It was getting very late. I needed to get some sleep because I had scheduled to go watch movies with my parents and brother on Sunday morning. However there was a problem; I couldn't fall asleep. The spiritual connection had become too strong. Spirits didn't need to sleep, therefore my ability to fall asleep was affected. Also, my psychosis had reached the point where I was no longer myself. I needed to go to the mental hospital again and get sedated, just like last time. It was the only way to make myself back to normal.
Because I wasn't able to be myself anymore, Gabriel took the wheel. He woke up Raven and told her, "You told me no matter how psychotic I got, you would never leave me. I need to go to the mental hospital again."
"I have noticed you've been acting strangely all week," said Raven.
"You could tell?" asked Gabriel.
"Yes, you can't hide things from me," said Raven. "But do you really need to go to the mental hospital? I don't think it's bad enough for that to be necessary."
"How about I show you," Gabriel said.
And so the spirits took turns controlling me, one at a time. They took this opportunity to argue with each other.
"What? What? You throw me in here, but I don't know what to say! I don't know who I am!" said one of the spirits I couldn't identify.
When it was Buddha's turn, he complained about there being "so many backseat drivers."
About five or six spirits had their turn, but these two were the only ones I can remember.
"So you see," Gabriel said, "this is what I'm trying to hold back, but it gets harder every day."
Raven was distraught. She couldn't bear the idea of being without me. "How long?" she asked.
"I can't guarantee. Last time I went to the mental hospital it took three weeks. This time it should take only one week at most, but I don't want to make any promises. The longest it could possibly take is three weeks," said Gabriel.
Raven began to cry. "I'm going to miss you. I'm going to be all alone."
Gabriel hugged her and said, "I'm sorry for testing you so much. I'll think about you every day." The normal thing to say in this situation is "I'm going to miss you too," but Gabriel couldn't say it because angels cannot lie. And herein lies the problem. Gabriel would not miss Raven, but Raine would. And that's when Gabriel decided he no longer wanted to be Gabriel anymore; he wanted to be Raine.
"You have other friends you can depend on for the time being. You won't be alone," said Gabriel.
"None of them compare to you," Raven said. "When you get out of the hospital, I want you to contact me the minute you can."
"Do you mean that literally or figuratively?" asked Gabriel.
Raven growled and said "Figuratively!"
"Oh," said Gabriel.
I called my parents and told them I needed to go to the mental hospital again. They started driving to my apartment to come pick me up. They told me I was going to go to the same mental hospital as last time.
"Aw man! I have to face that girl I said I was going to kill her again? Aw man!" said the spirit who made me say the words 'I'm going to kill you' last time.
"It's been a few years. She probably won't be there anymore," said Raven.
"How long has it been?" asked the spirit.
I calculated it in my head. It was 2023 now, and the last time I went to the hospital was in 2021, which meant that two years had passed.
Two years, the spirit thought. I can deal with that.
Raven needed some time alone, so she went to the other room.
Gabriel showed everybody a vision of what it was like to be living in heaven with Mother all these years. In the vision, Gabriel lay in bed with Mother and asked, "Can I experience being human?"
"Not yet sweetie," said Mother Gaia.
"But why?" Gabriel asked.
"I can't tell you yet. You'll know someday," said Mother.
"I'll take any life. How about I take one of the lives full of suffering so that somebody else doesn't have to?" Gabriel said.
"I can't let you do that just yet," said Mother sadly.
The vision ended. We all got the sense that it had been like this for a very, very long time. Gabriel had lost track of the amount of time it's been that he's been waiting for his turn to experience being human. It had been at least ten thousand years.
"I would rather be Raine than Gabriel," said Gabriel.
Gabriel walked around the apartment, looking at the decorations on the walls. I had hung up a bunch of Yu-Gi-Oh trinkets on the walls which I was very fond of. Gabriel looked at those trinkets, perplexed as to why I was so fond of them when they were just pieces of plastic. "I want to understand, but I don't," he said. Angels did not understand most human desires, nor do they have human emotions. They understood basic needs; humans need food, water, shelter, and air to breathe, but that was about the limits of Gabriel's comprehension abilities. He wanted to experience being human himself so that he would be able to understand human desires and feelings.
