Looking back on it all, I never really took medication seriously in fear that my medication would just make me docile and let my mom run rampant on any/all money that I might make. Truly my medication became important to me along with my own health, I was flat-footed And gaining back pains along with the worry that everyone was out to get me constantly was running through my head and even the fact that my porn addiction was coming back full force which had been a serious problem for me for years on end sense when I was taking the medication I was able to control it and handle myself much better but when I don't take it for a good amount of time the urge to watch porn / masturbation came in like a free train through a tunnel. Leading to me not only giving into dating sites religiously but also trying to get in contact with the prostitute that I met at the hospital which turned out to be just another scam in my life. I just wanted my money and not anything else because truly my medication truly was needed. Truly was up shits creek without a paddle while life was screwing me up the ass without any lube. Luckily, I was able to not only get my medication but get out of that crazy house and away from my stepfather plus my mom as I felt like she had gotten better but her mindset still has cracks in it that extremely needs improving. The only thing that I was going to miss was seeing my sister all the time and her dog Queen who was like my niece who I love taking care of but feared that she was going to poop all over the place because of her fatty eating habits of wanting food that we eat. Regardless, Queen was indeed the closest thing currently to a niece and made me feel like an uncle. Truly it was hard living on my own especially in North Carolina where nobody really knew me or wanted to get to know me because this was my first year there it was like seeing a stranger walking to a western movie, The only thing missing was being told "We don't take kindly to your type around here son." or the typical high noon gun fight along with the added tumbleweed. Yeah I watched way too many movies with my grandfather to save my life hahahaha…. Don't get me wrong I miss being able to be in New York and spending time with my grandparents. It's just the fact that it was becoming way too violent, in the words of Tommy Lister Jr.; "Too much damn violence in the hood". Anyways when the holidays picked up that's when things got really fun where many people were very jolly and generous when it came to giving away treats, food, heck even liquor. I had become so well-known that people started to know who I was in the hospital and remembered me even after leaving so I could definitely say I made a name for myself in a way, however I still didn't feel good enough. I still have that feeling where people are laughing at me behind my back because for one I was chubby and could barely move a stretcher, let alone a bed without gasping for air with every trip. My weight was going from 223 to 232 as if it was a measuring stick just going back-and-forth, over and over. I wanted to do something about it but was afraid that nothing was going to change, even when I had my medication I knew that things had to change for me so I could evolve into a better version of myself as I didn't want to be the Shemp of old who is blaming everyone for my mistakes, the Shemp of new taking on every challenge head on is what I'm craving. Thinking smarter than harder, trying to succeed, surpassing all expectations. However, I still was having these troubles especially when I started actually going on a date with someone in November which led to me not only trying gummy's for the first time in my life but having to go into the hospital to get the content out of my system. Honestly certain things that I should have never done as I literally nearly overdosed on gummies that had straight up weed in them so in other terms I was seeing the cosmos like Cheech and Chong. Truly an embarrassing moment where I went from just going to the movies to going shopping then finally taking gummy's just to get laid. Once they kicked in I felt my body and mind going into overdrive when it came to my anxiety since I didn't have my medication on me so yeah I was on a full on high. Before I knew it, I was not only waking up and throwing up in a garbage can but finding myself on a gurney being in the hospital but to make matters worse it was my job…. A weird moment indeed and I hope to never experience something like that again since after all me and the girl did not last long it only lasted about four days at best while she only bought movie tickets that only costed about 62 maybe $50 well I cashed out about $500 for clothes medicine for her and other things that would make my dad shake his head and call me a sucker for love so yeah, definitely time for a change. I decided that I'd do better at my job and not put myself into a situation like that again, besides I had a medical bill to pay for that was going to cost me $89 throughout the entire year. Even though that was gonna be very hard to do I was looking forward to the challenge. Truly, 2023 was not perfect, not in the slightest, however it's what you do with a year that makes it special as I was going through more regrowth than anything else and I appreciate the fact that I not only was growing as a person but meeting a lot of people within my job as a Patient Transporter….
Gar ~ Out of all the people that I've met in North Carolina so far, Gar reminded me of a mix of my father & my grandfather since he helps me out when I truly need it, trying to see me succeed Beyond expectations, especially whenever I want to give up on myself Gar would pick me up and tell me to get my head out of my ass. This guy would even pick me up from home so that I don't have to either waste too much money or have to overwork myself. Even though I love my grandfather, I sometimes envy Gar's children as much as his grandchildren because he is definitely an amazing person who has the angels backing him even with his temper that isn't as big as Jamie's but stable enough for me to handle. He picks me up every day and takes me to work as I am definitely grateful. What more can I ask for when it comes down to listening to good rock music, including metal from time to time.
