The Chef x The Movie Emperor
Nix's P.O.V.:
-Solaris – 'Mama, Choi Yongbok is a living artwork for sure and since you love art and like to collect beautiful things why not see about adding him to your "collection"? I mean he is a dominant Alpha, objectively insanely handsome only surpassed by Master Phoenix. He is smart, hardworking, talented and rich. He is, S class no matter how one looks at it. If there is anyone in this world that comes close to having the privilege to be with and or mate with my great master, it is him. You never know he could end up being your destined mate. Why not at least consider it?'
-Phoenix - 'What did you just say? You are joking right? What if I do not want a destined mate or a mate at all? What the hell am I supposed to do if I do not like them? I am not sure I can do this. Maybe we should go back to the nursery and try a different world.'
-Solaris – 'Mama, you could always just have sex with him. Are you not curios what sex will be like now that you are free and have a choice? I know you have an eversion to it since the times before it was from rape, but I promise it is completely different when you have a choice, sex is great and should be enjoyed by everyone involved. Making Love is even better.'
-Phoenix – visibly shutters 'I have no plans to ever have sex again and I will kill anyone who forces themselves on me ever again. To me sex has no positives, nor does it feel good; however, I know that it is supposed to feel good. I also am aware that I will never be able to heal and move on if I do not confront my trauma and overcome it. I will consider it but do not get your hopes up Solaris. I am only considering it as I do not want the one or ones who imprisoned me to win.'
Solaris tactfully acted as if he did not hear his master's private thoughts just now spoke up with concern and vigor.
'Considering it is a great first step but keep in mind that the one that imprisoned you will win if you do not truly live. Going through the motions is no better than being back in that prison. Master Phoenix you cannot let the one or ones who imprisoned and hurt you to win! Think about it you can have fun while sticking it to the one(s) who did all this to you, and you can potentially gain more power if you find you soul mate. (In a small voice) Also, it will help you heal. Master Phoenix, you deserve to be healthy and happy, and I want to help you achieve that… please at least consider it, Master.'
Phoenix pondered upon what Solaris said and he weighed the options. He knows that he will never begin to heal or truly grow stronger and break this hold his abusers and captives have on him psychologically if he does not even try.
He has put on a stoic mask as thick as the city and palace walls combined and pretended to be being strong, as if noting got to him for. He kept that mask and act up so long that he was able to gain strength and fool everyone into thinking that he really is strong and that nothing can get to him, including himself.
However, if one was to take off his mask, they would see that he is not strong, confident nor in control of everything. Without his protective mask that he carefully curated, over all these years, he is just a scared and vulnerable young man. He is also aware that he has never fully matured emotionally or psychologically because it is easier to act as if all this is not really happening to him but someone else. Now that he thinks about it, he is honestly lucky he is as sane as he is.
He does not know how it or he have managed to make it this far. Solaris saved him in more ways than one. Solaris is his only real friend because he has never let anyone else in.
Phoenix knows that he has monumental trust issues, I mean how could he not, but he does trust Solaris.
Phoenix knows that Solaris truly cares about him and his well-being. Even if Solaris still holds so many secrets regarding why he searched for him in particular, and who his creator is. He does not want to hurt Solaris, but he will if he continues this way. Phoenix's eyes flashed in determination, he will try and see how it goes then go from there. Love and romance are too much for now so he should start by making a friend, and he will start by having a real relationship with Bong Tae-Hwan's family.
Phoenix's heart was racing, he began to sweat, and his breathing became difficult. He admonished himself
'You are going to suck it up and take it one step at a time! If the host really has a destined mate, then so be it is not like I am the one who must spend all of eternity with it.'
Thinking that Phoenix felt a lot better about the whole mates and destined mates or pair thing. It is not like it is His soul mate just that of the host, so he has nothing to worry about. Plus, it would be good practice and therapeutic in helping him heal and be ready for a real relationship of his own, if that ever happens.
Sigh.
He really finds it impossible, seeing that no one has ever made his heartbeat faster or skip a beat nor give him butterflies in his stomach. The closest anyone has ever come was Draco and they were never more than friends. It is just he was the only one besides Solaris that was ever able to get close enough to him to be considered a friend.
Though that annoying ass hole managed to worm his way into his heart Nix knew he would never admit it to anyone. Just as he would never admit that he missed that annoying friend of his nor the hole his absence has made in his heart. Maybe, just maybe he can make at least one good friend like him in this lifetime.
'Is there really someone out there for me, a soul mate? Will I even be ready for them, or will I just end up pushing them away and/or ruining them? I know I am fucked up and the thought of someone else, someone who had no hand in all this baring the weight of my wounds and scars from this whole nightmare... it makes me sick. I know I crave that closeness, who wouldn't but...'
