After class Rena and I spent the next hour working together, the rhythmic sound of our keyboards filling the quiet of the computer lab. It was almost calming, the focused atmosphere driving us to get through our tasks faster than expected.
As we wrapped up, I leaned back, stretching my arms above my head. "That wasn't so bad, right?"
Rena shut down her laptop, a small smile forming on her lips. "Surprisingly, it went smoother than I thought."
I started gathering my things, but a thought tugged at me. I looked over at her, catching her gaze. "You mentioned wanting to talk about something earlier, didn't you?"
For a second, she seemed caught off guard, her cheeks faintly flushing. Then, she nodded. "Yeah, I did. Let's go outside and get some fresh air."
I raised an eyebrow, curious about what was on her mind, but followed her out of the lab without saying much. We walked together to the campus courtyard, the warmth of the sun hitting us as we stepped into the open air. The silence between us was easy, comfortable.
We found a bench, and as soon as we sat down, she turned to me, her tone more serious. "I've been thinking about the Mumbai exchange program."
I frowned slightly, intrigued. "What about it?"
She hesitated, her hands fidgeting in her lap. "I really want to apply, but... I don't know if I can do it alone."
I leaned back, feeling the sun on my face as I squinted against the light. "What's stopping you from applying?"
She sighed, her voice a little shaky. "It's just... a big decision. Mumbai's... it feels huge and overwhelming."
I shrugged, keeping it light. "You'll figure it out. You're smart."
But she didn't seem reassured. I could tell from the way she was looking at me, like she wanted more from me than just casual words.
I yawned, stretching again before glancing at her. "If you're really nervous about it, maybe I'll apply too. Keep you company."
Her eyes widened in surprise. "You'd apply?"
I couldn't help but chuckle. "Only if it's not too much trouble."
"Besides, our teacher was asking me to apply too."
Rena's face lit up. "That's what Sir Patel said to me—'You need this experience.' But I'm still unsure."
I snorted, shaking my head. "Patel always thinks she knows what's best for us."
Rena chuckled, and it warmed my heart. "True, but sometimes she's right."
My gaze drifted away, the weight of her words settling in. "If you're going, I guess it wouldn't be so bad."
Her expression shifted, and I noticed a spark of hope in her eyes. Was I actually considering this?
"Would you really come with me?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
I met her gaze, a hint of a smile creeping onto my lips. "Yes. But don't expect me to be all enthusiastic about it."
As I looked at Rena, a thought nagged at me: Why was I even considering this? Mumbai felt like a hassle, and the exchange program sounded like a lot of work.
Yet there was something about Rena that pulled me in. Maybe I just didn't wanted her to be alone.
My mind started to wander, contemplating the possibilities. A break from my usual routine could be refreshing, and having Rena by my side wouldn't be half bad.
"Besides," I thought to myself, "it's not like I have anything better to do."
Just then, Rena's voice broke through my reverie.
"Ahsan? You okay?"
I snapped back to reality, a lazy smile spreading across my face. "Yeah, I'm good."
Rena's eyes locked onto mine, her voice sincere. "Thank you, Ahsan. Just knowing you'll be there makes me feel better."
My expression softened as I held her gaze. "I'll make sure you're not lost in the chaos," I said, my voice low and reassuring.
She smiled, the tension in her shoulders visibly easing. "I appreciate that."
"By the way, when is the exchange being held?" I asked, trying to shift the conversation to something more practical.
Rena's tone shifted as she replied, "It's still two months away. The two-week program starts in November. We'll be in Mumbai from the 5th to the 19th."
I nodded, my mind racing with calculations. "Plenty of time to wrap up semester work."
As we sat together, the warm sunlight casting a cozy glow around us, I couldn't help but feel the weight of Rena's presence beside me.
"I'm really glad you're coming with me," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
I met her gaze, my eyes crinkling at the corners with a smile. "Why's that?" I asked gently.
Rena hesitated for a moment, her expression shifting as if she had something else on her mind. "Actually, there's something else I need to talk about."
"What is it?" I prompted, genuinely curious and ready to listen.
Rena's heart skipped a beat as she hesitated, unsure if she should reveal her feelings.
"Ahsan, I'm sure you heard me last time when I was drunk, but I want to say it again, sober this time," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
My expression turned curious, a hint of a smile tugging at my lips. "I remember. Go on."
She took a deep breath, her determination evident. "To be honest, I used to find you really annoying. Your laziness drove me crazy, and I thought you never took anything seriously."
I chuckled, unable to deny the truth in her words. "That sounds like me."
"But then college week happened," she continued, her gaze steady. "And I saw a different side of you. You were dedicated, hardworking, and genuinely invested in helping me. That's when my feelings started to shift."
