It's 4 a.m.,
I can't turn my head down,
Tried to fall asleep,
But maybe sleep no more wants me,
My head starts to hurt,
Eyes starts to burn,
Tears start to roll down my cheeks,
And heart starts to ache,
How do I help it?
I can not do anything,
My room is darker than the sky,
Not even a single light can pass through it,
I can not see my shadow,
But I can't close my eyes either,
That's when,
I cry to god,
To make me fall asleep and never wake me again,
Is it a good wish,
Will everyone stop saying,
"You should at least try",
Without knowing i am giving my eveything while trying.
Its 4 a.m.,
I can not stop thinking,
About everyone and also eveything,
There is so meaning,
To turn my lights off,
Cause,
My brain doesn't want to switch off,
Even when the sun is about to rise,
I wish I could go back in time,
That healed time,
When I had no difficulties sleeping at 9 p.m.,
That time,
When I used to have good dreams,
That time,
When I had not even a single thought while would lay down on my bed,
Oh dear time,
Can you please take me back?
To the world of mine,
Which was hard but yet peaceful,
This new hour,
It's killing me inside,
It's rotting my brain.
It's 4 a.m.,
The house is dark,
I can no more see,
Mom and dad sleeping,
While I,
I write down everything I can't share,
All the pain and gain,
I urge to turn it into poetry,
I want to tell my parents,
That I can not sleep,
But I know their answer,
And dear,
I don't want my heat to break again,
Its not my fault,
That I can't be normal,
It's just me,
In a very unique way,
Which is quite difficult to understand,
But if anyone ever does,
They will definitely love me the way I am,
And see the beauty in me.
It's 4 a.m.,
My thoughts are getting wilder,
Sometimes it's about someone,
Sometimes it's about a thriller movie,
Either a embarrassing thing I ever did,
Or the pain anyone gave me,
No matter what it is,
Once my brain recalls it,
Then even my brain can't help it to get away again,
Is it a sickness,
Or just a dark phase of life,
I don't know what it is,
But god,
This phase seems to be very difficult,
Sonner I will get dark circles,
And my parents will blame me again,
How do i prepare myself,
For the same shit again?
Its 4 a.m.,
My feelings get unstoppable,
I get bad feelings,
Some really very bad ones,
It's maybe to harm myself,
Or to cry my heart out,
What do I do?
Both of them hurts as equal,
I am beginning to stop sleeping,
Am I even a human anymore?
I don't feel any pain,
I feel like I lost eveything,
Even though I have everything,
Is it so hard to have just one good day in life?,
And one peaceful night?,
Or,
Do I need to end my life to get the leave I want?
It's 5 a.m.,
I tried again,
And I finally fell asleep,
After the sun hit it's ray on the window in my room,
After the birds start singing the morning vocals,
After my parents woke up,
After the world starts to get louder,
After the dark sky turns into blue,
After the moon dies to let sun be alive,
After some people went to their works,
After a scary stormy, life - taking night,
I finally tasted the sweetness of sleep.
It's 9 a.m.,
The world woke me up,
Without knowing I was already dead,
And my eyes couldn't stay shut,
Even after I died.