Lisa's POV
What was I thinking!
I just kissed a man, for no good reason…
The thought of it was sickening, the last thing I wanted was to plague myself with the feeling of love or likeness,I didn't want to like anyone, not at the very least, empathy, sympathy whatever emotion which wasn't hatred was a weakness, and I wasn't weak, I wasn't…
Stuck in my room; it was 3am in the morning, and I had barely caught a glimpse of sleep, I could barely sleep, I feared I would find myself kissing him in my sleep.
I hated myself even more, I hated myself every second that passed by.
I shouldn't have kissed him, it all started when I thought he was cute, there's nothing fine about that tall, well built, fine looking man. Argh! I was too old for this.
I grabbed the pillow, 'it's all in your head, it's all in your head, it's not real, it's not real'
A mantra I had sung to myself for so long, but it never failed. It wasn't real, I didn't like him, I hated him because he was creepy, and I hated him because he kissed me. I hated him for making me let my guard down.
I hated myself even more.
•••
It was finally morning, I had only an hour and thirty minutes sleep, and I felt more energetic than ever. I had filled myself with so many words of encouragement to feel weak. I was going to oversee the renovation of the house I had just rented.
The day was going to be hectic. I had called the interior designer, who would be putting things in place for my children, and also the necessary touches. It wasn't much and it was going to take at least twenty hours of steady work.
The children were in place, they were going to have fun at the kiddies bar down the hotel, and Steph had taken the liberty to take them, which was nice.
While me on the other hand had to meet up with the workers at the house.
I had sent out the designs for their bed, and it was already brought to the house. Jose, my interior designer, had assured me that she was going to give me exactly all I wanted, but I would feel useless having to sit at home, and do absolutely nothing.
Mostly because I had to keep my mind busy with external work, else I would run mad.
Five hours into working, a notification bell ran on my phone.
Sender: Ivar: 'You look nice today'
My heart skipped a beat, how does he know I look nice!
I searched for him everywhere in the house but he wasn't there. Then I peeked through the window, just to find his car packed outside.
"Shit"
I began to descend down the stairs in a hurry. The house belongs to me now, he wasn't supposed to come into the house.
Furiously walking towards him, I knocked on his window.
"Hey!, wind down!"
He did just that, a smile rested on his face the moment the glass pulled down.
"What are you doing there Ivar, you shouldn't be here, and you know it, so why are you here! Don't piss me off I will file a restraining order against you,"
His brow furrowed like he was confused.
"Oh okay, I got you this, you forgot your purse and I knew you would be here so I got it for you" he said then handed it to me, words got stuck in my mouth, I didn't realize…
"Uhm thanks"
"It's fine" he said, then ignited his engines.
"Sorry for intruding in your property Lisa, it wasn't my intention to piss you off"
Now I feel bad.
"I was…"
"Not it's fine, I understand, and I also got you this, I know it's old school and you have no use for it, but maybe you could give it to your kids, or something" he brought out a box of chocolate then gave it to me.
I took it, it was coated in a dark box, very pretty and well decorated.
The word . 'IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN' was written on it, my eyes narrowed back to him.
"Sorry about yesterday, I was carried away by my emotions,"
He kept on apologizing like I didn't kiss him back.
"Me too, I am sorry,"
The silence between us was awkward, but I knew deep within me that I didn't want him to leave, I wanted to have him around, somehow. So I invited him in, to see my children's room.
It was the first word that came to mind so I said it, and he accepted.
It was a large room, and unlike most twins who had bunk beds, my girls would be having one bed, which would be separated.
Half of the room would be painted a certain color, with its own closet and different aesthetics, while the other would be designed a certain way. It was going to be a surprise, I had only thought about it when I came to New york.
"Wow, this is really beautiful," he complimented.
"I believe being a boys dad is the best, I don't get to pass through the struggles of preference, I wonder what it would be like having a daughter, I could already imagine the glitter," he said
"It's like having a junior sister, that's all, I bet having a boy is similar"
"Nah, it's not, it's comfortable, but not too comfortable, it's a little bit of everything"
"Nice"
We walked down to the kitchen, my eyes roamed around the interiors.
The conversation went on and on, and before we knew it we were seated on the patio, talking about funny scenarios that had happened in our lives over the years till we lost track of time.
It was 7 in the evening and most of the work was gone already, all that was left was cleaning the debris off the house and we were set to move it.
The workers were already out of the building, but I stayed with Ivar, he was a chatterbox.
"So that was how I got the scar on my eye" he concluded, my ribs were already hurting from laughing, I could not hold it in, and when I finally did, I caught him staring at me
"Your smile, it's very beautiful" he complimented
I flushed, while doing the old move of tucking an invisible hair strand behind my ear.
"Thanks" I whispered, my throat ran dry, as I looked up at him, that electrifying feeling was back, I needed to avoid it by any means.
I stood up to leave. And he stood up as well.
"Uhm, I believe it's time to leave!, I have something to plan for tomorrow and my babies would be back by now "
"Oh yes yes"
We made it to the door at the same time, dramatically bumping into each other.
"Oh shit"
He moved aside, "I am sorry I was just"
"No no, it's fine"
We started laughing all over again.
"Okay this is silly, let's get this straight, you are a fine lady Lisa, and you make me nervous,"
I didn't know how to react to actually making anyone nervous, but I knew I felt the same.
"Ever since I saw you staring at me at the bar, I got nervous so I left, but I wanted to talk to you because I wasn't going to chicken out on the opportunity of talking to a fine lady, but you kicked me in the balls, and it was just a sign to back off, not until I saw your request to get the house"
I was stunned.
"I thought I was the only one that was nervous,"
"You were"
"Yes I was"
Silence prevailed again and everything went still, I took note of his lips again, I wanted to kiss him so hard this time around, and with the way he pulled closer I could tell he felt the same.
And just like desperate teenagers we were fondling each other as we kissed vigorously.
"Fuck this is bad" I moaned.
"We can't continue like this," he responded.
I forked his hair with my fingers, unable to let him go.
"We need to stop" I moaned, I felt my thighs moist with desperation, I wanted to have sex with him.
"This minute"
My back against the wall, he pulled out, hunger settled in our eyes as we stared at each other.
I could not let this opportunity pass me by.
"Just this one time then it's over"