Phoenix was choked up and his heart felt like it was being pricked by a hundred needles. He does not want an innocent bystander to let alone his soul mate to bare the pain and weight he is burden with just because he wants to keep them by his side. Nix knows he is damaged and that he does not deserve a soul mate, but he also cannot help that tiny bit of hope from rising up and growing in his heart. Maybe with more time he can heal enough to be someone worthy enough to even dream of finding his soul mate, the one soul that will never leave him nor hurt him. The one who will stand no behind him but beside him and walk through life with him.
As soon as Nix had the thought of improving himself so that he can be worthy of even considering finding his soul mate the little bit of hope and excitement he felt left as his demons reared their ugly heads and reminded him that even if he did work to improve himself that he still would not be worthy. He, who has nothing to offer, enough baggage to last an eternity and wounds so deep and wide that they are more likely to fester and kill him then to even begin to heal, has the audacity to dream of a soul mate? It was disgusting and delusional.
'Ha, I am already delusional so why not fully embrace it, maybe just maybe my soul mate will be delusional too and we can just be too crazy love birds. Hahaha, yea I think I will increase my phycological counseling in this life and see if I can improve myself, it honestly is a win-win if I do and if the unimaginable happens and I do meet my soul mate then maybe, as farfetched as it is, we can be together."
Phoenix going through a lot of emotions as he thinks about all this: (｡•́︿•̀｡) ~(>_<~) ＼(〇_ｏ)／ ╮(￣_￣)╭ Σ(°ロ°) (╥﹏╥) (・_・;)
'But let's face it Nix you know damn well the chances of that happening are next to nil, but if it actually did, I have no clue how I will even realize it. I mean, I have had sexual relations, well if you can count all the times, I was sexually assaulted, raped and when the Jailer System had full control over me like a marinate puppet as sexual relations. But that is just sex, when it comes to a relationship, I have no clue where to begin! Soul mate or not they will leave me like everyone else because I am so broken, do I even deserve to be loved?'
Solaris just stayed there looking at his foolish Mama, he was torn and wanted more than anything to reassure his Mama Phoenix and tell him it will all work out, but he can't. There are somethings that he knows his Mama wants to keep private and this is one of those things, even if he forgot to block his private thoughts from Solaris.
After everything his poor master has gone through one would never guess that love is what scares him. Well maybe it is not love that scares him but all the vulnerability that comes with falling in love and giving one's heart to another and trusting that person to never betray you.
His poor Mama Phoenix has a lot of healing to do but honestly this will be good for him, he cannot keep avoiding it all because sooner or later it will all explode and burst out if not properly worked through. He knows that his master needs his soul mate even if his silly master cannot see that yet.
Solaris felt no qualms about it because his Mama Phoenix shares a soul bound with his soul mate so even without the gland, they will still be able to tell they are mates. The attraction they will have to one another will be even stronger than that of the glands, that alphas and omegas, have. It will be even more the dominant alphas and omegas.
Phoenix will understand once he finally finds his soul mate. Solaris has absolute zero doubt that his Mama Phoenix will find his soul mate and fall in love them. It may take time for them to come together and for his poor Mama to heal enough to not just realize their connection and bond but also for him to not run from it. Solaris knows without a doubt it will happen it is just a matter of when.
Solaris just hopes that Phoenix does not push away his soul mate and inadvertently hurt them both. He knows his master all too well, he is not just stubborn he is also a tenderhearted person who tries to act big and bad to keep everyone at bay as a way to protect himself while simultaneously hoping to find someone that won't ever leave or hurt him.
His Mama really is too breathtakingly beautiful, not just this shell but he himself is, and will have a long, long line of people who wish to be his suitor. Solaris knows only one soul will ever be able to move his Mama Phoenix's heart, though. With or without his gland being active or not, will honestly, not make a difference in the attraction others will have towards him.
Solaris was looking forward to his Mama falling in love, too bad. He will happily be munching on some sunflower seeds and boiled peanuts while watching the upcoming show, that he knew would not only be entertaining, but was also inevitable.
'Sorry Mama but my main mission and directive come first. I was created for a reason, and I can only hope that you will understand and not blame me in the end. At least I know that this will all benefit you in the end.' Solaris thought to himself.
Phoenix straightened his back and with determination he said out loud, "I will try, I will get stronger, live and will not let my captors win. I will get stronger, and, in the end, I will get revenge for all that I have been through!"
Solaris looked at the cruel and vicious smile on his Mama Phoenix's face and could not help but to shrink back in fear a bit. His master can be very scary when it comes to someone crossing him.
'Seriously how can someone who looks so pure and innocent and who has a good heart be this terrifying and vindictive? Well, I guess it is to be expected after everything my master has gone through. My Mama really is the best, I just love him!' Solaris thought to himself.
Solaris would light a candle for those who have hurt the shell and his Mama, but he is with Mama Phoenix on this one. 'Good luck Mama, I know you have this!' Solaris thought.