"You know?" my father spoke behind me. I didn't even jump. I was too fixated on the TV and my own feelings. "Yes", I replied tears running down my face but I didn't make another sound. He knelt down and gave me a hug. He then turned off the TV and made me a warm glass of honey milk. He sometimes did this if we had trouble sleeping. We sat in silence while drinking and I quietly went to bed. I lay there crying silently all night. Why them? Who would do such a thing? As most teens do when experiencing great loss, I thought of what could have been even though I knew in my heart that it wouldn't change a thing.
The next day passed with a blur. I was able to sleep early in the morning when I finally passed out. I slept till late in the afternoon. As I woke, it was strange, the sun looked all wrong. I was still fuzzy and slowly looked at my phone, it was 3 pm. What? I ran to the twin's room to see if they were still alive but they were nowhere to be seen. I ran to the kitchen where my father was drinking a cup of coffee and reading the paper. "Where?" I began panting mostly due to panic. "Afternoon", my father said calmly, "The twins are with Gran and Grandad, I sent them over there this morning. I thought the rest of us needed some sleep and they were invited to a pool party with the rest of your cousins." "Thank you", I said calmer now. "You were invited too but when I saw you snoring so loudly and laying like a starfish, I decided to leave you there", he said smiling a barely-there smile. I didn't mind being left out of the fun today, I was just glad for the sleep. "How's Mum?" I asked as I poured a cup of coffee for myself. "A donut day", Dad said. My mom only bought or ate donuts when she was upset or her favorite TV show ended and she would usually share them with Auntie Amanda who would be just as upset about the same thing. I wanted to go to my Mother but I knew to give her space right now and that she would come out when she was ready to face the world again. Dad and I made plans for the rest of the week, the twins would stay with Gran and Grandad for a few days and we split the cooking and chores between the two of us so that nothing would pile up for Mum. I must say, my Father is a very considerate man.
On Monday I went to school, wanting as much normalcy as I could possibly get. I wasn't very talkative in class and I might as well not have been there because I didn't take in any information at all. The other children were speculating about what happened and who did it. As they do and there were some wild accusations and theories running around by lunchtime. I wasn't listening, I kept my head down and hoped not to be noticed. Mary and I made our way to the library and since it was Monday, I knew James would provide some distraction. I took out the book I intended to read this weekend and just placed it in the return box. It wasn't happening today, I will try again later. James came in skipping and looked excited, not like the rest of the gloomy school with their fears, and theories. He pulled out his chair and almost fell off as soon as he went to sit down. Yup, he had another story for me.
"Nuh-uh, not today." I heard Mary say from next to me. "James, I think you are great but Violet and I need a serious talk, girl talk, can whatever it is you want to tell wait till tomorrow?" she asked. She wasn't trying to be mean even though it sometimes came across as rude. "Sure", James said skipping right out the door. Guess it didn't phase him. I looked over at Mary, she had been so quiet these last few weeks, what gives? Does she have a new crush or boyfriend or is she going to make fun of me? "Ok, spill", she said to me in the sternest voice she could fathom. "I don't know what you are talking about", I bluffed. She looked at me as though I was crazy "Even your resting bitch face is full of saddy sadness." She carried on. "What is going on? I'm worried", she continued.
I struggled to find the words, my heart was filled with sadness. How could I say aloud how I was feeling? Ease into it? Rip it off quickly like a band-aid? She was staring intently at me and I couldn't contain myself anymore so I let all of my grief and sadness flow freely. I told her that I knew the woman who was murdered and the positive impact she had on the twins and myself. She was like a second mother and we loved her dearly. By the end of it, we were both crying. She gave me the longest hug. I hadn't cried so much in years.
I vaguely heard the bell ring and we got up and tried our best to make ourselves more presentable, well as much as we could without a mirror and tissues. Mary leaned toward me and gave me a small smile. "Let's go shopping", she said softly. I half smiled back, knowing this always made her feel better. If you were wondering what types of clothing stores we would be exploring, you have the wrong shopping trip in mind. You see we were going shopping for more books and we definitely had to stop at a coffee shop, that was our kind of therapy.