A month has passed without me leaving the room much, and I've grown accustomed to this strange lifestyle. On the first Sunday after I was confined, there was a loud noise as my sister's room was remodeled, and from that day on, I began spending my days in her room. In the mornings, I would wake up with my sister, and we'd eat breakfast together. Then she'd take me to her room, where I'd spend the day training or playing the piano until she returned. I'd have the lunch she prepared for me, and then wait for her to come back. In the evenings, we'd bathe together, eat dinner, and fall asleep while talking. That became our daily routine.
Over the past month, I haven't met anyone else or gone outside, but surprisingly, it hasn't been as difficult as I imagined. The biggest relief was that, thanks to the new lock on my sister's room door, which can only be opened from the outside, I was able to spend my days without the shackles. The only real inconvenience was not being able to use the bathroom when my sister wasn't around. Usually, this wasn't a major issue, but during my period, I had to ask my sister to stay home from school to help me.
Today, however, is the first time in a while that my sister and I are going out together. She suggested it, saying that without sunlight, I'd become unhealthy due to a lack of vitamin D or something. Although I was surprised she would let me go out, given how determined she is to keep me from escaping, she never let go of my hand the entire time, holding it tightly. Honestly, there's no need for that anymore—I have no intention of running away.
"Kaya, is there anything you're lacking?"
"Not really, but I'd like to go back to school soon."
"That's not possible. I'll grant you anything else you want, so please stay in the room. I'll make sure we can go out on weekends from now on."
"Alright, alright. I was just saying."
I replied lightly as we strolled along. Perhaps because it had been so long since I'd been outside, I grew tired more quickly than usual and we decided to rest on a bench in the park. Around us, children and families were playing with balls and enjoying themselves. They all looked so happy, as if they had no worries in the world, though I knew that couldn't be true. Watching them, I suddenly felt the urge to ask my sister a question.
"Hey, sister, how long are we going to keep living like this? What will happen when you go to university or start working? We won't be able to keep this up, will we? If you don't let me go before then, I might not be able to survive on my own."
"What a foolish thing to say. Kaya, you don't need to live on your own. It's okay. We have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of our lives, so there's no need for you to work. All you need to do is stay alive."
"…I see, understood."
Since being confined to the room, I've had plenty of time to think, and I've reflected on many things, even the parts of myself I've been avoiding. I've decided to stop living for our parents. I still want them to live, but that's all. I no longer feel the need to strive to meet their expectations or to sacrifice myself for them. They don't need me, and I don't need them. The fact that they're at home yet haven't come to see me confirms that. But my sister is different.
Right now, I'm nothing but a burden to her. She says otherwise, but I know it can't last forever. I need her to survive, but she doesn't need me. The thought of her someday, like our parents, no longer seeing me scares me. The fear of being abandoned terrifies me.
After that, I barely responded to my sister's attempts at conversation. Even after we got home and I returned to my room, my thoughts continued to swirl. I kept wondering when she might find me a nuisance, when she might decide I'm no longer needed. If that happens, I won't be able to keep going. That's why, before she can abandon me, I need to find a way to leave her first.