Our eyes locked, and I felt the weight of her confession.
"I began to admire and respect you, not just as a friend, but as a person," she said. "And the more time we spent together, the more I realized my feelings went beyond those. I started to feel... love, or something like it."
Her words hung in the air, and I could feel my heart racing.
"I love how you make me laugh, how you challenge me, and how you're always there for me," Rena continued, her voice trembling. "I love your kindness, your empathy, and your quirks. I love being around you."
I leaned, my voice barely above a whisper. "Rena, I—"
But my thoughts swirled, my conscience prickling at the weight of the moment.
"Calm down, Ashan. She did all she could; she deserves a proper answer." I reminded myself. "Be genuine. Be honest."
"Rena," I began softly, choosing my words carefully. "I really enjoy your company. You're always fun and comfortable to talk to."
Her eyes sparkled with anticipation, hope in her expression.
"I love how we can discuss anything," I continued. "From books to life's absurdities. And if we were together, I know we'd have fun. Sure, we'd have arguments in between, but knowing you, you'd probably just forget about it by the next morning."
Rena's smile faltered, and I sensed the shift as she braced for what I had to say next.
"But," I said, my tone apologetic, "I'm sorry, Rena. I can't return your feelings."
Rena's face fell, disappointment etched on her features.
"Can I ask why?" she asked, her voice trembling, almost breaking.
I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of my words. "I'm selfish, Rena. I can only focus on one person at a time," I explained, my voice steady yet soft. "And... that place is already occupied."
Her eyes widened, the realization hitting her like a cold wave. "Someone else?" she whispered, her voice barely audible.
I nodded, the truth heavy in the air. "There's someone I care deeply about. And despite having no obligation to her, I couldn't bear the thought of hurting her or seeing her cry."
Rena's expression shifted from hope to resignation, and I felt a pang of guilt twist in my gut.
"I see," she said, her voice measured, a brittle calmness that only heightened my remorse.
"I know it's unfair to use someone else as an excuse," I admitted, my guilt intensifying, clawing at my insides. "But... I have to prioritize that relationship, and I couldn't deny it."
She nodded slowly, the acceptance in her gaze cutting deep. "I understand. I appreciate your honesty."
Our eyes locked, a silent understanding passing between us. The tension dissipated, replaced by a bittersweet connection that felt both comforting and painful.
"Hey, Ahsan?" Rena's voice was barely above a whisper, her vulnerability laid bare.
"Yeah?" I turned to her, concern etched on my face, heart racing.
"Can you... leave me alone for some time?" Her eyes were downcast, avoiding mine, as if they carried too much weight.
I hesitated, unsure how to respond. "Please," she added, her voice cracking like glass.
My heart ached, knowing I no longer had the right to stay by her side. "Okay," I said softly, forcing the words out. "I'll be waiting for you at the cafeteria, if that's okay?"
Rena nodded, her gaze still averted. I turned to leave, but as I rounded the corner, an urge to ensure her safety rooted me in place.
I waited behind the building, watching over her from a distance. Ensuring she was safe, even if it wasn't my place to be.
Rena sat alone on the bench, silent sobs escaping her, each one like a knife twisting in my heart.
Minutes passed, the silence between us stretching painfully. I wanted to reach out, to tell her it would be okay, but I had made my choice.
Suddenly, Rena stood up, wiping her tears, her resolve seemingly returning. As she walked away, I quickly made my way to the cafeteria, heart heavy with the weight of what had just transpired.
Rena walked into the cafeteria, looking for me.
I stood by the coffee shop.
"Hey," I greeted, holding out a cup. "Got your favorite coffee."
Rena's eyes met mine, a blend of gratitude and caution flickering within them.
"Thanks," she replied, accepting the cup with a slight nod.
I fell into step beside her. "You okay now?"
Rena nodded, her voice barely above a whisper. "Yeah, I'm fine."
We found their usual corner sitting place and settled in, the familiar surroundings providing a sense of comfort.
My gaze lingered on Rena's face, searching for any signs of distress. "You sure?"
Rena took a sip of her coffee, her eyes avoiding his. "I just need some time to process."
Understanding etched on my features, I nodded, allowing the silence to envelop us as the cafeteria buzzed around us.
As we sipped our coffee, I broke the quiet. "Hey, Rena?"
Rena looked up, her eyes meeting mine.
"I'm really sorry about how things turned out," I said, my tone earnest. "I don't know what to do in this kind of situation, but if there's anything I can do to make up for it..."
"Anything?" she asked, her voice a whisper, a flicker of hope igniting.
I nodded, sincerity shining in my eyes. "Yes."
Rena's smile slowly spread, warmth replacing the earlier sadness. "I'll think about it... Thanks, Ahsan, for trying to care for me."