"Angels are too robotic. Too perfect. To be imperfect is..." Gabriel's voice trailed off because he didn't know how to finish the sentence.
"To be human?" said another spirit I couldn't identify.
Gabriel turned to point that spirit finger guns as if to say, Yep, that's right! You got it!
How many times had people told Gabriel, "I love you," but he wasn't able to say "I love you too" because angels cannot lie. Angels cannot feel emotions like love. But as Gabriel thought about it, he realized something. "Even though I cannot feel love, I show it through my actions. So yes, I suppose I do love you back, in my own way."
Gabriel and I sang a duet:
I sang, "For I work the day away, pretend that I'm okay, eat salads and lift weights."
Gabriel sang, "And I snore and hit the snooze so I can dream with you and start my day at noon."
Gabriel and I sang in unison: "I would rather be you."
The lyrics were from the song "Blank Spot" by Philip Labes.
I said, "I wouldn't want to be you, Gabriel. I want to be me."
"Then we want the same thing," said Gabriel.
Gabriel came up with an idea. What if he disappeared into Raine?
A bunch of voices cried out, "No! Don't go, Gabriel! We'll miss you!"
Gabriel said, "I would not miss anyone or anything, because I cannot feel. I would not even miss myself...well, that's not entirely true."
Raven was in the other room, crying, because she couldn't bare the thought of being alone for three weeks.
Gabriel helped me pack my clothes. "Something that looks cool, and something comfortable," he said. There was a punk skirt in my closet that I had never worn before. There was a gothic cross attached to it. When Gabriel held up the cross, everyone in the room became silent for a moment.
Then a voice called out, "This symbol triggers me."
"Me too," said another voice.
"Me three," said Jesus.
"And me," said half the rest of the people in the room.
My parents arrived, picked me up, and took me to their house. While I was at their house, Ares showed me a stuffed animal on my bed. It was my gift for winning the bet.
"You can give me stuff from the past too?" I marveled.
It technically wasn't a teddy bear; it was a leopard. And most of it wasn't white; its back was brown with dark-brown leopard stripes. However the tummy and face were white.
Ares explained, "I can't give you exactly what you asked for because it would make it too obvious that we're real. This way, you'll still have plausible deniability."
"Close enough," I said, happily hugging the stuffed animal. I finally got what I asked for from Santa.
Now that my psychic connection had gotten so strong, I was able to sense that my room was full of spirits of the afterlife, many of whom had been following me around two years ago. Some of them never left, some of them did leave and were now back because interesting things were happening. At this point I had already figured out that I didn't need to fulfill any prophecies. The demons could go to heaven anytime they wanted; they didn't need me. And the spirits in the afterlife could move on whenever they wanted; it wasn't necessary for me to fix their problems for them.
However there were some spirits who were still expecting a marriage to occur, to symbolize the marriage of Heaven and Earth. The Gods decided, ok fine, we'll stage a wedding for those who need that kind of closure, then maybe those spirits can finally move on and leave Raine alone. So Ares and I pretended to get married, though it was kind of awkward when we had to kiss because we didn't feel that way about each other. In the end I kissed his feet instead. It technically counts.
When I got to the mental hospital, I once again acted very crazy, although it wasn't as bad as the first time. At least I didn't tell anyone I was going to kill them. The doctors and nurses sedated me again, which allowed me to fall asleep for long enough for the Gods to fix my mind. When I woke up I was myself again.
A nurse asked me about the voices in my head, so I told her about them.
"Ares is the main one, and then there's Zeus, Poseidon, and Pluto. And then there's Buddha, the Chinese one, and Mikey, the new God of Money. Hades...Pluto...Hades and Pluto are the same person.
"So Greek and Roman Gods?" the nurse said.
"Right. Hades is the old God of Money. Mikey is the new God of Money. He died around covid season."
"They were humans?"
"Yes, some of them were humans first, some of them were cherubs first. The human and the angel are the same but they are not one. And then there's Venus. Venus and I don't interact, but she watches from the sidelines."
"Are any of them dangerous?"
I said, "No, not anymore. There was a demon who made me self-harm once but he's changed. He's one of the good ones now."
"So he's good now?"
