I don't recall the days when there was a shred of happiness, nor a hint of excitement. When I was young there were often days when I would stare at the fields of flowers that passed by the car window. The endless petals that flowed with the wind, the same flowers that would wilt during autumns end.

My days as a child were full of mystery and curiosity.

As I grew older, I tried to move these same feelings into the world around me. I would pick up the pen and write poetry as I was hoping to capture that same fleeting feeling.

Days would turn into weeks as the blank page remained blank.

Eventually, I got married and had children. I grew up quite normally, but never escaped the feeling that gnawed at my soul.

I once thought that perhaps things would have been different if I held myself to my beliefs, or if I even began to wonder what my beliefs were.

My world was everything that was seen, or rather my mind only placed importance on what was right in front of me, but often there were few strangers who passed me on the crowded streets of Shanghai that would remind me of those flower fields.

The feeling would remind me of an isolated world among countless others, much like those fields of flowers.

As time passed, I had hoped to piece together this mystery as to why my pages of poems remained blank, while it seems others never had enough room to write their words.

I grew old and my children became adults. They had good jobs that contributed to society; my daughter, the eldest, became a doctor. Her black hair was the most eye-catching as time passed, growing from the alluring black into deep darkness with streaks of grey.

My son was a politician, my pride and joy came from his bigger than life perspective. He often came to have tea and discuss the greatness in the future. His black hair never wavering into those grey streaks. His voice was sturdy and resolute, as if he as read the underlying meaning of the world and decided to write his own future.

Through these two children I lived another life.

It seemed to me that one was resolute in writing their chapters in life and contributing to the greater good, while the other was happy laying down on the flower fields as wind brushed by.

As I laid down on my bed thinking of life, for the last time, I subtly found the reason why those pages of poetry had remained empty.

I observed but never decided to wander.

I was never resolute.

In these final breaths of time, I had realized that I had given up on my dreams and lost my smile.

I didn't have any regrets; my children would carry on as they had chosen to enter those fields of flowers.

"Father rest easy knowing that both Liann and I have grown well because of you".

"My son, you have always given me life. In my last breath I am glad to see the sun hit your face. To not shed a tear for me but for your sister as she has lost her father. You are…also…"

"Loved…"

The space of that last breath filled the air.

The doctor nearby broke this silence to say, "my condolences young master, I have seen many good men leave but it seems as if death finds those worth keeping around".

As those words finished and expelled the old man's final breath, the sun peeking through the window shined extra bright on the lifeless face.

It seemed as if the sun took away his life and brought it closer to heaven.

Many epochs of darkness and silence filled the old mans soul as it washed away into the river of time. Often, he would recollect and think of his life as if it was the only show on TV, constantly repeating.

Sometimes he would cry, other times he would watch in amazement, often times he would yell.

"You fool! How can you let that once in a lifetime opportunity pass you by!"

After seeing and reliving his life countless times, his soul no longer reacted.

"I finally understand now. Not only did I not cherish every opportunity given to me, I also never had a direction in life to begin with. I stood and allowed the wind to blow me every which way. Never did I decide to go against it and walk my own path."

"Oh god, after so many years why do you keep me here? Have I not learned my lesson?"

The old man's soul was but a whisp in the darkness and with no response he slowly lost patience.

"I get it! No one is here! I am here to lament my past and what?

…no one or nothing

…If only I had the chance to live life again"

As his life repeated countless times, he once again saw the same bright light that would repeat itself again and again. This time seemed the same, but this time a sliver of gold lingered in the white light that blinded him.

"No matter how many times I see my life it doesn't change things now. I am resolute…."

This time the old man's soul did not repeat the third person like show but instead placed him in the eyes of another.

In a pool of lifeless bodies, one gathered the strength to rise.

The armor on him was tattered with blood and grime. It resembled a phoenix covered in blood and dirt. The surroundings of metal clashing and yells filled his ears.

"Lou Ben!"

"Grab the message and run! Only you can save this mission from being a failure"

An older gentleman clashing swords with another threw a green jade like slip towards the man rising from the countless bodies.

"Lou Ben!"

"Snap out of it and head North. Our base is not far. It's not too late to finish this."

As the old man yelled at the expressionless man standing in the middle of the bodies, an explosion bloomed in the middle of the two.

*BOOM

"kekeke this your resolution? This good for nothing? Even if there was no Dao master he would not live against our mortal fighters."

A man clothed in dark robes licked his lips and teased the older man as he threw a red crystal at the expressionless boy.

"Lou Ben!"

"You need to run!"

The older gentleman felt as if time had stopped, and his heartbeat filled the air.

At this time the expressionless boy finally smiled.

"hahaha"

"I'm alive!"

Lou Ben raised his arm in the air and threw the jade slip that was passed to him by the older man towards the red crystal so that it bounced off and was thrown back towards the sinister and dark robed man.

*BOOM

Body parts littered the sky and blood rained down on them.

For a moment there was silence as the explosion was large and dealt a huge blow to the enemies.

In the midst of the blood rain was Lou Ben raising his head high and arms wailing in the sky to proclaim life once again.

"Thank you, God!"

"Another chance at life!"

At this time a tattered and half torn body crawled toward the middle of the blood rain spoke.

"Lou Ben, grab the jade slip and run. This is your chance…forest…run"

It was the same man that was yelling Lou Ben's name and holding off the enemies. He was hit by the explosion and was at his last breath.

Lou Ben saw this and opened his eyes. He was shocked, but because of the large explosion and death-defying trick, his adrenaline was running rampant. He didn't think, he only did what he was told.

He grabbed the jade slip that was on the perimeter of the falling limbs and ran.

*hu hu hu

Lou Ben was running out of air as he ran.

The older man that was half torn from the explosion slowly left the sight of Lou Ben as he entered the thicket of trees not far from the battlefield he was in.

As he grew more and more tired from running, he tripped on a dead log and caught his breath.

"What… is happening… I'm alive, I can feel it. It's not the same as before. It's not the same as watching my life over again. I'm alive. I can feel the blood rushing and injuries yelling in pain."

Lou Ben was sitting on the floor behind the log that tripped him as he was recollecting his thoughts.

"I can't believe I survived that. My body just acted and without a thought I grabbed the jade item and ran. This must be a joke. I reincarnated in the middle of a battle?"

Lou Ben breathing heavy as a smile appeared among the dirty and blood-filled face, like a light house in the dark sea. His smile was radiating life.