The big plan flops
After school, Shayna, Dawn, Carlizza and I met at Shayna
's house to put our
big plan in action. During prep, Dawn and I squeezed some time out, decorating a
few posters and placing them on corridors that we were sure June won
't find.
You see the plan is simply like this.
We'd get a few cute boys to try out their luck with June. We arranged for
a little space at Shayna's enormous backyard, placed a few chairs and had
carlizza cook up some treats. Then we'd interview the guys and pray that we
find June's perfect match. We didn't really expect much and of course we
didn't tell June but the turnout was massive. From my sign up list there were
like twenty boys waiting for the interview.
"Boy that's a lot" Shayna said, gasping at the massive turnout. Dawn turned to
me, nervous.
"Are you sure about this Summer? Will June go on with the plan?"
"Of course she would! Oh well, she doesn't have to know that we're doing this
till we pick the best" I said happily in a bid to hide my fears. June's a pretty
shy person. How would she take it all in?
"I'm calling June in now" Announced carlizza, breaking into my train of
thoughts. The receiver clicked on and carlizza placed it on loud speaker.
"We're having a little celebration party at Shayna's. Could you come over?"
Carlizza said. June yawned. She sounded strained.
"Really? What's the party all about?"
"Just a little homecoming power party. To keep us in on the goal"
"Alright then. When should I come?"
"Let's say in an hour"
"That long? Anyway, that's better. I actually have a music project to finish"
"Take all your time. See ya!" The phone clicked off and I took a deep breath.
"Alright then. Here goes nothing" We walked into the crowd and gathered the
boys round.
"June's on her way here and mind you, you better be on your best behavior.
June's pretty itchy and uptight when it comes to boys" except for one Cameron
Williams. We shared the boys into four groups and five for each of us. The
first one walked up to me with a name tag, smilingly sheepishly. He wore a
faded crumpled shirt and baggy trousers that could fit two men two times and
believe me that is no exaggeration. He had ruffled brown hair and wore spooky
glasses.
"Oh boy" I muttered, braving a little smile.
"Hi uh… Franklin Mcwenskie. Please have a seat"
"Thank you"
"So… Describe yourself. What do you like to do? Hobbies? Fave food? Dreams
and all the rest. What makes you feel that you're the perfect match for
June?" He bobbed happily in his seat and flashed me a silly smile. When he
spoke, I discovered that he had the most annoying voice ever. It came out
through his nose like a pathetic whine.
"My hobbies? Well, my hobbies are quite peculiar. I like frogs…" I nearly shot
out of my seat.
"You like frogs?!"
"Yeah. They're cute gummy sticky creatures. My mummy uses them to make
frog cream" He pulled out a slimy little bottle out of his coat pocket "See. I
brought a sample along with me. June can use it on her face. It's perfect for
light-skinned people like you for instance…" While he spoke, I held my throat
tight, thinking happy un-disgusting thoughts.
"I'm sure you'll like to see it"
"No. I think I'm pretty sure I'd like to see you put it back into where you took
it from"
"Wouldn't you like to try…"
"I said keep your whatever right back in!!!" I screeched when he tried to hand
it over to me. He was obviously puzzled at my fear. I was obviously puzzled at
why he wasn't in a shrink yet.
"So making frog cream is your hobby?"
"Yeah" Suddenly his eyes widened so large that I half jumped in fear. "And
once I even tried to make juice out of them "
"What?!!!!"
"Yeah it's my future ambition. You know, we have to make the world aware of
how good frogs are and that's by using them every time life. Frog cream, frog
juice, even frog food…" Ok i think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
"No. The only way we could make the world a better place is by getting people
like you to the shrink"
"Come on! The frog juice was nearly a success. I only needed a little more
slime…"
"Oh my God!" Ok, now I'm gagging
"Amazing right?"
"No! No it's not!! Next!!!"
"What? But I haven't given you my recipe yet…"
"Next please next!"
"Come on! You'll like it. Just have a try…" He said, slipping it out of his pocket.
Three chairs behind me toppled over.
"If…If you don't take that thing out of here, I'll scream rape!"
"Hey that's not true…"
"I don't care! Take that thing out of here"
'' Hey you'
re…"
"Get lost with yourself, your frog cream and juice and your silly name tag" I
paused "why do you even wear one?"