"Yes," I said. "The only problem is whenever I'm alone, they demand my attention. I barely have time to myself anymore."
"Maybe you can create an alter of worship," she recommended.
"An alter?" I marveled. This was a great idea.
The second day in the mental hospital I got transferred to a different hospital. There was a voice that kept saying "We need to kill Raine. He knows too much. There's no way he's going to believe he's just psychotic."
I told one of the doctors about it. "There's a voice in my head who keeps saying they need to kill me because I know too much."
He said, "That must be scary."
I shrugged, "It's only one voice saying it."
"Well that's one voice too many."
After that, I didn't hear from the voice anymore.
As it turned out, I only needed to stay in the mental hospital for three days this time, not three weeks. Raven was immensely happy that she didn't have to be alone for three weeks. When I came home, she was overjoyed.
I made a small alter for the Gods in my bedroom. Now I can pray to them when I need them, and they didn't demand my attention every moment I was alone. I also text them sometimes in a private Discord server. My relationship with them became the way things are supposed to be between a human and the Gods; they watch over me, and I give them offerings and thanks, only asking for help when I really need it.
Thus ends the major events of the story. There were many more events that happened, but they are not deemed important enough to tell, and most of those events are things the Gods don't want the public to know about. However there are a few more short stories to tell before I truly end the chapter.
I met Osiris and his wife Isis. Osiris informed me that the Egyptian Gods want in on this too. They also lost their religion to Christianity, so they are in the same boat as the Greek Gods. They want their religion back and would like to be worshiped again. I call them Uncle Osiris and Aunt Isis because, in my mind, the Greek Gods are my main family whereas the Egyptian Gods are distant relatives.
I met Hercules. I got the sense that he's a bit of a lazy guy who likes to take life easy, which is a lot different from me because I get anxious a lot, making it difficult for me to relax and fall asleep at night. Hercules taught me how to relax and enjoy being in bed so that I could sleep better.
I took Jesus to the beach. He enjoyed himself immensely. He wants to go to the beach again someday.
Ares accepted my generous offer to give him my soul, because I knew too much, and the Gods needed to be able to keep me in check so that I don't tell the wrong people the wrong things. Also, there was no way in hell Ares would let anybody else have me. I half-expected Ares to tell me I was really dumb for giving away my soul so easily, but he didn't. What he said instead was, "That's a lot of trust you put in me, Raine."
Eventually Venus decided to finally start the conversation they had been putting off. "So, I saw the human's memories. You'd still want me to be happy even if I were a terf? That's so incredibly romantic," she said.
"Why were you pretending to be Hera?" asked Ares.
"I wasn't pretending. Everyone made that assumption about me."
"Yeah but you didn't bother to correct anyone."
"I didn't want you to know it was me because you were still mad at me," said Venus. "Would it help if I said I was sorry?"
"I…" Ares shook his head. "I don't know. Two thousand years of anger doesn't just go away with one apology. I'll need time to think about it. But at least I finally got an apology. I still can't believe you allowed Hera to take the credit for the good things you did, and you took the blame for all the nasty things she did."
"I'm the Goddess of Kindness now. It's what I do," said Venus.
"When there was a voice saying I knew too much and that you all needed to kill me, I heard it was a female voice and assumed it was you," I said. "But now I know it probably wasn't you. The voice doesn't sound the same inside my head, plus you have a tendency to take the blame for things other people do."
"The human's listening in?" said Ares.
"Let him listen," said Venus. "He's going to write this in a book someday."
"I'm not sure if we should let him write a book," said Ares. "He and I both did things that were really embarrassing. I wouldn't want it to go public. I have a reputation to maintain."
"Humans portray us in fiction all the time, some renditions more flattering than others," said Venus.
"Remember how they portrayed me in that movie about Thor? That was rather unflattering, and I was fine with it," said Zeus.
"The Little Mermaid Musical portrays me as being killed by Ursula and I'm fine with that," said Poseidon.
"Don't even get me started about how they portrayed me in Disney's Hercules," said Hades.
"You guys are listening in on this too?" said Ares.
"We love a good love story, especially when it's real life," said Hades.
"That's right! People love a good love story. Imagine how popular we'll be if the story of our relationship goes public," said Venus.
