I ran away from home.
I think I've mentioned it before, but I have an older twin sister. She's always been perfect in everything she does. Naturally, since we're twins, we took the same lessons and were compared constantly. My parents only cared about results, so they showered her with praise, leaving me feeling neglected. Kids are sensitive to that kind of thing, you know? So, I worked really hard to get noticed too. As I got older, that effort focused solely on my studies. I pushed myself and did things I'm not proud of just to surpass my sister, even if only once.
When I finally did it, when I finally outperformed her, my parents praised me like never before. I felt so happy, like all my hard work had finally paid off. After that, I didn't stop trying; in fact, I worked even harder. But in the end, I couldn't beat her again, and she took all the love from my parents with her.
That's when I broke inside. I realized I couldn't keep going anymore. I stopped trying and found myself lost, unsure of what to do. The only thing that still brought me any joy was playing the piano.
Then, Mai started talking to me, bringing me out into the world. Every day was filled with new experiences, and it was so much fun. Sure, I got scolded sometimes, but it wasn't as painful as before. I think I became stronger.
But then, today, my father found out about everything and told me I wasn't allowed to see my friends anymore. When I refused, he told me to leave, so I ran away. But I want you to know, Mai, that I wasn't kicked out. I left of my own will. I'm stronger now.
As I talked, things started to make sense in my mind. I had left out the part about the loops because I didn't think anyone would believe me, but reflecting on everything helped me understand my own feelings. That's right, I'm stronger now. I'm not crying, and I'm not even thinking about dying.
I finished speaking, feeling a strange sense of clarity. Mai had listened to me the entire time without interrupting.
"That's why I'm okay. If anything, I feel refreshed, like a weight has been lifted. I just needed a place to sort myself out, but now I'm—"
Before I could finish, she hugged me. It seems like Mai is always hugging me. I'm so used to it now that it doesn't surprise me anymore.
"What's wrong, Mai? Why are you hugging me out of the blue? Are you hurt or something?"
To my shock, Mai was crying. She wouldn't answer my questions, just continued to silently weep, tears streaming down her face. I didn't know how to comfort her. In the end, I gently hugged her back, repeating "It's okay" while rubbing her back.
When she finally calmed down, she let go, and I prepared to ask her what was wrong. But she spoke first.
"I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine. This is just the reverse of what happened before, right? You comforted me when I was crying, so I'm just returning the favor."
She shook her head, saying, "That's part of it, but not really. I'm sorry I didn't notice."
"Notice what? And are you sure you're not hurt? I'm glad you're okay."
"No, it's not okay. Nothing about this is okay."
"Mai?"
Her face turned serious, and she fell silent, deep in thought. I decided not to interrupt her. I said I'd check on the laundry and started to leave the room when she stopped me.
"Wait."
"Is something wrong?"
"Kaya, what are you going to do now?"
"I don't plan to go back home. I'd like to keep going to school, though. I want to hang out with everyone again. That's why I left home."
"I see… Do you have somewhere to go?"
"Not really, but I'm sure I can find somewhere. I can go a few days without food if I have to."
"Then why don't you stay here? At least until you figure things out or feel ready to go back."
I had a feeling she might say that. Mai's a kind person, always looking out for others, so it's no surprise she'd offer to help. I had just come to terms with relying on my friends, but this felt like too much. I had already used her bath and sorted out my feelings. Anything more would be overstepping.
"I can't impose on you any more than I already have."
But Mai wouldn't hear it. "Just stay until you've figured things out. You can wear my uniform, and it'll be fine. Besides, I'd be worried if you left. You're a bit sheltered, you know? My mom won't mind; I'll convince her. It's settled then. So, what do you want to do until she gets home? She should be back soon. How about we play a game while we wait?"
Before I knew it, the conversation was over, and my fate was sealed. I figured her mom would likely object, and when she did, I'd leave. By then, the laundry should be done too. So, while we waited for her mom to return, I played games with Mai, savoring this rare moment of peace.