"So I don't get missing. And in case I forget my name"
"God! Get lost!! Next please next!!!" The next guy was Ivan carry, the school
DJ who was quite a handful. All he could talk about was about was the latest
rock song in town and how much he was gonna kiss June and make her happy
with his stupid upcoming hit song. Sincerely, no girl wants to hear that so I
kindly asked him to leave. The next was Ian codger, a nice but tacky guy. He's
quite shy though but at least, he's on my list. The next two were nothing short
but crazy psychos. The first asked me if June liked ants.
"I have a few roasted ones here" He said cheekily, showing me a little wrapped
box filled with sun-fried ants. While I watched him, he took one out and
popped it into his mouth "See?" Ok now sincerely I don't know who's more irked
between the frog guy and Ivan but eating an ant? Isn't that the weirdest thing
ever?
"Um… Next!"
"Come on. Am I on?"
"Certainly not"
"Why?"
"One's cause June's gonna kill you. She belongs to an activist group that fights
for the rights of insects and two, no one eats ants dude! That's like the stone
ages men!!"
"What?"
"Yeah I know that's very weird but that's the truth. That's June for you"
"Well, who cares about silly ants anyway?"
"Oh well you will when June sees you. The last time I said that, June nearly
fried me from the inside out. Like that ant you're eating"
"That's lame"
"It's more reasonable than eating fried ants I mean dude that's messed up! " I
looked up "Next!" He slid off his seat and leaned in "You know, if your friend
doesn't pick me, you can. I mean, I'm always available…"
"Ewww no. The ants need you more. Next!" The next guy was Pat Brewer, the
fattest kid in school. He blabbered for nearly an hour, talking about his
mother and his diapers and things girls should never know about and I seriously
began to wonder if Someone had changed our posters from tall, cute,
handsome, nerdy and fun to short, crazy, weird and fat.
"I saw a few hairs sprouting out of my pits and I was scared. Do you think I'm
a monster?" He began.
"I… uh…" sincerely I can't even get over the trauma of having to answer that
to Danny not to talk of when it comes from a teenager like me. What's his mom
been doing? Feeding him yeast?
"Do you think June's gonna like me with all that hair in some uncomfortable
places like my bum…"
"Ok, ok that's enough"
"No I…"
"Thank you Pat" I said but there was no stopping Pat.
"Is she going to love my hair? I mean when I undress and I see them, I get
very freaked out…"
"Nobody wants to hear about your butt hair! Thank you! You can leave" He left
in a daze crying on the way out. I shook my head in exasperation.
"Why have I got a pack of crazy weirdos?" I looked at my watch and then at
the door. June wasn't here yet. Where could she be? I took one shifty glance
towards carlizza. She was on the fourth boy who seemed to be boring her to
death. In fact, she dozed off with a straw on her lips while the boy went
talking non-stop. Shayna looked exhausted with the slow blabbermouth beside
who seemed to talk about nothing but how great and awesome he was. Dawn
however was the luckiest of us all. She had the most sensible and reasonable
guys on her team. She was still on the third guy and seemed quite happy. Now
and then she laughed out loud, making me jealous. Note to self: Make sure
every guy holds a picture of himself before any match-make in the future. And
his life profile.
She was openly flirting with them. I watched her closely, hoping that she
wasn't planning on falling for any of the guys there. It'd be a terrible disaster
if she did. She's so easy to impress.
Carlizza walked up to me worriedly, looking at her watch.
"June's not here. What's keeping her?"
"I don't know. I just hope she comes"
"Me too…" Just then, the doorbell rang.
"That must be her. I'll go get the door" She said, trotting off. I took one more
sip from my soda, watching June's small figure turn around the door and into
the kitchen. Luckily, Dawn was done with her interviews. I could hear Carlizza
fill a cup of lemonade.
"Just wait here. I'll be right back" She left and ran up to meet me.
"She's waiting!"
"So who do you have on your list Carlizza?" I asked.
"Two guys. Mike shufflers and Stan Burney"
"And I've got one"
"You've got one? Just one? What happened to all four of them?"
"Frogs and ants and madness and hair" Carlizza just stared at me like I was
naked. Suddenly, we laughed and watched Shayna literally bundle a boy out.
She came back, scowling.
"Crazy" She said walking up to meet us "What planet are those guys from?
Mars?"
"The opposite universe of being a boy" Carlizza piped.
"Dawn seems to be having a good time" Shayna said, nodding at dawn who
looked engrossed in a discussion with a cute, tall and gangly boy.
"I think all the guys in her team are perfect" I said "By the way, June is here"
"She is?"
