The closing ceremony had ended, and winter break had begun. Despite everything, my parents never came to check on me. On the first day of winter break, I went ice skating with some friends. It was my first time, and I nearly fell several times, but with their support, I managed to stay on my feet. Afterward, we went to karaoke. Even though I didn't know most of the songs, seeing everyone having so much fun made me happy too. It was a winter break unlike any I had ever imagined.
Tomorrow is Christmas Day, which makes today Christmas Eve.
"Are you really going?" Mai asked, her voice tinged with concern.
"Yes. I think you should all enjoy Christmas together as a family," I replied.
Mai's father was coming home tonight, just in time for dinner. They were planning to celebrate Christmas as a family, with a more extravagant dinner than usual. But I had decided not to participate. It wasn't because Mai or her family were making me feel unwelcome—they had warmly invited me to join them. It was my own decision to decline.
"Kaya-chan, are you sure you're not just being polite?" Megumi-san asked gently.
"Yeah, you should really stay with us," Mai added, looking at me with pleading eyes.
"I'm not being polite. It's just that I think this is a time for families to be together. I've also been thinking that maybe I should try going home," I lied smoothly.
"I see. But if anything happens, come back right away. We'll keep everything ready for you, so you can come back anytime," Megumi-san said with a warm smile.
"Thank you. Could I leave my belongings here, just in case?"
"Of course. Even if your time away from home comes to an end, take your time returning."
"If anything happens, call me right away. I'll come to get you," Mai insisted.
"I will. I'm off now," I said, turning to leave.
"Take care," they both called after me.
It no longer felt strange to say "I'm off" as I left the house. With only the essentials—my wallet, phone, and a few other items—I stepped out the door.
I had told Mai and Megumi-san that I was going home, but that was a lie. I had no intention of going back. The real reason I left was that I felt I had to. The days I spent with Mai and her family were truly wonderful. I grew closer to Mai, and Megumi-san even said it felt like she had gained another daughter. That made me happy. I wondered how lucky I would be if those days could continue forever.
But deep down, I couldn't stop thinking about it. In the back of my mind, I kept reminding myself that I wasn't really part of their family. Mai and Megumi-san were kind to me, and being around them was comforting, but there was still a part of me that felt like an outsider. I knew they didn't mean to make me feel that way, and maybe they never would, but once the thought crossed my mind, I couldn't shake it. I wasn't part of their family. I didn't belong there during their important family moments. That's why I left.
Or maybe that's just an excuse. Maybe I just didn't want to see it—the kind of family they had. If I saw it, I… I… And that's why I left before it could happen. Before I became something I didn't want to be.
I couldn't stay at Mai's house any longer, but I also couldn't imagine going back to my own home. In fact, when I thought of "home," it was Mai's house that came to mind. So, what should I do now? I decided to head to a café and think about my next steps. Then, an idea came to me.
Right now, I was living at Mai's house as a guest. But what if I made that official? What if I earned my own money and gave it to Megumi-san and her family? Megumi-san had mentioned receiving living expenses, but my parents had probably written me off by now, so there wouldn't be any more money coming. And knowing Megumi-san, she might have lied about receiving the money just to make sure I didn't feel like a burden. But if I could earn my own money and contribute to the household, maybe they would let me stay with them. And maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have to feel this way anymore.
The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea. The only problem was figuring out how to earn money. As a middle school student, I couldn't get a regular job. How could I make money? Then I remembered something a friend had mentioned before—something about getting paid just to have dinner with an older man. I vaguely remembered her telling me to be careful about it, but right now, it seemed like a ray of hope.
With that plan in mind, I decided to act quickly. The sun was already setting, and I figured it would be the right time to find such opportunities. So, I hurried to the nearest entertainment district, thinking that there might be someone there who could help me make it work.
By the time I reached the district, the sun had completely set. The neon lights blazed against the night, giving the area an almost otherworldly feel. It was a different atmosphere from what I was used to, but I steeled myself to follow through with my plan. However, I hesitated, unsure how to approach anyone, and ended up wandering around aimlessly. Just as I finally gathered the courage to speak to a man nearby, I heard a voice call out, "Kaya!"