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Johann Pachelbel's Canon in D Major floated tenderly through the lightly warm air while a soft breeze brushed my in an up-do pinned hair, letting the lose strains tickle my skin as the lovingly fragrance of a million flowers added to the atmosphere.
Alice and Esme had turned the backyard of their home into a fairytale wonderland of tulle, flowers, candles and lights all in white and a discrete violet. It would not surprise me if they had the colour extra mixed together for this day.
Soon Pachelbel's gentle melody morphed into Wagner's traditional march surrounded by a flood of embellishments.
Only seconds later Alice graceful dance down the staircase, looking like a fairytale princess in her blush bridesmaid dress. A brilliant smile touched her perfect lips while her eyes shone with happiness for her brother as she stepped through the French doors into the backyard where the wedding party was waiting.
The nervous but overjoyed bride that had butterflies thundering in her stomach and was scared of tripping over her beyond beautiful, pearl white, floor-length, strapless satinball gown with the beaded embroidery and the beaded bodice pickup, followed only moments later on the arm of her father.
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My heart was racing and my blood rushed behind my ears. A tear fell down my heated cheek while emotions were chocking me with their intensity.
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The bride took one step at a time, keeping perfectly in tune with the slow tempo of the march. At first she didn't lift her eyes off the flat ground until she could hear the murmurs and rustling of the audience. She took a deep breath, gathered her courage and lifted her head looking for the one she was to wed.
Blood coloured her cheeks with a light blush as a nervous but beautiful and joyful smile graced her perfectly glossed, pink lips that were hidden under a delicate, antique and expensive looking veil.
For a brief second, she was distracted by the profusion of white blossoms that hung in garlands from everything around her that wasn't alive, dripping with long lines of white gossamer ribbons.
But she tore her eyes from the bowery canopy and searched across the rows of satin-draped chairs, she halted in her search once more as she noticed that the crowd of faces all focused on her.
She bit the inside of her bottom lip and the butterflies created a tornado inside her belly, causing her to take another deep breath and her face to stretch into a brilliant smile that she couldn't keep off her face.
In front of her was an arch that was overflowing with flowers and gossamer and under the arch stood Angela's father waiting to unite the bride and the groom in the holy estate of matrimony.
Her eyes swayed away from the pastor and there she saw him standing between the man of the cloth and Carlisle.
From the moment her eyes met his depths all she saw was Edward's face; it filled her vision and caused her to glow with happiness.
His eyes were a buttery, burning gold; his perfect face was almost severe with the depth of his emotion. The second he met her awed gaze, he broke into a breathtaking smile of exultation.
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My throat was burning when the air that I had sucked in, because of the human need to fill my lungs with oxygen, past the raw flesh of my wind-pipe.
My heart was screaming with the words it wanted to exclaim into the world but was restrained for doing so.
Not here.
Not now.
Not ever again.
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Impatiently the bride was following the suddenly too slow rhythm of the wedding marsh. Mercifully, the aisle was very short.
And then, at last, at last, she was there.
The handsome groom, Edward, held out his hand. The father of the bride took her hand and, in a symbol as old as the world, placed it in Edward's, in the hand of her future husband.
She touched the cool miracle of his skin, and she was home.
The vows were the simple, traditional words that had been spoken a million times, though never by a couple quite like them.
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My heart bled with feelings that remained unsaid.
The union of the human girl and the century old Vampire signalled an end and a beginning.
Grief filled me for the life that was now forever lost to me. Pain twisted my chest for the family, I loved with all my heart and soul but that would not be part of my life.
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For all the other human guests that attended the wedding ceremony; the small change pastor Weber did as he traded the line "till death do us part" for the more appropriate "as long as we both shall live" would eternally remain without further meaning but I knew the gravity of those words and the hidden promise behind them.
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I mourned the life that was out of my reach. Inside I was crumbling under the anguish that washed over me and the worst was still to come…..
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In that moment, as the minister said his part….
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I held my breath and tensed all the muscles in my body bracing myself, even though I knew it was in vain, for what was to occur.
How much more could I endure before I would perish?
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…..Edward golden pools were shining, triumphant as they were gazing intensely with awe, adoration and undying love at the woman who would be his wife in mere seconds.
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My heart was thundering painfully in my chest, wanting to rip out of my torso while all sounds were tuned out by the rush of my own blood that echoed in my ears.
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"I do," whisper the bride in utter joy.
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My fractured heart cracked and everything around me went into a dead silence until…
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"I do," he vowed.
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The two little words that shattered me beyond repair rang clear and victorious through the air.
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"…..You have pronounced yourselves husband and wife but remember to always be each other's best friend. What – therefore – God has joined together – let no man put asunder." Pastor Weber announced.
