"Kaya, what's been bothering you? You've been acting strange for a while now. Is something on your mind?"
My sister asked me this after we had our usual bath and dinner together. It seems that my thoughts were showing on my face. I couldn't shake off the thoughts that had been swirling in my head since earlier, and even now, they kept circling around, refusing to leave. But if I brought this up to my sister, she might not only dismiss it but also tighten the restraints on me.
"No, it's nothing. Why do you ask?"
"I was just a little worried."
For her to notice, I must have really let it show on my face. Even so, I couldn't let go of the idea that I should distance myself from her before she decides to abandon me. Yet, I couldn't picture myself escaping from her.
"Sister, what am I to you? A pet?"
"What are you talking about? Of course not. You're my precious, one and only sister."
"But look, what we're doing right now isn't so different from keeping a pet. You don't trust me, do you?"
I knew I couldn't escape, but I said something to provoke her on purpose. Maybe if I made her angry, she'd leave me. It's better for me to push her away myself than to wait for the day she decides to abandon me.
"Of course I trust you, Kaya. How could I not?"
"Then why are you keeping me confined? I've told you I won't die, but you're acting like I will if you don't lock me up! You never listen to what I say!"
This was something I had been thinking about for a while. My sister does listen to me when she asks for my opinion, but she doesn't seem to take my words seriously. I've especially felt this way in this life. But honestly, I wasn't that angry. I only said it to make her dislike me. After a moment of silence, she slowly began to speak.
"Why? —That's what I want to ask you. Why did you lie to me back then? Why did you die? Why do you always leave me behind? Tell me, why?"
My sister's words came pouring out as if a dam had broken. It was as if she had been holding everything back until now, and it all came rushing out at once.
"Why didn't you come to me for help? Why, why, why? But it's okay, Kaya, it's okay. That's why I decided back then—I wouldn't ask you for reasons anymore. I realized I wouldn't understand, and even if there was a reason, I didn't want you to die. Kaya, am I wrong? Do I not trust you? —Maybe I don't. But I don't care, as long as you're alive, as long as you don't die."
She wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly. So this is how she's been feeling. Come to think of it, have I ever really tried to convey my own feelings to her? Maybe we haven't communicated enough. But... ow, ow, ow. Hey, isn't she holding me a bit too tightly?
"S-Sister, you're squeezing me too hard. It hurts."
"Don't leave me alone again. You promised we'd always be together, didn't you?"
Always together? Those words triggered a memory from long ago.