I heard her sour voice, her eyes still averted, "One look at you, and the sparkle in my eyes vanished. My lips, which once whispered your name like a holy mantra, fell silent too. I endured your endless complaints, but did I truly listen?"
How far can one go to put themselves down? How far can you go for the love of your life?
"I broke traffic rules to be by your side when you were sick. But I was the reason you wished for death too." Her voice was devoid of emotion, her eyes like ice. "I gave you a necklace. But are you sure it was the one I always wear?"
She turned around, her back to me. "I did your class project. So what? I destroyed your company's project later."
"Don't ask me why I didn't cheat on you again. You know the reason why I hated my momma."
She walked past me, her footsteps echoing in my ear like the beat of a painful drum. I didn't want to remember how lonely I was, how cruelly you treated me. I wanted to forget everything and start anew with you... I was ready. But why couldn't you?
"Ama.." I still have thousands of questions to ask, but you would probably ignore them like a whisper lost in a storm. "Was I not worthy of sharing even a little of your pain? Was I so utterly unimportant to you that you couldn't bring yourself to open up to me?"
Her steps halted, and she turned her body around. I heard her voice filled with confusion, "Pain? Open up?"
"Dissociation…" I replied, my voice trembling.
She stayed silent, blinking her eyes rapidly. She slightly inclined her head. "What's that?" she asked.
I chuckled bitterly, tears of anger and frustration streaming down my face. "Oh, come on, Ama. Don't play dumb with me!" It was the first time I ever shouted at her like this. "Your friend told me everything. You're suffering from dissociation, a mental illness where you detach yourself from reality to cope with trauma–"
"Wait, wait, wait! Zeya, do you really want me to use a mental illness as an excuse for my behavior?" she scoffed, mocking me. Her eyes flashed with contempt and disdain. "Do you really want to be with me so much that you're ready to give me an excuse?"
She acted like she was beyond speechless by my words. We stared at each other, the air thick with tension. Her body language was tense and defensive, her arms crossed over her chest. She raised her eyebrows, a look of disbelief and skepticism on her face. "Sorry, Zeya, but I have no excuse for my behavior. I treated you the way I did because I wanted you out of my life. Don't forget, we already broke up."
"Wait a minute!" I grabbed her hand, my voice filled with desperation. Sophia and Seth wouldn't lie. They don't have any reason to lie. What are you hiding, Ama? Why are you set on making me hate you? "Why? Why did you try to get close to me if you didn't want me in your life?"
She grabbed my hand and raised it in the air, her grip surprisingly strong. "Because I didn't want to change high school memories, but it seems like I don't have a choice but to change it." Her voice was cold and distant, devoid of any emotion.
She let go of my hand and walked towards her room, her footsteps echoing in the silence of the house. I stood there alone in the dark, my mind racing. Why would Sophia and Seth lie to me?
*Slap*
A painful, loud sound of a slap echoed in the room, occupied by none other than Amaya and Seth. The sound reverberated through the air, leaving a ringing silence in its wake.
Sitting on the bed with her gaze downcast, like her world was coming to an end, Amaya stayed silent. Her body trembled slightly, and her knuckles turned white as she gripped the sheets beneath her.
Standing in front of her with his furious eyes, his hand trembling, Seth glared at Amaya in anger and frustration. His nostrils flared, and his lips were drawn back in a snarl.
Amaya touched her cheek, feeling a tingling sensation that spread across her skin. The sharp pain shot through her head, and her vision blurred. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She had always known that Seth was capable of violence, but never in a dream, she had imagined that he would actually hit her.
Seth's chest heaved with anger. He had never intended to hurt Amaya, but he had lost control. The action of Amaya had cut him deeply, and he had reacted in a moment of rage.
Seth clenched his jaw, his teeth grinding together. "Everything has a limit, Amaya!" he shouted. His voice echoed through the room, carrying with it a raw anger.
Amaya raised her head, her eyes slightly widened, her lips parted. She was shocked when he took her full name. It felt distant, her heart shattering into a thousand pieces. "Again and again! Till when, Amaya!?"
Seth kicked the chair away in anger, the sound of the impact reverberating through the room. Amaya flinched at the noise, her body trembling slightly. She lowered her head again, her eyes fixed on the floor.
Massaging his temples, Seth walked towards a drawer and yanked it open. He rummaged through its contents, his movements quick and jerky. He pulled out a first aid kit, his hands shaking slightly.
Amaya's bleeding leg was hanging over the side of the bed. She clenched her fist and closed her eyes, biting her lips to hide a cry of pain. She whimpered slightly when Seth took out her bandages. He glared at her, his eyes filled with a mixture of anger and concern.
"It better be your last attempt to hurt yourself, Ama. If you ever try to hurt yourself again, you'll have to treat your wound yourself. None of us will be by your side that time." He warned, his voice cold and low, yet there was a flicker of concern in his eyes that was quickly extinguished by anger and disappointment.
Amaya's lips trembled, her eyes filled with sadness and desperation. "I told you, it happened when I tried to come to the room. I didn't mean to harm myself." Her voice trembled, her words barely audible, lost in the suffocating silence of the room.
Seth glared at Amaya, his eyes filled with a rage that seemed to consume him. "Yeah, and you let your blood bleed for two hours without trying to stop it. Do you know how I felt when I saw blood from the living room to this room?!?!? You would have called us if you had cared!" His voice was laced with disbelief, pain, and a hint of desperation.