"I prefer golden."
She pouted, "Fine, golden is unphantomably better than black or red."
"Those are my house's colors," I rolled my eyes, because I don't wear it because I love them but out of respect for those I lost. If I had to pick three colors to wear, I would pick black, navy blue, and silver, they suit me a lot more. They all assume the gemstone of my family is ruby because of our eyes, but I prefer diamond over rubies, but again, it's not about what I want, not about what I like, it's not even about me, it's about keeping the memory of the Mortimer alive, not mattering if I don't have the money to buy new clothes.
Honestly, I think the last time I bought clothes to myself was 96 years ago, when I bought six black and red dresses, three black shirts, two black pants, five pairs of underwear, two sleeping dresses, and a pair of boots a number smaller, all sixth-handled and two centuries old already, in a thrift store at the outskirts of Crims'On, in what the high society considers the black market. I use the clothes until this day, they are worn out, but at least I bought them. It was either buying new clothes or barely eating and paying rent, priorities came first, I still have more clothes than many people in the other realms, I can't complain about that.
"Yes, but you can use something else sometime," she groaned.
"I don't have anything else, Justine," I mocked self-deprecatingly.
She swallowed, looking away from me and they didn't look so happy now as they were a minute ago, probably because she's rich, shops monthly on the most expensive boutiques of Crims'On, has a closet that is easily six times bigger than my bedroom, and she's materialistic, so she keeps on collecting clothes even if she doesn't use it, she doesn't donate, even less gives me anything other than the heels she gave me back then. I wouldn't fit her clothes either way, she is healthy is has way more body than me right now, I barely eat so I'm skinny and shorter than her, I still have curves somehow but I'm all sharp edges and deep crevices, while she's fuller.
My genetics say I should be fuller too, and I was back when I was a teen still in the boarding school and being feed more than I've been in the last 90 years. But as I got less and less money, things got more and more expensive, and I ate less each time, I lost weight and muscles and everything. I doubt I'll even be sold that well given how I look ugly and disgusting right now, sure, my features are still very characteristic of my bloodline, but I don't look youthful, I look… dead.
For all that matters, I feel dead. I should have been killed with my family, that's what pisses me off the most about the Emperor, he not only made a genocide in my household, as he knew I was watching, and even then, he refused to kill me. Fuck, I don't care if I was the only child there or not, he should have killed me, but no, he made me suffer, all of this misery would have been avoided had I died then.
Instead of dying once when I die, I'll be dying twice, because the innocent and kind-hearted me who was a dreamed died that night, and I've been dying a bit more every day. In fact, I don't even think I'll be sold for more than 1 billion, as soon as they take a look at me, I doubt any of them will bother to bid higher, they won't judge me worthy, because I'm not physically appealing at all, I understood that a long time ago. Maybe my family lied to me as a child and I've never been beautiful at all, or that beauty died with them and now I'm rotten inside and out.
I hate my eyes. I hate red, it reminds me of the blood that was splattered everywhere in our castle, it reminds me of watching the masked Emperor slaughter my parents, of watching his reaping their heads of their bodies with his bare hands, of him reaping my older brother's jugular with his fucking teeth, of how he looked happy bathing in the blood of my loved ones, with no care in the world like a bloody psychopath. It reminds me of how I'm also a monster with blood in my hands.
My eyes remind me of my family, we had the same eyes, eyes that he all but crushed with his own thumbs as he was crushing my older sister's skull. I had just turned 5 years old exactly 6 days before he did that, not even a week, and I've never told anyone my birthday because I absolutely loathe it and all the memories it brings. But nothing hits worse than the vivid nightmares, I am haunted by them even when I'm awake, nightmares of the terror he put me through and of what I did both when I fell into despair after the Emperor teleported away and I ended up alone and destroying what was left of my family and of all the inside furniture, and what I did when I went berserk decades ago.
Bouncing my head, feeling sicker with myself, I forced my tired body to stand up and walked into the kitchen, then I drank a glass of water. When I turned to the mated couple in the living room, they were looking at me, something similar to worry blooming in their eyes. In all honesty, they are probably more worried that the most wanted product of their auction, me, is defective than about myself, and I can't even blame them, I am defective.
"You should warn your mamma about the deal you just made, sunny boy," I said as I washed the glass I drank water from. "When do I have to leave?"
"My mom told me to do whatever I had to get you, I was actually open to going as far as slicing the price half to half and giving you 50%," he said anxiously. "So, she'll be fine with 25%, since it'll mean you will be taking part in it."
Well, now I feel like a fool and that annoys me, but alright, let's not he so greedy, I don't think I'll be a billionaire, but I'll be a millionaire for sure, at least I'm guaranteed to get 250 million mahjs, which is enough to live well for thousands of years for me, and it'll mean the person who gets me will be rich. Unless he uses up all his money to get me, which would make me richer, and it would actually be a ridiculous outcome. But again, given how bloody unlucky I am, I wouldn't even be surprised if that happened.
"And when do I leave?" I asked again.
"The other nine girls will be there in 4 days, you can choose now or then."
"If I leave now, where will I stay?" I crossed my arms over my chest.
"Our hotel, the Auction happens in there, the girls stay in floor 65."
Of course they have a hotel.