Shivers ran through my spine as I gulped, followed by a predetermined sigh, confusion, and a lot of emotions, especially anger and pure frustration. I couldn't help it any longer as I shouted, "F— it all, freaking f it all," and threw everything on my desk to the floor.
As if the world were mocking me, the only thing that mattered in my life—a small picture frame, the most important among the few possessions I have—fell off the table due to my negligence, incompetence, and petty issues. But for the first time in my life, none of that mattered. I didn't even think of it at that moment because the only thought that echoed through my mind was, "Catch it," and I did exactly that. As if God pitied my desperate attempts, I succeeded, but in trying to catch the picture frame, I threw myself to the floor, knocking against my desk.
I couldn't care less about the physical pain because it relieved me of my emotional stress and exhaustion. However, my body didn't think so as tears began to fall from my eyes and rolled off my face. What began as a drizzle soon became a stream as I lay on the cold tiled floor due to the pain my body had just endured.
It felt like the break from my emotional exhaustion was over because my heart started to hurt once more. Placing the picture frame on my chest, I continued to shed tears, pitying my current situation and miserable life. When it felt like I no longer had tears to shed, I looked at the picture frame showing my mum and me from eight years ago and finally muttered,
"Mum, today is my birthday. It's finally June 8, and I am now 18, yay!" I said, trying to seem happy but sounding exhausted. "You promised to buy me an 18-layered velvet cake today." I laughed bitterly. "To be honest, I knew you were kidding, but I didn't mind because I was more than satisfied with celebrating it with you and Dad. Did you know that Dad and I kept waiting for you to return, but you never came back? Dad remarried two years ago on this exact day—my birthday!" I exclaimed, feeling both shattered and broken. "It was also the day you disappeared. People keep saying you abandoned us, but deep down, I know it isn't true because you loved us both. Dad and I. You may think Dad doesn't love you anymore, but I still catch him glancing at your portrait. Did you know that Dad still has your wedding frame in the house even though he remarried? He couldn't bear to throw it out, but it's no longer in our former house because we moved. He didn't throw any of your things out; he even put them in the basement of our new house. But I moved out two months ago and started living on campus. Oh, I forgot to tell you, Marie Anne, Dad's new wife, is very nice and loves Dad a lot. She seems sad every time she sees him look at your portrait but always seems to understand us a lot. I have a little sister now. She just turned one last week on Sunday. Our birthdays are relatively close. I've always wondered why people decide to do important things on my birthday. You left on my birthday, but Dad doesn't know that because he went to a business conference that whole month. He returned on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday, but I guess you knew he would be coming since you left before I could even wake up, leaving me alone with a cake and happy birthday decorations with my favorite action figure. Dad came around noon, but the one thing you couldn't give us was yourself. Dad felt broken and couldn't even eat for days, worrying about you and your sudden disappearance. I was in denial, believing you were coming back even after hearing opposing comments from relatives. I guess I still do. People say I've got it good having a loving dad, a nice stepmom, and a cute little sister, but I still feel empty inside. Is it because of your absence? Or is it the bullying I faced in high school that followed me to university because my mum abandoned me? Or maybe it's because of Mrs. Sarah? You know, the lady I told you about last month who was extremely nice to me at my new university? Well, I guess she always had a motive for defending me from bullies because she has been giving me weird looks lately. To be honest, it's scary. At first, I pretended like nothing happened, but when it became too obvious and incredibly awkward, I finally confronted her. She told me about her ill intentions and even dared to say she liked my face. I know I should have confronted her further, but she disgusted me so much that I wanted to puke and immediately ran away. I didn't attend any more classes and left campus, which is why I'm at Dad's house now. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I already told Dad, and he and Marie Anne are on their way to my college to file a complaint against her. Oh, did I forget to tell you it all happened today? Sorry," I said, my voice cracking with tears held back in my eyes as I forced an excited, so-called happy tone from my lips and then smiled. "Anyway, let's forget about all these depressing topics and focus on the bright side. You know, looking at your picture while communicating with you reminds me of the old days when we used to chat about things as the sunset. Even though I mostly talked about ridiculous things like cartoons, you always seemed to listen, and I always listened to you and tried my best to understand what you told me too. Mum," I said, calling out desperately.
"Dad said you named me Lucian, and he named me Brian."
My self-pity stopped when I heard footsteps behind me. I wondered if it was my Dad or Marie Anne behind me but heard an unknown voice which said...…
*End of Chapter *