Jason Blumbley had just about recuperated from his latest medieval disaster when the dizzying swirl of colors and sounds came once again and deposited him. The spinning sensation came to an end, and he landed with a thud on sandy ground. Jason groaned as he blinked against the blazing sun. Looking around, he realized he was in an ancient Egyptian marketplace bustling with all kinds of activities around him. Merchants cried their wares, the scent of exotic spices clung to the air.
Jason looked down at himself and saw that he wore a simple linen tunic, sandals, and a crude belt. He sighed, brushing sand off his clothes. "Great, ancient Egypt. What's next, Atlantis?"
As he roamed around the market, Jason couldn't help but be amazed by the giant pyramids of stone in the distance. The sight of a beautiful lady that sparkled in golden jewelry at one of the stalls took the amazement away. She was strikingly beautiful and radiated her personality to an extent that Jason's heart skipped a beat.
"Who is she?" Jason thought out loud, feeling his face flush. He approached one of the nearby merchants and pointed at the woman. "Excuse me, who is that?"
The merchant eyed him as though he were insane. "That's Nefertiti, the high priestess. She's one of the most powerful women in all of Egypt."
Jason felt his eyes bulge. "High priestess, eh? She's about to meet the high priest of awkward."
Inwardly, steeling himself, Jason made his way over to Nefertiti and addressed her as he did, in what he hoped was a very confident manner. "Uh, hi. I'm Jason," he said, bowing awkwardly. "You must be Nefertiti."
Nefertiti looked at him with mild amusement. "Indeed, I am. And you are?"
"Uh, just a guy, you know, wandering around," Jason stammered. "I, uh, couldn't help but notice how, um, amazing you are."
Nefertiti raised an eyebrow. "Amazing, am I? And what, pray tell, do you find so amazing about me?"
Jason's mind went blank. "Uh, well, your, um, jewelry is really shiny, and your eyes—they're, uh, very eye-like."
Nefertiti laughed softly. "You are an interesting one, Jason. Tell me, what brings you to our marketplace?"
"Uh, just looking for work," Jason said, thinking on his feet. "I'm good with, uh, hieroglyphs and stuff."
Nefertiti's eyes sparkled with interest. "Is that so? We could use someone skilled with hieroglyphs at the temple. Walk with me."
Jason was led by Nefertiti through the busy marketplace and into the grand temple, stone-decorated and filled with carvings of gods. He felt that he must be really lucky: for the first time since landing in this world, he had actually achieved something!
In the enormous room of the temple, Nefertiti took him to a chamber, not well-lit, with wooden shelves lined with ancient scrolls and stone tablets. "This is our archive," she said. "We need someone to help us decipher these texts. Can you do it?"
Jason gulped. "Sure. I'll try," he said, staring at a stone tablet and its hieroglyphs, trying to make any sense out of those symbols. His mind was racing, and he remembered something from a documentary he watched in one of his past lives. He cleared his throat and started speaking, trying to sound knowledgeable.
"That's the symbol for a bird," he said, pointing to a bird-shaped hieroglyph. "And this one means, uh, water."
Nefertiti was looking directly at him, an expression of inscrutable evaluation on her face. "Not bad. You may have some potential, after all. Go on, decipher the rest."
Jason went on to translate the text, sweating profusely with his best guesses. To his surprise, Nefertiti was actually impressed with his work. "You have done well, Jason. You might have more to offer than I initially assumed."
A grin crossed Jason's face as he felt a surge of confidence. "Thanks a lot, Nefertiti. I'll do whatever I can to help."
The days passed, and Jason grew more settled in his work at the temple. He spent his days working on the texts, and then spent his evenings trying, and often failing, to impress Nefertiti with his clumsy attempts at charm.
One evening, Nefertiti invited Jason to join her for a special ceremony at the temple. "We honor the gods in a grand ritual tonight," she said. "It's such an honor to be invited."
Jason nodded, all too eagerly. "I'd be delighted to join."
The temple was filled with people dressed in magnificent robes - worshipers and priests - while Jason simply wore his humble tunic, standing next to Nefertiti's beautiful dress. The ceremony began, and Jason watched with wide eyes as Nefertiti conducted the show with a lot of grace and poise.
Jason moved in. "Nefertiti," he muttered, trying to catch her attention. "You are so beautiful. I mean, I've never seen anything like this."
Nefertiti smiled briefly before turning her attention back to the ceremony. "Thank you, Jason. Now, if you would please remain silent."
And there it was: Jason sat back, feeling like a total jerk. He watched the priests move in with this huge, decorated chest and place it before Nefertiti. She opened the chest, revealing a bright, golden staff.
"This is the Staff of Ra," Nefertiti announced. "With this staff, we can communicate with the gods."
Jason's eyes widened. "That's amazing!"
As the ritual continued, Jason felt a sudden urge to prove himself. He stepped forward, reaching for the staff. "Can I try?"
Nefertiti looked at him in surprise. "You're not trained—"
But it was too late. Jason grabbed the staff, and a blinding light filled the temple. The ground shook, and the worshippers cried out in fear. Jason struggled to hold on as the staff pulsed with energy. "Uh, maybe this was a bad idea," he muttered, feeling the power of the staff surge through him.
Without warning, the staff erupted with a blast of light into the heavens, and up above them, the god Ra appeared in the sky. The worshippers prostrated themselves, and even Nefertiti screamed in horror.
"Who dares invoke me?" thundered the voice of Ra.
Jason's heart was racing. "Uh, hello, Ra. I'm Jason. Sorry to just, um, show up like this."
Ra gazed down at Jason through the brilliant rays of his sunlit eyes. "Jason? You're not worthy to wield the Staff of Ra!"
Jason found himself being dragged up into the air, holding the staff. "Whoa, whoa! Alright, alright! I'll put it back!"
There was one last whip-like motion and the staff let go of Jason; he crumpled to the ground in a heap. The image of Ra dissipated into nothing, and the temple was silent again.
Nefertiti was on her feet at once, making as if to help him up. "Jason, what the hell did you think you were doing?"
Jason twitched, rubbing his sore tailbone. "I dunno. I just wanted to do something. Guess I got carried away."
She shook her head. On her face was an expression where exasperation and wry amusement combined perfectly. "Boy, you really do go from bad to worse, don't you, Jason? But I guess it's the thought that counts, right?"
Jason grinned sheepishly. "So, I'm not fired?"
Nefertiti softly chucked him. "No, Jason, you're not fired. But maybe, from now on, let the summoning of gods be left to the professionals."
Jason nodded, a wave of relief washing over him. "You got it, Nefertiti."
As they were leaving the temple, Jason could not shake the feeling that he had at least accomplished something with all this mayhem he had caused. He had at least managed to impress Nefertiti, in the most awkward way possible.