September 2nd, 1952
Manhattan New York
Oh, Diary! Today was even worse! What does this even mean? Does she like me or not? Ughhhh....this is SO confusing!To start off, when I got to school, everything was normal. Mary told me good morning, and I said it back. But when we got to recess, she asked me something, "Hey, Victoria, is there any boy you like?" What a stupid question! I like HER!"No...not particularly. I don't need a boyfriend, I have you, Mary," I said, with a smile. But what she said next confused me."Um...what? Are you like a lesbian?" Then she laughed! "Hey, guys, Victoria's a lesbian! A total perv!" Everyone looked at me as Mary laughed.The girls said stupid stuff like, "Ew...don't invite her to sleepovers!" and giggled. I think Mary was only teasing me...but it hurt my feelings. How could she say that so easily?I don't understand why it felt so bad. I mean, yes, I do like her, but I don't want to be called a "perv." It's like she was joking, but it felt a bit too real. Why is this all so complicated? I just wanted to have fun with my friend, not be the punchline of a joke.Now I'm left wondering if I should keep being honest with her. What if she doesn't want to be friends anymore? What if everyone thinks I really am a lesbian?What do I do, Diary? I just want to be close to her without all this confusion!✦•······················•🪻•······················•✦
September 24th, 1956
Los Angeles, Ca
Looks like my 13-year-old self left out a lot of details...and why did I stop writing in there after that incident? I was so love-struck I didn't look at the big picture. I'm so naive...Mary didn't really like me; she liked the attention she was getting from me. Did I not realize all those times she would start fights with the girls in our class and then get me to back her up? No wonder they didn't like me...always taking her side even if they were in the right.Or how during lunch she didn't even talk about real stuff with me...only asked me how to do the homework. And how she would belittle me anytime there was a boy in our presence. She would get me to stay by acting like she liked me for a bit, and then she didn't, and then she did, and then she didn't. I really was stupid. I was so attached to her, and it was only like a month and a half. Well, I suppose that's equal to a year and a half in lesbian time.Whatever...I'm smarter this time. I need to get Jane out of my mind. I've only known of her existence for a bit.