Ah, thank goodness. It seems I've successfully managed to stop my sister from dying, at least for now. Relieved, I took her downstairs, and we had breakfast together. It surprised me how indifferent I felt seeing my parents again after so long. They used to be the center of my life, or rather, my life itself, and now everything has changed so drastically. The old me wouldn't have believed it. But there's no going back now, and I don't want to.
We exchanged a few words with our parents, then finished breakfast. I calmed my sister down, who was curious to ask all sorts of questions, and prepared to head to school. As soon as we left the house, she could no longer hold back and started asking me questions.
"Hey, why did you kiss me?"
"I told you earlier, didn't I? Because I love you, Sis."
I hadn't planned on kissing her. But she wouldn't listen to me no matter how much I tried to explain. And then she went so far as to say I didn't love her—something so absurd. When I thought about how to prove my love, that was the only thing that came to mind. Ah, just remembering it now makes me embarrassed. I was panicking, thinking I had to do something, anything, and I can't believe I did something so bold. But my sister, ignoring my feelings, continued questioning me.
"Then why didn't you choose me back then?"
"—That's not something we can talk about quickly. Let's discuss it when we get home."
It's not something I can sum up in a single sentence, and it's not a conversation to have in a place like this. Besides, I'm still flustered by the memory of that kiss, and I can't think straight, so I'll leave it to my future self.
"There's no need to go to school anymore, you know."
Well, that's true. Missing a day of elementary school won't change anything. But I think we both need some time to cool our heads.
"Come on, let's go. …And don't even think about dying while I'm not looking. If you do, I'll die too."
Looking back, my sister has always acted for my sake. So, I felt a bit guilty for using a threat, but I knew that if I said this, she wouldn't die.
"…Alright. But you'd better explain everything."
"I will."
With that, my sister fell silent. Well, I probably wouldn't have been able to answer properly if she had tried talking to me anyway, so it worked out. Now, I need to carefully plan our next steps before we get home. We can't redo things anymore. I have to find a way for us to be happy together.
When I arrived at school, I felt nervous seeing so many people after such a long time. It had been a month since I last saw anyone besides my sister. I braced myself, but nothing much happened. It seems I've lost interest in other people. It's strange, almost like it's someone else's life, even though it's mine. The only people I really care about are Mai-san and the others, to whom I want to express my gratitude. But that's about it. I guess that's fine. So, I spent the school day ignoring the lessons and the people around me, thinking about what to do next.
After school, I walked home with my sister. She walked faster than usual, probably unable to contain her excitement, and I found her adorable. I usually see her so composed and confident, so when I catch glimpses of this side of her, it makes me feel like I can do something for her too. As soon as we got home, she took my hand and led me upstairs, closing the door behind us before she began speaking.
"You promised to explain, right? Why didn't you choose me?"
"First, I want to clear up a misunderstanding—I didn't not choose you."
"Then why did you kill me?"
Hearing her say it outright made me pause. It was a choice I made, but maybe it wasn't the only option. Still, since I made that choice, I have to take responsibility for it.
"It's hard to explain, but I felt that if I didn't do it, I wouldn't be able to love you."
"What do you mean?"
"At the end, you said you couldn't love me. But that wasn't true. You did love me, Sis."
That was something I needed her to understand. My sister did love me. I didn't want her to deny that. She closed her eyes for a moment, seeming to think deeply.
"…I see. But then, why?"
"Because I loved you too, Sis. I believe that to love someone is to give. To want to do something for that person, to give them something—that's what love is. But if things had stayed the way they were, even if you could have loved me, I don't think I could have loved you. It would have been one-sided, with you giving and me only receiving. And if that happened, you would never know what it's like to be loved. —If you were in my position, would that have been okay with you? The other person gives you everything, but all you can do is give back, maybe not even that much. Could you have been satisfied with that?"
"…No, I probably couldn't. But even so—"
"Yes, there might have been other paths we could have taken. So this was just a selfish choice. My very first selfish choice. I wanted to do something for you, but I couldn't accept that I wasn't able to. If you can't forgive me, you can do it again. But this time, I won't end it by killing you."
I've always relied on my sister. Even now, I'm saying this, hoping she'll forgive me. But if this doesn't work out and I end up being locked up again, I won't try to escape this time. I believe that within that, we can find a way to be happy together. As I waited for her response, she let out a deep sigh, then covered her face with her right hand and looked up at the ceiling.
"…Selfish, huh? —A sister who can't listen to at least one of her little sister's selfish desires isn't fit to be a sister. So, I guess I have no choice. Come here, Kaya."
As I approached her, she gently embraced me. As she slowly patted my back, she continued speaking.
"Alright, Kaya. I'll respect your wishes. But if anything happens to you and I deem the outside world too dangerous, promise me that I can lock you up again. That's my selfish desire."
"Of course. And if that happens, we'll work together to find a way to be happy. —So, there's something I'd like your help with to make sure we can be happy together."
"Sure, what is it? I'll help this time."
"Ah, so you weren't fully listening last time, were you? Well, never mind. So, I want to ask you—do you know any trustworthy adults?"
Let's start from here, from this long and winding path we've taken, to the future where we can both be happy.