Once, in a very long time,
There used to be a little girl,
Me,
I used to have a lots of interests,
In various types of things, hobbies and people,
My comfort place was bigger and safe,
But now,
I don't see that part of me,
Anywhere, anymore,
Maybe I lost it in the dark scary tunnels of life,
Or maybe I left it all alone with the time.
No matter what is was,
But this change and changed me too,
From the person with thousands different interests,
To only some of them,
Which are also very different from the old one,
I don't know the meaning of comfort anymore,
Either I forgot it,
Or maybe time made me a stranger to it.
And,
I don't like it this way,
I don't want to grow any older,
I wanted to stay young,
The sweet and kind little girl which I was,
She is now gone,
Very far from everyone, even my own self,
There is no glimpse of her anywhere,
Even if i try to find her,
I always fail,
I hate how I have become,
Rude, arrogant and heartless,
Who has a giant demon in her head, and in her soul,
And has so self confidence anymore,
She has not been happy, in a very long time,
It's been deadly for her,
And she has mastered at faking her smile.
She loved people around her and the outside world,
She loved the school,
She used to dream of living in a big city,
That little girl wanted to be close with everyone she met,
She used to get so excited about every small and big things,
She wished to be among her close ones,
She used to be so sweet and nice,
Oh I still remember,
How she used to get loved and cared,
And how badly that little girl wanted to grow older,
But, now that I am grown up,
That spark which I used to carry, with me, in my eyes,
Is now just gone, very far from here,
She hates being around someone,
She finds herself in peace when she is alone,
She hates nothing more than school,
Now she lives in a city she dreamed of, but she just want to escape this and live a life at the countryside,
That smile that she used to hold, and spread among others,
All those interests and love,
The kindness,
Every excitements,
Are very far from her and her mind.
This new me is just very different,
From who I used to be,
I am never excited about anything,
I happen to show everyone that I am happy and fine,
But I am completely opposite from fine and happy,
My spark is gone,
My trust and my love took it away from me,
It turned me into this person who I never wanted to be,
Who I have always hated,
I wait everyday, every moment,
For a incident,
That would bring the old me back to me.
I still can not believe,
That I lost myself,
I don't know who and what made me like this,
That's why I blame myself, for everything,
Even while I know that it's not my fault,
I don't know who is close anymore,
Cause everyone person who I thought was close,
Has abandoned me,
I don't know what trust is,
Now,
I just try to escape from everything,
Also the reality and the truth,
I try to run away from myself, this life and this cruel world,
But they come after me, chasing me every single time,
They keep haunting me,
Until I stop.
I try to keep myself up,
With the support is poetries, arts and books,
But the devil inside my head,
It keeps recalling every bad memories,
Which were worse than a nightmare,
I keep myself safe, with the voice and lyrics of some artists,
But somehow those lyrics and voices, seems to make my heart burst into tears,
Maybe cause I relate a little too much with the lyrics,
I am lost in this maze,
Full of monsters and devils,
Actually, I am stuck in here,
I just wish to get out of here,
And run away somewhere far from this world.
I am amazed,
How things can change someone so badly,
Hoe things and people can make someone hate themselves,
How cruel this world actually is,
I want myself back,
T want to be happy again,
I am tired of eveything and this life,
I am just tired,
That little girl in me, I need her back,
I can not keep going on like this,
It has already killed the best version,
And I am still drowning,
More and more, deeper and deeper,
I lost all my good memories,
They vanished from my mind,
Just like the girl,
Nobody remembers her anymore,
But I still see some glimpse of her,
In the back of my mind,
This keeps getting harder and harder,
God, take me away,
Of give me myself back, please,
Cause, it's getting heavier.