Tano ~ Definitely a chill dude that I would love to share a slice of pizza with as he reminds me of my favorite uncle Mars who would do TMNT Thursdays with me, my brother and cousin Justice. Definitely has me thinking / missing certain family members that didn't make it pass Covid…. Anyways, the funny thing about him is whenever he really needs your help he will make a face almost like he's trying to give puppy dog eyes which literally has me trying to hold back my laughter. Literally every time I walk into the office he will always be that guy that makes me think about Bob Marley because of his dreadlocks or Kofi Kingston. Don't let the dreads in his hair fool you, Tano is very sneaky especially when he has a smile on his face which means that something devious is going on.
Aries ~ Indeed she definitely surprises me. If she is not playing animal crossing or dancing to music, Aries is either eating something good or on her grind as she is an amazing worker if I do say so. You can't help but smile when she's smiling along with she has this or around her that's just straight up positivity. Not to mention she is beautiful and her beauty just shows with her work ethic.
Mei ~ She's an amazing worker and an awesome coworker, she has everyone the best she can but even when it seems like she doesn't wanna talk or converse eightI could never not want to help her out just to make her smile. Honestly Mei is beautiful as she isn't too busty or looking like a complete Instagram model as she is perfect just the way she is.
BBJ AKA Big Baller Jon ~ Even though he doesn't come from the same borough as I do, BBJ has that New York flow to him that makes me think that he would make great money as a DJ or even someone that could run a business with his qualifications. Definitely a ladies man as much as he just has his own flow. Literally he has the looks of a mix of Asher and Drake all rolled into one Bad Bunny. Anyway, we see each other. We just give ourselves a handshake or he calls me the Super-Heart, Super, Or just my name Shemp.
Marq~ Honestly if I had to give this guy a nickname he would be called The Original Bro of the hospital that I work at. Nobody really has anything bad to say about Marq as he just keeps to himself and does the job perfectly without any complaints. If he doesn't do something wrong he tries to correct it, he looks out for his fellow man and fellow brotha.
Eris ~ Honestly, there is a lot that I wanna go over when it comes to Eris because I definitely have to explain. I honestly called her when it came to my over the phone interview and when I heard her voice I thought she was a mature black woman but seeing her was honestly a surprise because definitely Eris is a mature woman but she is far from what I thought she was. Compared to how she sounded over the phone. But don't get it twisted, Eris' soul is blacker than Beyoncé & Lil Kim, hell even blacker than Janet Jackson & Tina Turner. But definitely, when it came down to learning and understanding, Eris didn't give me those motherly figure vibes, more like a mentor who was teaching me how to do the job right. In fact, when I was in Upstate, New York, there was a woman who was training me for the outside world in the way of a job coach/life coach certain things and helping me get ahead in life. From internships to job interviews which definitely helped me out in the long run. That lady wasn't one to bullshit me or give me any excuses, she was very direct and if I was to step out of line she would not hold back in the slightest by yelling at me for not doing my job which is what I expect from my boss and not just give me excuses to why I am getting a strike or if I am not doing my job fast enough! Eris actually gives me reasons why I need to step things up which is what I appreciate the most. Her wanting results, not excuses it's all I ever ask for along with a little bit of appreciation from time to time, but not all the time.. Out of all the women that I've met in my life, I can say Eris is the baddest bitch walking this state as she deserves that title with flying colors. Soooo if you ever decide to be a patient transporter and she's your boss, I'll advise you to give her the respect that she rightfully deserves because she honestly has the BEST work ethic and wants to see you doing better than average every single day. I've been in workplaces where it is sexist or abusive to those with mental disability but she treats everyone like a person which is definitely admirable of her as much as it is adorable whenever she's talking about her rabbit. I feel like I'm always learning something new in the company and it feels nice having Eris as my boss. P.S. out of all my bosses she has to be in my top five favorite.
Nia ~ Sometimes she's cold and sometimes she's sweet but in all honesty she's just right. Nia is adorable when she wants to be and would raise Hell when she's angry. Don't get on her bad side as the ghetto will come out along with the southern rage of 1000 outlaws. If you don't believe me try for yourself but don't say that I didn't warn you.
Kai ~ Is the type of guy that you would invite to the movies or to an event but will probably stand you up, however Kai would help you out if you need something done at work.
Jade ~ Honestly, she's really nice, there's never a moment where she's not saying hello or letting me have even a short conversation with her. She is kind of respectful to the patient or also she is true to herself as well. Truly a wonderful human being that thinks of others who she cares about and has the most pleasant smile. Don't get me wrong she has a boyfriend and he's truly lucky to have her but if it wasn't the case then maybe….
