"So when were you planning to tell me that you're moving?"
Ruelle, smiled awkwardly as she placed her tea cup on the table and tried to avoid answering the question as much as she could. She looked up, and stared into the eyes of her closet friend and boyfriend, James.
She pushed back a strand of her hair behind her ear and blushed. "I was going to tell you soon enough."
"You were?"
"Most definitely."
He titled his head and frowned at her, looking both pissed and annoyed. "So tell me why I had to hear it from El not to mention that you've been ignoring my calls? I'm even suprised you agreed to come to this cafe with me."
Ruelle bit her lips, stoping herself from cussing loudly. Why had Eloise, meddled in a business that obviously wasn't her concern. She scoffed as she thought of her sister's mischievous face, she obviously did it for the thrill.
"I'm sorry, but a lot has been going on right now so-"
He raised his hand, cutting her off. "A lot? By a lot you mean that you're transferring, moving to another state entirely and possibly cutting off contact with me?"
Yes! Every inch of her body wanted to shout in affirmation. It wasn't as though he was lying about anything. That was exactly what she had planned to do, to walk away like she always did.
"It's complicated Jamie."
"Then make it uncomplicated."
Ruelle, remained silent as she battled within herself. Should she tell him the truth, or should she lie? Which would hurt him less? Obviously the lie but it would give him hope, and she didn't want that.
Ruelle looked at the guy that she has been dating for the past 2 years and smiled sadly. How was she ever going to tell him that she never loved him, that it was merely a thing of convenience?
He had been there for her, comforted her and helped her but yet, she still saw him as nothing but a friend. How was she ever going to tell him that she, had only agreed to date him out of pity and inexperience?
The truth, she was going to tell him the truth.
Ruelle, bowed down her head and gripped the edges of her sweater. "I'm sorry." She said awkwardly. She was a coward and, couldn't bear to look him in the eyes.
"Fuck, Ruelle don't do this-"
"Forgive me-"
"Just stop."
"It's for the best."
James, released a scream, like an animal caught in a trap and he slammed his hands on the table, drawing attention from everyone in the cafe to them.
"What the fuck Ruelle!"
Ruelle, looked up, pushing down the building anger. "Calm down, you're drawing unnecessary attention."
"Unnecessary attention? What do you possibly mean?! You treat me like this and expect me to be calm?"
"Just calm down."
"I'm fucking calm!!"
"Shut up for a second James and stop being a child! Calm down and let's talk like adults. Not because I tolerate a lot of things, means that I'll be a pushover or gives you the right to be rude!" Ruelle, bursted out with a stern voice and though she were scolding a child.
James, looked at her in the eyes and when he realized that he had already lost her, he sat back and closed his eyes. "you're breaking up with me aren't you?"
"Yes, I am" She affirmed.
He laughed sadly, fighting back the building tears. "So you're just going to throw 2 years down the drain?"
"I won't Jamie, I'll never forget the memories we made together?"
"Is this another one if your lies?"
Ruelle, paused, to think and shook her head, she was going to be honest. "No, I'm not lying."
Jamie, sat up and opened his tear filled eyes. "I guess this is goodbye then."
Ruelle, nodded, pushing back any emotion that she felt. Why didn't she love him? Why didn't she feel the same way? Why was she more confused than sad?
"And yet, you still look as beautiful and composed as ever. My beautiful Raven." He continued.
Ruelle, smiled sadly. Yes, now she knew why she couldn't love him. He did not know her. He had merely fallen in love with a version that he created in his head. The version of a dark haired beauty that was soft-spoken but, she was anything but that. Her hair wasn't even dark to begin with.
"I wish you happiness Jamie and, that you'll meet the person that truly deserves you" She whispered.
"Save me that sob story, it doesn't sound nice coming from you."
Jamie, stood up and picked his jacket that was on the chair. "I hope you don't expect me to pay for the drinks? You dumped me afterall."
Ruelle chuckled and held her cup. "It's the least I can do, a goodbye gift."
Jamie, turned to walk away but paused. "I have a question Ruelle, and I want you to answer me truthfully."
"I will."
"Did you ever love me, even for a moment?"
Ruelle, looked inside the tea cup and stared at her reflection. The memories of them, laughing, crying and kissing came pouring in with much force than she expected.
She sipped her tea once more and looked at him, with clarity and sincerity.
"Never for once."
***
Ruelle clutched her bag as she walked down her street, emassed in her thoughts. As she got closer to her house, she smiled sadly.
