Chereads / Eternal Simp: Adventures in awkwardness / Chapter 5 - Chapter 5: Medieval Misadventures

Chapter 5 - Chapter 5: Medieval Misadventures

Jason Blumbley stood on the observation deck of the Starship Endeavor, lost in thought as he gazed out at the stars. The afterglow of their successful mission and his budding fascination with S-3000 filled his mind. But as he stood there, contemplating his next move, he felt the familiar, disorienting pull of the vortex. The stars blurred, the metallic hum of the spaceship faded, and Jason felt himself falling through time and space once more.

When he opened his eyes, Jason found himself lying on a cold, stone floor. He blinked, trying to adjust to the dim light. He was in a medieval dungeon, complete with moss-covered walls and the distant sound of dripping water. Jason groaned and sat up, realizing that his sleek jumpsuit had been replaced by rough, itchy peasant garb.

"Great," he muttered, brushing off the dirt. "Where am I now?"

He stumbled to his feet and made his way out of the dungeon, climbing a spiraling stone staircase. As he emerged into the daylight, Jason found himself in the courtyard of a grand castle. Knights in shining armor were training with swords, and ladies in flowing gowns strolled through the gardens.

Before he could take in his surroundings, a voice boomed from behind him. "You there, peasant! What are you doing out of the dungeons?"

Jason turned to see a burly knight glaring at him, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword. "Uh, I'm not sure," Jason stammered. "I just, uh, woke up here."

The knight raised an eyebrow. "Likely story. Well, you're coming with me. The king will decide your fate."

Jason gulped as he was led through the castle, his mind racing. He had no idea how he had ended up in a medieval kingdom, but he knew he had to find a way to blend in. The knight led him into a grand hall, where the king sat on a magnificent throne, flanked by his advisors.

"Your Majesty," the knight said, bowing deeply. "We found this peasant wandering the castle grounds. He claims he doesn't know how he got here."

The king, a stern-looking man with a bushy beard, studied Jason with curiosity. "Is that so? What is your name, peasant?"

"Jason, Your Majesty," he replied, bowing awkwardly. "Jason Blumbley."

The king's eyes twinkled with amusement. "Well, Jason Blumbley, you seem to be an honest lad. Perhaps there is a place for you in my kingdom. We have need of brave souls to rescue Princess Guinevere from the tower."

Jason's heart skipped a beat. A princess in need of rescue? This sounded like a classic fairytale. Maybe, just maybe, this was his chance to prove himself once again.

"I'll do it, Your Majesty," Jason said, trying to sound confident. "I'll rescue the princess."

The king nodded. "Very well. Prepare yourself, Jason Blumbley. You embark on this quest at dawn."

The next morning, Jason found himself clad in ill-fitting armor, riding a rather stubborn horse towards the enchanted tower where Princess Guinevere was being held captive. He couldn't help but feel a sense of déjà vu, remembering his previous misadventures and hoping this time would be different.

As he approached the tower, Jason dismounted and looked up at the imposing structure. It was surrounded by a moat filled with crocodiles, and the only way across was a rickety wooden bridge.

"Piece of cake," Jason muttered, trying to psych himself up. He took a deep breath and stepped onto the bridge. Halfway across, the bridge creaked ominously, and Jason froze.

"Please don't break, please don't break," he whispered, inching forward. With each step, the bridge swayed more violently. Just as he reached the other side, the bridge gave way, sending Jason sprawling onto the grass.

He lay there for a moment, catching his breath. "So far, so good," he said to himself, trying to stay positive. He got to his feet and approached the tower door. It was locked, of course, but Jason wasn't deterred.

"Alright, think," he muttered, looking around for something to help him break in. He spotted a heavy rock and picked it up, using it to smash the lock. The door creaked open, and Jason stepped inside.

The interior of the tower was dark and musty, with cobwebs hanging from the ceiling. Jason began to climb the spiral staircase, his heart pounding with anticipation. As he reached the top, he saw a wooden door with a small window. He peered through it and saw a beautiful young woman with long, golden hair sitting by the window.

"Princess Guinevere?" he called softly.

The princess turned, her eyes widening in surprise. "Who are you?"

"I'm Jason," he said, fumbling with the door. "I'm here to rescue you."

The princess's face lit up with relief. "Oh, thank you! I've been waiting for someone to come for so long."

Jason finally managed to open the door and stepped inside. "Let's get out of here," he said, offering her his hand.

As they made their way down the stairs, Jason couldn't help but feel a surge of pride. Maybe this time, things would go smoothly. But his optimism was short-lived. As they reached the bottom of the tower, they were confronted by a fierce-looking dragon blocking their path.

"Oh no," Jason whispered, his confidence wavering. "Not a dragon."

The dragon snarled, smoke billowing from its nostrils. Jason stepped in front of the princess, trying to muster his courage. "Stay behind me," he said, his voice trembling.

The dragon lunged, and Jason raised his sword, prepared to fight. But his lack of skill was painfully obvious. His swings were wild and uncontrolled, and the dragon easily dodged his attacks.

"Come on, Jason," he muttered to himself, trying to focus. "You can do this."

The dragon swiped at him with its claws, knocking him off his feet. Jason landed hard, his armor clanging loudly. He struggled to get up, but the dragon was already looming over him, ready to strike.

"Think, Jason, think," he whispered, racking his brain for a solution. Suddenly, he remembered something from his previous life on the Starship Endeavor. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small device he had kept from his time with S-3000—a portable energy shield.

He activated the shield just as the dragon breathed fire, the flames hitting the invisible barrier and dissipating. The dragon roared in frustration, giving Jason a moment to think.

"Princess," he called out, "do you know any way to stop this dragon?"

Guinevere nodded, her eyes wide with fear. "There's a magical staff in the tower that can control it. It's hidden behind a tapestry on the second floor."

Jason groaned, realizing he would have to go back into the tower. "Okay, stay here. I'll get the staff."

He dashed back into the tower, climbing the stairs as fast as he could. He found the tapestry and pulled it aside, revealing a hidden compartment with a glowing staff. He grabbed it and hurried back down, the dragon still raging outside.

"Hold this," he said, handing the shield device to Guinevere. "I'll use the staff."

He stepped forward, holding the staff out in front of him. The dragon turned its attention to him, eyes narrowing. Jason took a deep breath and pointed the staff at the dragon, hoping it would work.

To his amazement, the staff glowed brightly, and the dragon froze in place. Jason waved the staff, and the dragon obediently stepped aside, clearing their path.

"It worked!" Jason exclaimed, feeling a surge of triumph. He turned to Guinevere, who was smiling in relief.

"You did it, Jason," she said, her eyes shining. "You really did it."

Jason grinned, feeling a mix of pride and disbelief. "Let's get out of here."

They made their way back to the castle, where the king and the townspeople greeted them with cheers and applause. Jason couldn't believe it—he had actually succeeded in rescuing the princess.

As they celebrated, Jason found himself standing next to Guinevere, feeling more confident than ever. "I guess this makes me a hero, huh?" he said with a smile.

Guinevere nodded, her eyes twinkling. "You're my hero, Jason."

Just as Jason was about to bask in his success, he felt the familiar pull of the vortex once more. The castle and the celebrating townspeople began to blur and fade, and Jason felt himself being whisked away to his next adventure.

"Here we go again," he muttered, bracing himself for whatever came next.

The vortex of light and sound engulfed him, and Jason felt himself falling through time and space once more.