That day I kept myself locked inside our campus room, I did not even attend my evening lectures, and neither did I eat lunch. I stayed inside the room up to nightfall, I was sitting on my bed with my legs pressed against my chest.
That time, I was worried for no reason I could explain, but one thing was clear to me, Justin no longer needs me to stay with him inside the clinic room, he has been discharged and is back on campus with people that are close to him.
The time I usually eat dinner came and at that time—I was not planning to eat any, my unexplained depression was getting the better of me.
However, at around 8 pm in the night, Maya came back to our room with a paper bag in her hand, she was carrying food inside meant to be my dinner, she even bought me canned juice to go with the food.
Without asking me, Maya sat down on my bed which is opposite to hers inside our room. She dropped my supposed dinner in front of me and then started talking to me.
"If you don't open up about what's been troubling you today—that made you sad and depressed, I can't do much to cheer you up. It's starting to worry me to see you so down all day.
"If you don't explain to me what's going on, I'm going to start to feel down too. Janna, you can rely on me to listen. Relying on each other in moments like this is what makes us best friends."
Hearing Maya's words as she showed me how much she cared about me made me happy, but it was not enough to pull me out of my thoughts about Justin.
At that time, I felt worried that my silence was making Maya feel distressed, it is embarrassing to speak about the reason I am having a bad mood, telling Maya that I saw Justin talking to another girl made me sad is way too embarrassing for me.
However, for the sake of preventing Maya from being more worried than she already is, I decided to bare my embarrassment and tell her the whole story.
I slowly lifted my face that was pressed against my knee. " Maya, my heart has been broken today. You know how sensitive I am in the matters of love. Believing that Justin was the guy sent to me by the Universe over a silly dream I had made me fall in love with him without even realizing it.
"I kept visiting his clinic room thinking I was somehow special to him, thinking I was the only one he could rely on to keep him company but I was wrong.
"Today I learned that Justin did not need me after all, he had friends that were there for him unlike a stranger such as myself, I have mistaken the kindness he showed me as having an interest in me. And now I have gotten myself burnt because I went ahead and fell in love with him without even asking."
In that moment of heightened emotions, Maya changed her sitting position and sat down immediately beside me, making our shoulders come into contact.
"I do not know much about love," she admitted.
"The concept of never-ending love destined by the Universe you always tell me about sounds romantic, however, I believe that in the context of the words you use. The universe is the one that brought me and you together.
"Even though our relationship is not romantic, I believe it is something special that only the two of us share, so Janna, you do not have to always think of the universe miracles in terms of soulmates and stuff like that.
"The Universe has sent someone like me to you, so even though your love for Justin has not materialized. You should not be sad, I am here for you and I will always be by your side."
Maya's words were very revealing to my heart, they sounded so romantic even though they did not carry any of those intentions. At that moment, a gentle smile formed on my face.
"If you keep talking to me with words like that, I might end up falling in love with you," I said.
A wave of embarrassment washed over her face, I could not help but start laughing as she struggled to contain her embarrassment.
She looked away from me, "stop teasing me," she protested.
without realizing it, I was back to my normal self, Maya was able to lighten up my mood and even made me laugh when I thought my world was starting to come to an end.
That night, I was able to temporarily forget about Justin and ate my dinner while chatting with Maya.
***
For a week after Justin got discharged from the clinic, I did not talk to him, he did not message me and neither did he call me by the phone.
I then figured out that maybe I was just his errand girl who was convenient to use, I accepted that position and it made me sad, but at the same time, I rationalized it with the thought of if he saved my life and got admitted in the clinic because of that, going on errands for him is the least I could do to thank him.
The Saturday that completed one week after Justin left the college clinic came fast, at that time, his thoughts were still on my mind, the fantasies I had about the joy I could experience if Justin was the one for me were still fresh.
The time we spent together in the clinic room is special to me, even though in the end Justin was not having the same feelings as me, I am still glad I met a guy like him, his kindness and bright smile have stolen my heart and it seems like it would take more than a week to get it back.