"Yeah. She's in the kitchen"
"What's up girls!" Dawn said, jumping in on us. Shayna shook, startled and Dawn
laughed out loud.
"Scaredy cat!" She sneered, beaming "How was your interview cause mine was
amazing!"
"Terrible" Carlizza said.
"Horrible" Shayna said.
"Hilarious" I said, laughing out loud "Seems like we three got the crazies on
the team"
"How many's on your team Dawn?" Carlizza asked.
"Four"
"Amazing. What happened to one?"
"He's a nice guy but he's too nerdy for my liking"
"For June's liking dawn. Remember?"
"Yeah whatever"
"Lucky you" Carlizza said "I've got two slightly reasonable guys" suddenly, the
door leading from the kitchen creaked open and June walked in, surprised. She
stared at everyone and then walked up to meet us, ignoring the guys that were
openly ogling at her.
"Um… What's going on here? You didn't tell me you were having boys come
over?" Carlizza looked at me and I shrugged. I hadn't really thought about
June's involvement in the whole thing.
"Oh hi June" I managed to say, grinning toothily. June wasn't obviously buying
it. She looked at me and then at the boys.
"What's going on here? Why are they here?"
"Um…" I grabbed her hand and led her to the boys. "I'll answer your questions
but now, you should talk to these guys. They're getting a little bored"
"What boys? Why should I talk to them? What's going on?"
"Don't ask any questions June. I'll explain it all to you later" Then I turned to
the boys "Here guys! Here's June"
''Oooooh!" They cheered like silly little birds.
"She's even prettier than I thought"
"Come on June don't stand and stare. Let's say hi"
"Not until you tell me what is going on"
"I told you I'll explain later…"
"Hey!" The frog guy said, hopping in from nowhere. He unwrapped the poster
we
'd placed all over the school and placed it in front of her.
"Do you always look like this because I'd like to see you every day" June stared
at the poster in disbelief and read through it. Suddenly the shock gave way to
fury and when she turned to face me, I could practically see fumes pouring out
through her ears.
"What's the meaning of this summer?"
"Believe me June I can explain…"
"Oh I'd love to hear what your explanation will be…"
"Hey June if I ask you to the homecoming will you say yes?" Frog boy
continued. She glared piercingly at him and screamed:
"No! No I won't!! not to you or to anyone here!!! In fact, get out! Get the heck
out of here!! All of you!!!" The boys scrambled out through the open back door,
leaving Carlizza, Dawn, June, Shayna and I in the garden. June looked from me
to the rest, boiling.
"Were you guys trying to matchmake me with those silly bozos?"
"We did it for you June. For the best June..."
"For the best? What best? What did you do that for? Did I tell you that I
needed a date?"
"Well, do you have one?" Dawn sneered, trying to hide the sarcasm in her voice.
June scowled at her and turned back to face me.
"I don't need a date."
"So you're not coming to the homecoming?" Shayna asked.
"No. No I won't and that's not your problem"
"Of course it is!" Carlizza said "We're friends and we can't watch you sit back
and slick at home all because of a jerk!"
"Cameron is not a jerk!"
"Oh yes he is!"
"no he's not!"
"Yes he is!"
"You were literally offering me up for every boy in school…"
"No June…"
"That's the truth isn't it? What do you think I am? A dating reality tv star?
Now the whole world will know that June Mckendrick is single and hopelessly
searching!!!"
"Well if you actually look at it that way then I guess it's kinda true" Shayna
said. June glared at her and I rolled my eyes.
"Like seriously Shay? Goodness" She muttered, stomping her way out.
We looked at one another, distraught.
"What have we done?" Dawn asked.
"I knew this was a very bad idea. June's not really used to matchmaking stuff.
I knew she'd be angry" Shayna piped, grabbing a burger. I looked on quietly,
smiling. I had another idea brewing and this time it was definitely going to
work. I was so confident that it was.
"You seem so happy about this Summer" Dawn said sarcastically "What's the
good news?" I looked up thoughtfully and stroked my chin.
"Oh no" Shayna whispered to Carlizza "She's giving us that I have a great idea
look again"
"I have an idea!" I said.
" No!!!" They hollered.
"Enough of the ideas already! Look at what the first has done already!" Dawn
said.
"No" I said, watching the plan unfold in my mind "This one's different cause
June's not gonna know we're behind it this time"
"And how's that supposed to happen?"
" Just you watch and see"