They know who they are and they know how I feel about them so I'm gonna keep it at that and keep everything limited to their own imagination. That goes double for those in PACU, Ultrasound, MRI, Main CT, EDCT, along with all the other floors in the hospital. Honestly, however, there is one person that I just can't put my finger on or ignore just because of her presents alone but I'll get to her in a month. Honestly, there hasn't been a person that doesn't know about me when it comes down to me either blitzing through the hallways or running to get to a patient but regardless I am happy to get some recognition even if it's small. Some people might think that I'm scary or threatening because I'm tall but it's mainly because of the fact that I'm either tired or drowsy, sometimes it's just my tired eyes that make me look annoyed or bothered when that's not the case at all (Unless I'm not on my medication, in that case then I would just be anxious.). But that's beside the point, all I can say is that before 2024 it had been an amazing year with hopes of going on vacation or even going to a convention but the more that I started thinking was the more that I realized what I needed to do to improve myself as a person along with as a man…. Oh~ crap crumbs, I really was NOT gonna like this….. Work has been, well work. Working as a patient transporter is like working on a treadmill for eight hours straight with only a 35 minute break and sometimes not a break at all. A vacation would be so nice right now and honestly, I was planning on going on vacation with my pops, he is known for the vacation spots from Tahiti to Florida. If there's a beach Beau has probably been to that spot just to relax with shades on his head plus an alcoholic drink in one hand, more times than not a beautiful woman by his side that appeared or tagged along. You can see why my dad has the player of the year award every single year he goes out on vacation. I don't hold it against him like I did before taking my medication because honestly now I have a more respect for him because you have to think how much money did my dad have to save just to become the man that he is today? My envy from before has turned into admiration while for my mom my anger has turned into pity. You're probably wondering, hasn't my dad taken me on vacations? If I said that my dad didn't take me on vacations that would be a full-fledged to lie where he took me on more vacations than my mom and it's kind of discouraging from how many times he has paid child support to how many times the money for me went to not only me but to my other siblings well also to my moms lineup because my mom doesn't know that Dad told me how much he sent her and how much she cared about me. Not only has he taken me to Florida 12 times compared to the one time my mom took me and my siblings to Florida but he also took me to the Dominican Republic (my favorite place), one of the Virgin Islands, Jamaica, The Bahamas in the form of a cruise heck I even count the fact that he even took me to New Jersey & a restaurant that how do you cook your own meat like I have seen in many animes and movies with kung fu. I want to improve as a man so that not only will I be able to say that I did my best but also went above and beyond when I was at my worst. Especially since I want to do something for my dad for at least one year on his birthday so that when he comes to see me (whenever that will be) so I can surprise him and give him a birthday to remember. Anyways, enough of this mushy stuff, I noticed my habits of either watching porn or reading smut which made me begin to feel dirty and pathetic, compared to before when I felt relieved and satisfied. Something needed to change and that change started at the end of January where I went on a full on diet. Trust me it was not an easy diet to go on and it was not an easy way to go about it either as I went on a keto diet for 4 weeks (It felt like six months). I lost about 20 to 10 pounds of weight by going on the treadmill every morning along with lifting weights every day trying to get myself into the best shape that I could without eating any junk food or going off of my diet. To the point where my clothes were literally slipping off of me as if I was wearing baggy clothes, when in reality these were the clothes that I wore all this time without problem. Even my work clothes felt light on me and my body began to adjust and adapt. The last time I weighed myself I was 201 pounds but I still felt it wasn't good enough since my weight is 187 pounds which is good for my height of 6 foot 1. My routine every day was simple:
100 push-ups
100 sit ups
100 squats (8:00AM to 10:00 AM)
Go to the gym & work out for an hour or two (10 AM to 11 am or 12 pm)
Come back home to eat and shower so I would be ready for work.
Doing this three or four times a week gave me the happiness that I needed while eating fruits and vegetables well, mostly dining on chicken. The crazy thing is I only cook when I want to, not when people ask me to unless it's for a good reason. Ironically enough, the food would more than likely not turn out the way that they want it to be because it wouldn't be similar to the first time. I'm one to experiment and change things up from time to time. Heck I even brought some dishes that I was cooking to work to show others that I had good genetic culinary skills. You heard me right, it is genetically put in my DNA to cook since all of my family members (on my father's side & mom's side) know how to cook, especially if they try. Truly I feel accomplished, even though I was in the right shape that I should be in. Even though I was close to the radar line, I still felt it wasn't good enough. I wanted to be in the best shape of my life and the best weight line of my life too. After that I started to go back to my old habits by eating Chinese Food and other delivered foods but at the same time staying in my new habit of eating healthy foods that would help me become a better man…. Especially for her….. Anyway, I feel like a new man and have been getting some luxe from ladies apparently and it really does make me feel special. However I don't feel the same way as I used to in the hospital where I would intentionally flirt with nurses since, now all I feel is what they are, just nurses. People like you and me who have their pros and cons, likes and dislikes, wants and needs… No one strikes my fancy or makes me want them on an emotional level….Until one day….It was Sunday…
February 25, 2024….