I mean love , seems like a fiction word , the word you say out of frustration to someone to make him stay with you , but he won't stay ,maybe because he isn't yours , Afterall it is just word I never believed in , it was once , I said it to someone , when I really did not feel anything but he broke my heart when he left me with his ghost haunting me in my dreams , never in my whole life thought I was gonna get hurt like that and by someone i didn't even love but here I am , how ironically , this is why I decided to lead the quiet normal life , in a small library , where it is all silent and peaceful , Afterall I am a lonely miss in my 29 s what is worse gonna happen to me .
...............
: Anna honey I am gonna go home now , are u sure u r alright here on your own .
Me : yes Maggy I am fine , I will close it by 12 am , also my home is near go fast u r late for your gathering.
Maggy : ohhh thanks a lot I am so sorry to leave you all alone in this cold weather really , you should be home with someone now cuddling with someone oh poor you oh why don't you join me , come with me my family are really nice you will love them.
Me : come on Maggi u r gonna be late no more talking go go " I pushed her out of the library before she pushes me into her family gathering "
We waved goodbye and she went away , I heaved down a sigh , finally silence .
Hmmm this police car again , in this frosted weather , the police are active for some time nowadays i wonder .
for a moment i blacked out what brought me was the sound of the engine running , oh the police car , it went away , probably watching some fugitive who knows , and it is really cold i better get inside ,
It was quiet shift , none really entered for long time I almost went sleepy but thanks to my hot coca i am still awake .
It was quite snowy night , no wonder no customer has kicked the door for hours , yet it is supposed to be a weekend all inside their cozy warm homes, getting warmed with family hugs over and over again like every year .
The door opened slowly , quite burly , officer entered while tapping the snow off his shoulder at the doorway giving me deep stare at my eyes , I got stunned idk I think I saw him somewhere those broad shoulders , and this rough jaw line , I felt something in my stomach , idk , I found myself staring at him back , we cant both stare at each other for long , am i suspect now ?
I nervously grabbed a book and started to go through its pages , does he know me , what if he knew why i am here , that made me anxious , if he really knew who i am that would be a problem .....
He slowly approached me with heavy yet slowly steps , something is wrong with me i can feel it , why with every step he steps , I felt like I was skipping a beat or even two i lost count , no don't do it to me now pls pls , painfully i closed my eyes for a moment .
The stepping noise I was hearing now stopped.
his deep voice cut through my thoughts
: you are holding it upside down
I opened my eyes saw him pointing for the book in my hand , i said in astonishment
: what
: the book you are holding it is upside down " then he took it from my hand and and flipped it over and put back into my shaking hands , for a brief moment our hands touched .
: are you cold ?
: what " I was still stunned I knew he felt my frozen skin"
: is "what" all you can say in English ? "a smirk drew over his mouth "
I wasn't shaking from cold though or was i ?
Grab yourself Anna , maybe he is just normal customer , he doesn't know you .
: oh I am sorry , you know I was just a little sleepy , so what can I do for you officer .
I looked at his name tag but letters seemed hazy a little bit
: Kevin , my name is Kevin , yours ..? " he pointed back to me I just stared before looking at his eyes for a moment saying.
: Anna I am Anna .
: oh Anna , very nice name .
I just nodded back , tried to escape looking at his sleepy hazelnut eyes , we spent moments of silence not saying anything . when he just scratched his hair while looking at me without saying anything back.
: so goodnight Anna , nice to meet you .
What WHAT just like this , I watched him walking to the door , he gave me one last look and went away , and i don't think i recall replying back to him .
It was strange enough but it happened , yeah weird seems I am so hopeless with men that I struggled this much with barely burly stranger with just hazelnut eyes , yet they are my favorites now .
I closed the store already , it was snowing again , but it was gentle this time , making me breathing easily , yet somehow it made me laugh when I choked on one what a naughty snow .
I started walking , saw red light from the opposite street , I took few steps forward , it was again this police car , yet I cant see through the glass , Bec there is so little dim light , anyway I am tired better get home soon , seems like the police patrol work all time and everywhere around this small town .
Once I entered home all I could think about while unwrapping the scarf around my neck hmm the color is close to those staring hazelnut eyes , strange , I don't remember thinking about someone since long time , but I gotta to wake up to reality , it is just a normal customer.
I looked around me , and all I saw was this dark home with no one but me , it was cold and bitter , and the street gave me more warmth than it , I picked my phone slowly and scrolled down to see all posting happy pictures with lovers and family and pets , i don't have any pet , too much responsibility i cant take.
Oh dinners seems delicious , also my warmed lasagna with some coke , that night I slept on my cold sofa while watching some boring tv show .
I heard knocking on the door I was startled to death it is 4 am who could it be , the knocking went again I grabbed my the broom handle and went to the door " who WHO I am warning you i am armed , and I gonna shoot " the knocking stopped so I checked through my door lens , it was only a package , I did not dare to open for one hour while checking my door lens over and over , going back and forth to it , and windows are still intact , thank god I have used the double lock over it
.
it is decided i will open and see that package , i cant resist it sorry i am deadly curious .
I slowly opened the door , extended my bare shivering hands and grabbed the package quickly before slamming the door back and closing all the locks back in less that a second , it must be a record, so fun fact about me it is more than one lock really ,i am little paranoid person who lives alone , and i have my reasons .