The building where they had lived for the past twenty years, still looked as wretched as ever. Rundown, old and incomplete but, it was still home.
Memories, came into her mind of when they were little and, she smiled as she remembered them.
When she was still a child, her and El always looked through the windows, waiting for their mother to come back home in the night.
She remembered the times they had sat outside hungry and, decided to beg passer-by's for money. A teenager, had one time, dropped some shells in their money container instead of coins. Ruelle and Eloise, were both pissed and planned to gang up to beat him but the plan fell through.
They were beaten to literal pulp that day.
She could also vividly remember when they were almost chased out of the little house by the house owner because they didn't pay the rent. They had no where to go and their mother had gone on a business trip. Both of them spent the night in the street. It was a horrifying experience.
That night, a drunken man saw them as he was passing and mistook them as his children. He tried to drag Ruelle away but El stopped him. He punched Eloise, over and over again for her to release him but, she held on tighter, screaming;
"Let go of my sister! Let go of my sister!"
Ruelle, manged to free herself and she picked up the glass bottle he had dropped on the floor and smashed it on his knee. He felt down, screaming and Ruelle, picked up the broken glass and kept stabbing his leg until he lost consciousness.
She had carried her sister's bleeding body with what little strength she had and went from door to door, begging for help but, no one helped them, they were left to die.
When the sun had risen and El gained consciousness, Ruelle got up and told El that she was going to come back. El was reluctant initially and feared that she would leave her but Ruelle promised to be back.
Fourteen year old Ruelle, walked down the street until she came to a famous alley where she knew illicit activities went on. She stopped when she was in front of a brothel and she entered inside. Smoke and tobacco filled the air and just beside her, a man and a woman, laid on the floor making love. Ruelle was horrified at what she saw but they paid no heed to her. She also, decided to ignore them and ventured deep inside.
That day, she requested to see the owner of the brothel. A thin woman that had too much make-up on attended to her.
"What is a child like you doing here?" The woman said in shock
Young Ruelle squeezed her hand before she looked at the woman. "I need money."
"Child, this place isn't for beggers, be gone" The woman told her dismissively.
"I'm not a begger, I'm here to find work."
"This isn't a charity center."
"I know exactly what this place is." Ruelle said with more determination.
The woman, became silent and tapped her finger on the table as she stared at the young child that looked malnourished.
"You are here to sell your body for money?" The woman said at last.
Young Ruelle, flinched at the word the woman said but she was right, that was why she was here, to sell her body for money. She had no other choice. No one will give a young child a legit job and if the state were to find out, they would separate her from her sister. This was the only way they could be together.
"Yes, that is why I'm here." she whispered.
The woman shook her head sadly as she observed her. What kind of life did this child live that would draw her into making this kind of decision?
"You have made up your mind?"
"Yes, I have."
"So be it, you have laid this bed, so you will lie on it."
That night, Ruelle lost her innocence to a wealthy old rich man. He paid her a huge sum of money and left her. The owner of the brothel, felt pity for her and gave her more money before sending her off. She was able to pay up her rent with what she made from, her body.
She limped back home with her sister and cried once they closed the door. Their mother came back three weeks later and they swore to never tell her what had happened to them while she was gone in other for her to not hate herself.
Ruelle, was broken, used and discarded. That was her life, her reality. She had stopped wishing there was any hope for her, that there was a future for her. The only reason she kept living was for the sake of her sister. The undying love she had for her sister was what kept her from slipping from the edge.
She stopped walking when she reached the front door but before she could open it, El came out.
"Rue, I was about to call you but I guess you beat me to it. So our aunt came earlier today so I've packed all our things in her trunk and we're leaving now. " She said in one breath.
"Now? That's too sudden."
"I know, my exact thoughts but she said we're out of time and we must leave today. Everything is packed, so just enter the car while I lock up the door."
Ruelle, looked to the right and saw a red truck and a woman sat at the driver's seat, staring at them.
"Is that our aunt?" she said as she looked at El, placing the key under the mat for the house owner.
"Yes it is. Now that's done, let's go, no time for goodbyes." El said as she walked past her sister, to the car.
Ruelle, looked back one last time at their old house and the street, before she looked forward and began walking.
It was better this way, to walk away without goodbyes. She had no attachment to anyone after all and the last one that she had, was servered this morning. No one was going to remember her, she was going to leave the same way she came, unknown.
Ruelle, walked towards the future, letting go of the past.
For some reason, she felt that the life that as she once known was coming to an end. And the past, was going to be her future.
****