Effects on life
I never thought,
That after all and everything that has happened in the past,
When i loved someone so much,
I couldn't stay without them,
I gave them my everything but,
They still chose to leave me alone in a dark tunnel of life,
Ever since then I have been scared,
Scared to fall in love, with no matter whom,
I am scared that the history might repeat itself,
I am scared,
Because I don't want to feel that type of pain again,
I can never forget,
When I was standing there,
In a room which had no ending and not even a little glimpse of any kind of light,
I was standing there,
Asking myself, "what did I do?"
Even thought I knew I didn't do anything,
I was feeling guilty, without making any mistake,
The person I loved the most,
Who (maybe) also loved me equal,
How did he change like that in just some months?
I still remember how sweet and genuine he was,
He respected me so much,
And maybe that's the reason I fell for him too,
But where did my sweet little boy go?
Maybe a strong blow of wind took him away or maybe some other person,
They say, "when people find someone new, they usually leave you",
And he proved it to me,
When I opened that one post of him, holding hands with another girl,
"Pretty cool", I said,
While my heart shattered down into a million of pieces in a blink,
I never had a nightmare of that day before but when it came infront of my eyes,
I could not believe what I saw,
I started questioning my love, my loyality, my care and my existence,
I asked, "is that the result of giving someone my everything?",
Or "is that even love"?,
And how easily he,
Made it seem like it was all my fault,
And I hurted him,
But what about me?
Whenever he said he is jealous,
I would stop doing that thing, no matter what that is,
But why didn't he do the same?,
He said I hurted him,
Like if I never cried for him till I could not breathe any longer,
Till the moon would set,
Till the quite world would become noisy,
Till I felt dead.
He said he hates me,
Even when he knows, it was never my fault,
But i still can not hate him, being hindered percent sure,
That my life got ruined, all because of him,
I still can not stop loving him,
All the broken pieces of my heart,
Still loves him life the day one,
Then suddenly,
I started remembering,
Every night,
Every day,
Every hour,
How badly he humiliated me,
That one word (swear word basically) he said to me,
Keeps echoing in my mind,
And somehow,
This situation or feelings, which I don't understand,
Makes me hate him, slowly and slowly,
The way he left me alone,
When I needed him the most,
When I was on my worst days,
He made my worst days even more terrible,
When I recall those things he said,
To me, about another girl,
While knowing that that damn things hurted me, burned me,
He hurted me intentionally,
Not one, not twice,
But again and again,
He still keeps doing that,
And maybe, just maybe,
That's how I am losing feelings,
I am losing interest,
My love is gone,
Very far, very safe,
And I like it this way,
Far from him,
It's nice.
I stopped believing in love,
After all and eveything,
I didn't knew anymore what love was,
I was scared to fall in love,
I still am,
I don't know,
I don't understand,
Who is fake and who is real,
People changed in a blink,
They can just ruin you,
And act like nothing ever happened,
They can steal everything from you,
Your precious smile,
Your happiness,
Your comfort,
Your confidence,
Your trust,
And just eveything..
But they still see it like a minor issue,
Not knowing that the person who is handeling all this bullshit all alone,
They are dying,
Inside they are getting colder,
And colder,
Until they do not care anymore,
Not about anything or anyone,
And I am afraid,
I might be one of them.