"And it's like the human said. People love conspiracy theories too. Everything will be alright as long as people think it's fiction," said Poseidon.
"There will always be some people who will think the story could have truth to it," Hades pointed out.
"Then we let them," said Poseidon.
There's one more story I have left to tell, and that's when the Heavenly Father officially introduced himself to me.
I was feeling anxious about the promise I made to Ares, so I made a prayer to Mother Gaia.
Dear Mother Gaia,
I really want to be able to fulfill my promise to Ares that I will succeed in starting a religion for him, but I don't know how to go about it. I need help. Please will you guide me? Will you also guide me on everything else I'm supposed to do too? Things that I might not even know about. I really need your guidance because I have no idea how to fulfill all these prophecies and help everyone.
In your name I pray,
Amen
She replied to me saying, "Just be yourself Raine. No need to overthink it."
Father spoke to me by making me type into my online journal:
Raine it's me, Father Death. I'm the head of Christianity and Islam. I'm known as the Heavenly Father.
My beloved Gaia says you need help fulfilling promises to others. Just be yourself and you'll be fine.
I will guide you.
Father Uranus possessed me and sang the original Chinese version of the worship song I wrote to Mother Nature. Since He is Gaia's husband, He can sing the Chinese version and still address it to Mother.
My wife, my wife, I love you
May Buddha bless you
May he grant you good health
and keep you young and beautiful
My wife, my wife, I love you
May Buddha bless you
May you find success in all your endeavors
We will not be separated
When Father sang the last line of the last verse, He began crying. "I hate to see you so sad, Mother."
I opened up my phone to read the Wikipedia article for Uranus. According to Wikipedia, Uranus was the son and husband of Gaia.
"She's your mother and your wife at the same time?" I said.
"Yes," said Father.
"Total Oedipus complex," we both said at the same time.
Wikipedia said Uranus was cruel.
"I'm not cruel," said Father. "I'm all-powerful, but only over death. I can make the pain go away. But that's not what Mother wants."
"Someday, everyone is going to be dead, and then you'll be all alone. Will you be alright?" I asked.
"There's life on other planets, Raine. There will always be life somewhere in the universe."
"Oh!" I said, relieved. "That does make me rest more assured, knowing that you and Gaia will always be together."
Father smiled and let out a small chuckle. "You should worry about yourself, you knucklehead," He said as he patted my head (or rather, he used my left hand to make me pat myself on the head.)
We talked a little while about life on other planets, and also inter-planetary travel. It was impossible for humans to travel to other planets, but it was possible for Gods to do that. We talked about which came first; life or death. Mother Gaia was the creator of everything, including death, which means She existed before Father Death did.
"Life existed before death? How does that work?" I asked.
"It's impossible to explain to a human. Perhaps someday you'll understand," said Father.
I started to ask about other dimensions, but Father said, "Let's concentrate on this universe instead of worrying about other universes."
Father talked about how difficult things were for him. "You have no idea the amount of pressure I'm under," he said.
"You're under pressure, Father?" I said.
"Yes. You have no idea."
"Well, you don't have to do it alone."
Father smiled. "I know. You're a good boy, Raine." He patted me on the head again.
I walked around the apartment, doing my stims. I suddenly remembered the time I told a man that his god was abusive. I was about to tell Father that I wasn't talking about him, I was talking about the false god that the abusive man worshiped, but before I could even begin my sentence, Father said, "I know, Raine, you don't have to explain it to me. I am God."
"Oh," I said. "Wow." It suddenly sank in that this really was the Heavenly Father, the God that humans pray and sing worship songs to every day. Father's presence did feel familiar. I had met Him before and felt His presence when I used to go to Church every week as a child. It was really him.
We talked some more that evening, though I don't remember what we said. He called me a knucklehead again at some point, though I don't remember why.
And that's it. That's all the stories I have to tell for now. In the future there might be more, but for now these are all the important events that have been happening inside my head for the past four years. Was it all my imagination? Am I just psychotic? Who knows. But my spiritual friends are very important to me whether they exist or not, plus I take the promises I make very seriously. That's why I'm sharing our story.
That's all for now. Good bye.