"It's not working...I mean I've tried to...to feel something, anything and it's not working." Josh said as he sat at the far end of the bed with only his shorts on.

"What's not working?" I asked. Does he have erectile dysfunction, I think to myself.

We were only half way into our foreplay when my 25 year old boyfriend Josh, pulled away with a disappointed look on his face.

He sat silently for several minutes, stealing glances at my naked body sitting across from him on the bed in his mother's bedroom.

I had noticed it before now, whenever we made out, I couldn't feel the bulge Sandra said I'd feel in between his legs. I had thought there was something I wasn't doing right, I mean, he made the necessary sounds and couldn't keep his hands and eyes off me.

He would often whisper the things he "so badly" wanted to do to me when we were alone and so I drove 3 hours all the way from LA to San Diego just to hear him say "it wasn't working?"

"I mean, I don't feel anything, when we touch. I...think, I think it's because..." He stutters.

"You think it's because what?" I asked in an astonishing, low voice.

He bent his head for a while over his hands and then slowly said "I see you as...more like a friend."

We've been dating for a year now, and all these while, I was being a good friend? "Why? It's been a year..."

"Yes!!"He screamed "it's been one hell of a year. I think we rushed this whole thing. And I also think I might have misplaced my feelings."

We did so many video calls, sent pictures, nude and decent, wait!!! I sent him nudes. How did he even feel seeing those? I shouldn't even ask.

I wanted so badly to pull out his big brown eyes or maybe his curled black hair, in fact, I wanted to pull both.

As I watched him sit at the edge of the bed in his SpongeBob underwear, giving a one hour lecture as to why he wasn't able to decide what he wanted for one year, I wondered what would happen to the bucket list I had written earlier.

Naked Sundays, club Fridays, I was even willing to try yoga for his sake. How could I forget, picnic Saturdays.

I slowly pulled the sheets to cover my now shrunken boobs. "Why did you let me drive all the way here then?" I ask, hoping to get some clarity.

"I honestly thought it was because we were so far from each other... and besides, it was kinda your idea to come over, I never bought into it." He replied, rubbing the back of his head.

Oh so now it's "my idea". "I just want to head to bed. I'm cold and tired." I said.

I didn't know what hurt more. The fact that I had sent those embarrassing messages, or the fact that I had to come all the way here for my boyfriend of one year to realize he didn't love me.

Or was it the fact that he had his head buried deep...when reality decided to hit him.

So why did he make those sounds? I had a lot of questions but I couldn't tell them. Somehow, they just won't leave my mouth.

"We should go to bed, I've got work in the morning." I heard him say as he slipped into his pyjamas.

Just how dumb is he? After everything he just said, I'm supposed to be normal, lie next to a "friend" like nothing happened?

"Could you sleep in the living room?" I finally managed to ask.

He stared at me, with his eyes confused and cold. "Amelia, we can sleep together."

"No, I can't." I whispered. "But... You're right. It's no big deal."

"Look, it's cold in the living room and..."

"No. You're right. That was selfish of me to ask." I interrupted "good night." I said and passed him the pillow by the head of the bed and then watched him climb onto it like he didn't just break my tiny heart.

The bed suddenly feels deep, and it was like I was sinking into it. Where exactly did it all go wrong?

We were fine. At least on my end, apparently. Josh and I met at the ice cream shop where I worked.

He had brought his little niece, Zara, over for ice cream when he visited them. And just like the cliché Hollywood stories, we just clicked.

He was the loud, sanguine boy with all the right triceps and biceps. Yeah, he worked out, a lot. Since we stayed in different states and had jobs that required our presence, we would often have video calls, and exchange thousands of chats a day.

He mentioned earlier that he noticed I was in dire need of companionship and that was why he was too afraid to leave.

Whatever happened to cats Josh? You could have just gifted me one and stormed out of my life.

I couldn't take it. For the first time, I felt suffocated. I had to get out.

I grabbed my joggers and big BTS designed polo, I should have stuck to being a fan girl. I paired it with an oversized flip flop I found lying in the corner and with that I was off.

When I came out to the living room, there were loud snores coming from the room. Yeah, he snored.

He was already asleep, legs spread across the bed and his hands in his trouser, I really had poor taste.

But he still looked so...pretty

Placing a hoodie over my head, I went out to God knows where.

I didn't want to go too far from his house because as much as I was angry, I didn't know my way around San Diego and it was almost past 10pm.

After walking for barely two minutes, I broke down on an empty road. I cried so loud, the local dogs started barking.

"Shut up and let me live my life!!" I yelled back at them but it only made them angrier.

"It doesn't work that way momma." A subtle voice spoke from behind.

I turned away to clean the tears that had by that time been mixed with snort. "I'm sorry I bothered you."

"Well, it was either you or my mum and I picked you." He said and the voice drew closer.

Next thing I felt him sit next to me "I didn't say you could sit." I said.

He chuckled "I didn't ask, momma."

By this time, I had cleaned my face enough to look at him. He was striking, with well defined features and long legs stretched in front of him.

"Yeah, take in the view, I'm a work of art momma." Every hint of arrogance finding solace in every word he spoke.

"And you are?"

"As of today, a divorced man..." He replied, and for a brief moment I thought I felt bad for him. "...In need of companionship, and I must say that amidst the wreck on your face, you might serve."

"Serve as what?" I queried.

His demeanor changed almost immediately, he placed my hand on his chest while his snaked around my waist.

"Come now momma,I don't like to repeat my words, I'm quite the impatient one." His baritone voice filled my ears.

This is wrong, what I feel right now is wrong, I thought as I stared at the man in front of me.