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Pain, grief and loss crushed the ruins of my heart into dust and burned my soul.
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"And so, by the power vested in me by the State of Washington and Almighty God, I now pronounce you man and wife – and may your days be good and long upon the earth." Angela's father smiled down at the overjoyed couple that was caught in their own happy, little world.
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While I dreaded what I knew he would say next.
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"You may now kiss the bride."
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Nothingness.
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Loneliness.
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Darkness.
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Anguish.
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Fragments of a shattered heart gone with the wind.
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A soul burned down until all that was left was black ash.
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A scream of anguish that could not escaped because the pain took away her ability to speak.
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The beautiful Vampire's hands reached up to cradle his wife's face, carefully, as if it were as delicate as the white petals swaying above their heads. His love and adoration for the woman standing in front of him was clearly written on his face.
He loved her with all that he was. Living or not the love he held for the girl that had just become his wife and was to join him in eternity was shining in the brightest light and reflected in his amber coloured pools.
He bent his head toward hers, while huge smile was stretching his lips.
"I love you," Anna mouthed before she stretched up on the tips of her toes, throwing her arms bouquet and all around his neck and their lips met.
Cold and hard pressed against warm and soft to finalise the bond they had just made and would last until the end of time…..
%-&-%-&-%
With a scream of terror that boomed out of my throat I jolted out of bed, throwing the covers off my body while my heart thundered painfully in my chest.
Ice cold sweat was running in thick drops down the valley of my spine and dripping off my forehead and tip of my nose and my chin while my entire body was drenched in the cool liquid.
Darkness surrounded me.
I was blind in the dark.
Blood was rushing through my ears.
My body was shaking in horror and pain.
I could not think.
I was not able to breath.
I was lost.
Helpless.
Broken.
The screams tore out of my throat unable to stop alerting everyone that I was struggling for my life.
I had been swallowed by the anguish that twisted my chest.
"Bella! BELLA!" I suddenly heard someone shout my name as my upper arms started to hurt and slowly I noticed that someone was shaking me.
My own trembling was overridden by the exterior shaking of my frame.
The powerful screams ceased slowly until only whimpers of pain left my mouth.
It took me a while to notice that it was Charlie who was sitting with a panicked and concerned expression on his face in front of me.
"Cha…..Dad?"
"Jesus, Bella." He sighed and shook his head.
I looked around and saw my room alit in the soft glow of my lamp.
Suddenly there was only one question on my mind.
"What day is today?" I rushed out as I gripped his under arms in utter fear of the nightmare that I had just endured being real.
I knew my eyes must have been overly bright and my face showing the mess I was but I didn't care.
Charlie's eyes narrowed before he sighed, already used to my insanity.
"April the 20th. Why?"
Relief flooded through me so strong that I fell backwards on the mattress. I exhaled heavily while I felt light-headed with joy and relief.
I started giggling and soon the giggles developed into a hysterical laughter while I was trembling and twisting around on the mattress and in between the sheets. No matter how many times Charlie called my name I was not able to stop laughing like a lunatic.
"I…I'm…..sorry," I panted after what seemed like forever.
While I was desperately trying to suck some air into my lungs I noticed that Charlie was no longer sitting on my bed but was watching me from across the room with a scared and highly worried look on his with age marked face.
"Bells are you…."
"I'm alright, dad. I'm alright," I interrupted him.
He raised an eyebrow at me that clearly told me that he did not believe me but I gave him my best smile and shrugged.
"I'm sorry for waking you, dad," I mumbled and looked around my room until my eyes landed on my clock on my nightstand.
"Errr….dad. It's late…"
He observed me a moment longer before he sighed heavily and shook his head.
I felt bad for worrying him the way I did. He did not deserve to have to endure what I had been putting him through the past couple of months.
"Try to catch some sleep Bells," he grumped while he made his way out of my bedroom, resigned and overwhelmed by my behaviour, and shut the door behind him.
Once he was outside all the relief and joy I felt about the discovery that it had just been a nightmare perished instantly.
The nightmare was still a possibility.
My lungs screamed as that thought crossed my mind.
My heart was twisting painfully in my chest.
I threw myself into my pillow as tears ran down my heated cheeks.
I cried harder when I noticed that there was no cold, hard body to comfort me.
There was no beautiful velvet voice to hum my lullaby.
There were no pianist fingers to play with my hair.
I drenched my pillow with my sorrow and pain.
My body shook with sadness and loss until I had no strength left to let out the tears that wanted to wash the anguish and sadness I felt out of me as new feelings of sorrow were chocking me.
I cried myself into sleep like every night, praying that the one mistake I had committed would not cost me my Edward, our beautiful little girl, my Vampire family and the life that was destined for us.